Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Snippets of the Crazy-Slow

I think I have written a thousand, a hundred, okay....maybe a dozen....yes at least a dozen blog posts in my mind over the past six weeks.

Sometimes they were just snippets of a thought.
Other times they had some meaty length to it.
All of them were amazing...she says so humbly...or at least in "my" mind's eye.
But alas, none of them made it to paper...or even maybe they were just to feed my soul in the interim of waiting to pour out my heart you.

Life has been busy and slow.
But I have said that here already.
I just wish that I could expound more on what that feels like, what that IS in my heart and soul.
Maybe I will soon...or maybe not...
For now, I think I will just share what that conglomeration of this fast slow motion looks like.

1) My Granny fell and broke her neck six weeks ago yesterday. Her neck has been healing beautifully and the brace is now off. She is, as you can imagine, having a lot of pain there as her body learns to hold that weight on its own again. She had a trache for awhile which miraculously came out on its own about 2 weeks ago and the hole, or stoma, as the medical professionals call it is completely healed up. She has been from hospital to rehab to hospital and now back to rehab again. Each change has been filled with its own ups and downs and scares and joys along the way. Granny suffers from dementia so currently our family {mom, sister, aunts and cousins} rotate being with her around the clock. As she is back in rehab, we know that we are on the home least that is how we pray since she has been IN rehab and BACK to hospital once already. If you are the praying kind, would you please pray for her recovery, the infections her body is fighting, and for our family for strength to continue with grace in this long journey?? Thank you.

2) I got a new part time job of which I am currently in Week 3. I have translated for Haitian students and families via our local Board of Education off and on for the past 10 years or so. Last year, all the translators had to re-interview and come "on staff" officially. In the interview process, I was asked if I was interested in tutoring to which I promptly said, "Yes!" So I am not officially a tutor IN an ESOL {English as a Second Language} class room for 90 minutes a day. Two thirds of the class are Haitian kids. I am working at a middle school so the kids are lovely and moody and frustratingly beautiful. I feel like this job is a gift to me and seriously, there are some that I am ready to bring home with me. {And I really don't say stuff like that....their stories/hearts are just wrecking me...}

3) We are OFFICIALLY foster parents!! Yay! and WHOA! This process has been long and arduous and I am not even talking about the paper work. I do not think going in that I was preparing for the emotional and mental onslaught that would ravage my being.
Will the first child living in my home really NOT be my own biological baby? 
Am I really ready for this? 
Can my physical body handle what investing into these lives will mean? 
Can my heart? 
These, along with a hundred practical questions racked my brain to no end. I wanted to quit MORE times than I wanted to move forward and something, Someone bigger than me kept propelling us forward one painful step at a time. I have been forced to face my own fears and judgements and life choices, and I am sure this is NOT the end...which scares me honestly, but did I mention my heart is now wrecked beyond repair? In the good ways...the ways that you know that this is right and good and part of the crazy-grand-scheme-of-things.

4) And finally....this one is hard and exciting to say all at the same time. The Lord is healing me. Really and truly. Heart and soul, of course, but specifically in body. About four years ago, I began having unexplained pains that over the course of the following year and half increased in frequency and intensity. With a possible diagnosis of fibromyalgia but unable to take the prescribed course of medicine given to those who suffer with this unseen illness, we made some radical life changes and left South Africa and moved back to the United States. While my physical issues were not the primary reason for us making that life change, they were the catalyst that propelled us forward. For the past two and a half years since then, I have fought a daily battle of balance in my life, trying to find the right amount of work-to-rest ratio. To say it has been hard would be an understatement, and just when I was ready to accept that maybe this is just the journey of learning that God wanted me to go through to learned more about His grace, the Lord sent someone to remind me of His promises to me {more on that story later} and He is really healing me. It is a slow heal, like synapses and muscles coming together in harmony again, but I am getting stronger every day. There are still good days and bad days and I continue to work to believe that He IS still JUST as faithful on the bad days...but I needed to say it nonetheless....thank you, Jesus, for this healing.
{P.S. THIS was actually on my God-sized dream list!!}

There is more...of life and potential changes on the horizon and buzzing around in my heart of things still to come....but I feel like this is all I can share for now.

I am excited to be living His plan in this season, in spite of the HARD parts too...
He is going deep and wide in the caverns of my heart and soul,
 and I feel SUCH an assurance that I will never be the same.


Karrilee Aggett said... Best Blogger Tips

Oh how I have missed you and have been praying! So thankful for the praise report on your Granny... agreeing with you in prayer! And YAY for all the other snippets of updates... new job(s)... new little (or not so little) ones... new healings... God is good and He is in a good mood! {{{HUGS}}}

Libby said... Best Blogger Tips

Tears!! Hard and GOOD! Love you!

Becky Daye said... Best Blogger Tips

Oh, Lindsey! Thank you for sharing. Wow, wow, wow! I don't even know where to start in commenting other than to say that I love you, I love your heart and I love what our God is working out in and through you. Praying...

Annie Barnett said... Best Blogger Tips

Lindsey, so good to read your words in this place again. I can't wait to hear more! Celebrating with you for so many good, new beginnings and praying for your sweet Granny.

Crystal Stine said... Best Blogger Tips

Oh girl. My heart bursts for you - you amaze me and I love how you shine Jesus through all of this. And I've missed you terribly online so I'm glad to read this update and know how you are!

Dana Adams www.rehobothhaiti. said... Best Blogger Tips

So beautifully written, Lindey. You have such a beautiful way of allowing us to see into your heart. I love your transparency.

Dana Adams www.rehobothhaiti. said... Best Blogger Tips

*oops, Lindsey

Michele-Lyn said... Best Blogger Tips

I'm so very glad I came for a visit today. I see the beautiful woman sitting near me at the meal table at Allume, and I just want to hug you. Your life is full of so much -- so much good, so much hard, so much God, so much love for Him, for life and for His people. I just love your heart. You are a rare treasure. I am so glad to know you.

Leigh Kay said... Best Blogger Tips

I am crying...welling joy and love so deep and sisterly and protective and rejoiceful and...I'd make up word to explain it if I could....

Lindsey - you are stunning. In the barest of ways. In the most complex and textural ways. In ways unique to you - you are light and strobe of championed living and marathon faith.

I cannot, simply CANNOT, come away from an encounter with you (your words, your heart) unchanged. Growth, height, cheer-bursting, faith-strengthened, glorious hope spilling and over all - J O Y.

I've missed you. And you are celebrated. And it's not fair in any sense that I can't wrap you in the biggest hug and buy you ever-flowing cups of hot lovely as we sit across one another and spill life over.

But God is good..and I'll stand confident that somehow, someday, that can happen.

Tears come happy too. Not just broken. Because here, sharing in your journey, I'm certainly not broken. I'm pieced whole and staring in the face of stain-glass-window stunningness. You.
And I could not be more thankful to the Artist responsible for your heart.

Amy @making a joyful home said... Best Blogger Tips

Dipping back into the online world I've missed - and so happy for you when I read your news! I'll be so excited to see how the foster parenting journey goes. I've had a few friends offline feel called to this as well and it's very hard but there's so much beautiful there, too.

And glad to hear you're healing!

Barbie said... Best Blogger Tips

Lindsey, I am so thankful I stopped over today. So thankful to hear that your granny is getting better. I will definately continue to pray. And I am overjoyed to hear about all that God is doing in you!

Heather Ricardi said... Best Blogger Tips

Thank you so much for the reminder that "he is just as faithful on the bad days" too. I myself am coming back from a 2 year battle with my muscles. I needed the reminder! Bless you.

Heather @ Find That Warm Fuzzy Feeling

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