Dear God-Sized Dreamer

Dear God-Sized Dreamer,

seasonswithsoul

Psst...that's you!
Yes...you...right there...reading this RIGHT now!

YOU have a God-sized dream or dreams inside of you just bursting to get out!

Oh yes you do! I promise.
Seriously.
I know.
I truly do.

How you ask?
Because I know how He made you...how He made me.
I know that He wired us with something so amazing inside of us that if we do not do it, we think we might burst. You know what I am talking about now...don't you?

I know.
I can hear you now.
I can't do that! or That's impossible for me!

I have felt that way too.
{Secret -- I still do some days...many days!}

But that is JUST the thing....
YOU cannot do it
And
It IS impossible for you.

That is why it is God-sized.
Made with beauty and purpose
and bigger than our human hands and hearts can wrap around.

Your God-sized dream whispers to you in the dark....You were made for this.
In the secrets of the wind and waves, it beckons....Don't give up...
As the seasons change and winter falls into spring you hear....He makes all things new...including you!

So sister, dream bigger and wider and larger than you think is possible.
Brother, go deeper and when you think you have hit rock bottom, plumb deeper still.
Friends, hold fast to the world-changing dream He is birthing in your heart because no matter how large or small or important or insignificant it may seem to you, it is God-sized...making it just right, Goldilocks style.

You were born for this...this season...this moment...this time....this generation.
Please do not give up or give in!
We need you.
Truly.
We really do!

Your voice is breath-taking.
Let nothing make it small.
Let nothing hold you back.
Let your God-sized dream soar.

Teri Lynne Underwood

"You cannot find security in what God is doing 

because He commits you to the impossible; 

He asks you to see the invisible; 

He calls you to do the outrageous. 

There is no security in that place. 

There is no security in what God is doing. 

There is only security in who God is."

~Graham Cooke

Snippets of the Crazy-Slow

I think I have written a thousand, a hundred, okay....maybe a dozen....yes at least a dozen blog posts in my mind over the past six weeks.

Sometimes they were just snippets of a thought.
Other times they had some meaty length to it.
All of them were amazing...she says so humbly...or at least in "my" mind's eye.
But alas, none of them made it to paper...or even screen....so maybe they were just to feed my soul in the interim of waiting to pour out my heart here....to you.

Life has been busy and slow.
But I have said that here already.
I just wish that I could expound more on what that feels like, what that IS in my heart and soul.
Maybe I will soon...or maybe not...
For now, I think I will just share what that conglomeration of this fast slow motion looks like.

1) My Granny fell and broke her neck six weeks ago yesterday. Her neck has been healing beautifully and the brace is now off. She is, as you can imagine, having a lot of pain there as her body learns to hold that weight on its own again. She had a trache for awhile which miraculously came out on its own about 2 weeks ago and the hole, or stoma, as the medical professionals call it is completely healed up. She has been from hospital to rehab to hospital and now back to rehab again. Each change has been filled with its own ups and downs and scares and joys along the way. Granny suffers from dementia so currently our family {mom, sister, aunts and cousins} rotate being with her around the clock. As she is back in rehab, we know that we are on the home stretch...at least that is how we pray since she has been IN rehab and BACK to hospital once already. If you are the praying kind, would you please pray for her recovery, the infections her body is fighting, and for our family for strength to continue with grace in this long journey?? Thank you.

2) I got a new part time job of which I am currently in Week 3. I have translated for Haitian students and families via our local Board of Education off and on for the past 10 years or so. Last year, all the translators had to re-interview and come "on staff" officially. In the interview process, I was asked if I was interested in tutoring to which I promptly said, "Yes!" So I am not officially a tutor IN an ESOL {English as a Second Language} class room for 90 minutes a day. Two thirds of the class are Haitian kids. I am working at a middle school so the kids are lovely and moody and frustratingly beautiful. I feel like this job is a gift to me and seriously, there are some that I am ready to bring home with me. {And I really don't say stuff like that....their stories/hearts are just wrecking me...}

3) We are OFFICIALLY foster parents!! Yay! and WHOA! This process has been long and arduous and I am not even talking about the paper work. I do not think going in that I was preparing for the emotional and mental onslaught that would ravage my being.

Will the first child living in my home really NOT be my own biological baby? 

Am I really ready for this? 

Can my physical body handle what investing into these lives will mean? 

Can my heart? 

These, along with a hundred practical questions racked my brain to no end. I wanted to quit MORE times than I wanted to move forward and something, Someone bigger than me kept propelling us forward one painful step at a time. I have been forced to face my own fears and judgements and life choices, and I am sure this is NOT the end...which scares me honestly, but did I mention my heart is now wrecked beyond repair? In the good ways...the ways that you know that this is right and good and part of the crazy-grand-scheme-of-things.

4) And finally....this one is hard and exciting to say all at the same time. The Lord is healing me. Really and truly. Heart and soul, of course, but specifically in body. About four years ago, I began having unexplained pains that over the course of the following year and half increased in frequency and intensity. With a possible diagnosis of fibromyalgia but unable to take the prescribed course of medicine given to those who suffer with this unseen illness, we made some radical life changes and left South Africa and moved back to the United States. While my physical issues were not the primary reason for us making that life change, they were the catalyst that propelled us forward. For the past two and a half years since then, I have fought a daily battle of balance in my life, trying to find the right amount of work-to-rest ratio. To say it has been hard would be an understatement, and just when I was ready to accept that maybe this is just the journey of learning that God wanted me to go through to learned more about His grace, the Lord sent someone to remind me of His promises to me {more on that story later} and He is really healing me. It is a slow heal, like synapses and muscles coming together in harmony again, but I am getting stronger every day. There are still good days and bad days and I continue to work to believe that He IS still JUST as faithful on the bad days...but I needed to say it nonetheless....thank you, Jesus, for this healing.
{P.S. THIS was actually on my God-sized dream list!!}

There is more...of life and potential changes on the horizon and buzzing around in my heart of things still to come....but I feel like this is all I can share for now.

