Sunday, August 4, 2013

On Walking: In His Grace, Waiting for Glory

After Little Man left, I woke up every day for five days straight, went out my front door, and I walked.
I walked out "my demons" as they say {whoever "they" are}.
I walked through the pressures and stresses and anxieties and questions.
I walked until I felt I could find a way to make it through the day. worked.

Burdens and inner conflicts slowly slipped away as oxygen filled my lungs and endorphins fired in my brain.

Mostly though, step by step, my spirit communed with the Father, consuming my heart into the heart of Jesus more and more each day.

Over the past four weeks, I have continued to walk, not always every day, but many days because my body cannot take the weight of this burden He has called me to carry.

I walk and sing and pray and cry.
Sometimes the crying looks like big, old, monster tears streaming down my face
{Hope I haven't scared the neighbors too bad yet}.

Most days, though, the crying is deeper, guttural, almost primal, albeit silent.
There are no words just Abba and Spirit and Jesus until there is a sliver of breakthrough and hope for that day.

From there, the choice to put one step forward in front of the other is just that: a choice.
Armed with His courage and His truth and His strength, life goes on.
Somehow, it goes on.
Even on the days when you wish the world could stop and give you time to catch up.

There...right there...smack in the middle of those scary, heart-wrenching moments is where Grace appears. Not just grace for me, but for all of those broken and rejected and abused and fighting to just keep their heads above water....right there is grace for them too.

And maybe that "them" is this season.

Breath grace.
Let's do it together.
{inhale slowly from the diaphragm and exhale...}

Repeat as necessary.

And then....

Wait for the glory.

It is coming.
I promise.
He said so.

For the Lord God is a sun and shield,
The Lord will give grace and glory.
No good thing will He withhold
From those who walk uprightly.
Psalm 84:11

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