I am excited to be living His plan in this season, in spite of the HARD parts too...
He is going deep and wide in the caverns of my heart and soul,
 and I feel SUCH an assurance that I will never be the same.

God-Sized Dreams in 2013

When it popped up in my e-mail, "Guess who my featured Five Minute Friday post is this week?" I literally could not believe it.

I know. That sounds like false humility and all, but seriously, I really feel like I am faking this whole blogging/writing thing at least 75-80% of the time. At Allume last year, I would not even read my Five Minute Friday out loud, because I still feel like the girl in the room who speaks a second language, dresses a little weird, and has no idea how to navigate first-world social norms. My sister fakes-it-til-you-make-it  better than I do.

But I love to write. I have a poet's heart and a prosey brain and over the years, I have embraced the view I have on life that is uniquely my own. I see God's handprint, and I celebrate the fact that I am loved by One such as Him.

So I was thrilled, and even did a little happy dance on the inside. Wow! I cannot believe I was chosen.

When I looked later, I found out a little more about the matter. Lisa-Jo had tweeted to the #FiveMinuteFriday gang to give her some feedback on their favorite post of the week, and Tonya, whom I have never talked to or met, even online, shared my link, with no link backs to me so I did not even know it, until after the fact.

No fanfare. No big deal. Just a little tweet.

And I felt simultaneously humbled and ecstatic! {I am an extrovert after all!}

Somehow this whole thing that I dedicate a lot of my time and heart to....is making a difference.
One person.
One tweet at a time.

The next day, I get this Facebook message from a college friend, Anna....

"I thought of you today while listening to a radio program called women of grace. The way the host was so encouraging and passionate reminded me of you. Have you considered going into Christian radio? : )"

My speaker's heart wanted to burst. I had JUST been reading about podcasting WHILE she was typing this message. I have missed teaching and preaching and speaking during our extended sabbatical, and I would love to make space in my world of blogging for some spoken word.

Bottom line.

I love words.
Written.
Spoken.
Public.
Private.
Global.
One-on-one.

I love people.
I love hearing their stories.
I love walking with them through broken places.
I love helping them find their own uniqueness.
I love celebrating that individuality that is all their own.
I love seeing their dreams come true.
I love discipling.
I love making people feel THEY are chosen.
{because, well, it's true!!}

My ex-boyfriend used to say, "Lindsey, you have a heart for everything and every body." I would laugh and think, "What is wrong with that?" The Lord took me on a journey into pastoral ministry where I methodically worked directly with all ages from 2-82 and everything in between, adding more ages groups in as the years passed, and at this point in my life, there is no age that I do not care for, see their unique needs, and long to help in that way.

I have not talked much about this yet because I SO wanted to be clear, concise, and orderly, but the chaos that is my brain will not give me that luxury so I shall share nonetheless.

For 2013, I am purposefully embracing my God-sized dreams. I am joining 99 other ladies as we jump off the cliff called SAFE into the unknown. Holley Gerth is our guide through this journey along with the Holy Spirit of course, and I am delighted to be taking this challenge.

Did I say delighted?
I meant to say DELIGHTFULLY SCARED OUT OF MY MIND! ;-)

So since I am having a hard time "narrowing down" ONE God-sized dream to focus on, I thought I would just share them all. I, know...crazy, right? To put myself out there like that. Remember I told you....I have always been a LITTLE different from the status quo.

Okay here are my dreams {at least what I can think of at the moment} in no particular order::

* Become a licensed counselor
* Become a bonafide author
* Become a college professor
* Work again in full time ministry
  {even if that looks different that it has in the past}
* Be completely free from chronic pain
* Become a mother
* Get paid for my art 
  {writing, speaking, photography}
* Become a graphic designer {maybe}
* Be in control of my own schedule 
  without financial worry
* Be the kind of wife who enthusiastically 
  supports my husband's dreams
* Live life to the fullest 
  and continue to dream even more!

Okay, that is good for now I suppose....I want to expound and quantify and add to but I think that will come in other posts. I have a whole year after all, eh?

But you know what would be REALLY COOL and SO VERY EXCITING FOR ME??!!??

Would you join me in this God-sized dream journey?

Pinterest via The Artsy Girl Studio

My friend, Holly, will be blogging about it lots and she wrote the coolest e-book, The "Do What You Can" Plan, so you can follow and read along with her as well as with me here. If this just speaks to your heart, gives you that little leap inside, will you let me know below?

If you are like me, and are just not sure what your God-sized dreams are or how to focus on them, tell me that too! We will figure it out together somehow, stumbling through the dark. We have an amazing Guide, keeping us safe as we navigate this new territory.

Also.....and this is sort of awkward to ask....but if you know me, either online or in real life, would you weigh in some of the dreams that I shared with you? Because my dreams are all about people, knowing which ones influence people the most, might help me to figure out the God-sized dream for THIS season, ya know? I would definitely appreciate it...especially those of you {lurkers} who read but do not comment...would you DE-LURK, just for this one?  Thank you!!

Happy dreaming...

"If you keep on believing, the God-sized dream that you wish really will come true."
{modified from Cinderella}