31 Days of Story {Day 3} Always Dance

I used to stare at this poster every day for years from the time I was two years old.

**Photo Credit**

Okay.
Maybe not this EXACT poster.
But I had a dream.
One day.
To be.
A prima ballerina.

I could see myself on a big stage, dancing the Nutcracker or wearing some beautiful faire costume, bowing to the applause of the audience, with flowers showering the stage from the fans shouting their wild approval.

No one in my family had ever danced formally, in any sense of the word, so the dream obviously came from somewhere deeper, somewhere from the heart of One who had a deep-rooted plan, One who deposited the heart of an artist into my inner being.

At the age of four, I would have an opportunity to study ballet under French tutelege, but my sensitive soul shrank at the intensity that IS the French way of instruction and I begged to withdraw.

I have often asked my mom why she did not just push me to do it anyway, cause surely I would have gotten over it eventually once I was famous, right?!

She just smiles and shakes her head.

Thirty years later, I am finally learning to give the artist in me her rightful place and name. She never disappeared completely, but often provided merely a small, supportive role on the screenplay of my life -- through music, through drama, eventually through dance, and now through writing and photography.

I remember that freckle-faced, little girl.
And her unabashed confidence in the outcome of her dreams.

So...
I embrace what that two year old already knew -- an artistic soul cannot be denied,
and
I welcome the wisdom from the mother of that four year old - an artistic soul needs space to breathe.

{Deep breath}
Aaaaand.
One. two. three.
And. one. two. three.

Let the dreamer dream.
Set the artist free.
May you always dance.

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Getting Back To the Most Natural Thing

"The dance of the abandoned soul..."

I penned those words a few weeks ago in response to a Five Minute Friday prompt. And though I may write brave words {you too?}, sometimes {usually} I find myself only SMACK DAB in the middle of the journey still trying hard to hold on to faith and to believe that Love is bigger than my circumstances.

Life has been full and good and dynamic and scary and overwhelming and anxiety-filled. The moments blend together in a roller coaster of exhilarating fun and scream-silencing terror. In this season, I find my heart and mind filled to the brim with a jumble of words that long to be written, topics that beg for a voice, and heart songs that burst to be sung.

I sit to purge my soul onto screen and feel stifled by my own self, the chaos that is me. So at the urging of my dear friend, Annie, art must find at outlet SOMEWHERE, and in a moment of sheer spontaneity, I dust off my old ballet shoes when the delightful realization that I now have HARDWOOD FLOORS fills my mind.

I jog the recesses of my mind to find all 5 positions, reminding my out-of-shape body the correct placement of hips and shoulders, struggling to find the proper dancer-center-of-gravity. Within moments {and a little Google reminder!}, my soul and mind and heart and body join as one to express the un-uttered longings that have desperately vied for attention.

My heart continues to burst with unspoken lyrics and prose-y melodies, but for today, I dance to the rhythm of the One who placed the songs in my soul and the pulse in my feet

Amy Dane of Amy in Wanderland wrote this reply to one of her readers on her own post about dance:

"Exactly! I thought of David, too! And then I wondered why it’s not the most natural thing in the world to us. :)" 

And I wondered too...how we lose that freedom to "...dance like no one watching." As children, it is there, vibrant and strong, and then life gets in the way and we stop dancing.

So while I dance today, I catch snatches of lyrics flowing from the music my feet step too...

"seize the day...."
"hold on to every moment..."
"life slips away just like hourglass sand..."

So I choose to press into the confusion and chaos, into the middle where whimsy and abandon lie, slipping my feet back into the shoes He has kept for me, just waiting for me to remember the dance of a soul abandoned to her Daddy.

And....they feel just right.
The most natural thing in the world.

Five Minute Friday :: Dance

It was my dream as a little green eyed two year old. Larger than life, the poster of the prima ballerina displayed proudly in my toddler room, proclaimed to the world the heart of a dancer. That I would one day dance the Nutcracker, Swan Lake, or some as yet unknown beautiful song on the tips of my toes in those gorgeous pointe shoes.

But the dance He had for me did not lead me down the ballerina road. Fear and trepidation of harsh French instructors on Haitian soil held me back from grasping that dream.

Until twenty years later, when I really learned to dance, not just the dance of plie and releve, the dance of boldness and confidence, the dance of reckless abandon, giving place to the starry eyed two year old dream, locked deeply in my artist soul.

And finally I walked on stage as programs displayed the title, DREAMS DO COME TRUE, as a woman leaping into her childhood soul, playing out the fantasy that may never had come true.....

....if He had not taught me a different dance, the dance of the abandoned soul.


*photo credit

{RE}discovering Him :: Day 22 - The Dance

For the first time in 21 days, I missed a day of posting.

#Fail

However, I am not beating myself up or scolding myself incessantly

{Yeah...I have been THAT girl....SO OFTEN!!}

My life has become a symphony written TO Grace.

The way she moves.
The rhythms of her essence.
The harmony with which she pulls the pieces together.

And yesterday, I felt bad -- REAL bad.

You see, I have these health issues that I don't talk about a whole lot because well, I don't really know what's up and neither do the docs and well, I just don't often feel like "going there" but sometimes I have a doosey of a day where functioning like a "normal" person, is JUST not in the cards.

So another movement is being written
and I live in the rapture of grace, believing that He has

an answer,

a solution,

and yes....even a miracle for me.

It has changed my life in many ways, but I have learned am constantly learning that His plans and purposes never count me out.

Yes. The picture that is developing isn't not quite what I had in mind.
But I think that it may even be better than I could have imagined.
In spite of the pain.
Heck...maybe even BECAUSE of the pain.


{RE}discovery :: In every situation, He teaches me. He changes me. He molds me to become a little more like Him, to have MORE of His heart, to shine His light into the world. I am learning not just to be content in ALL situations....He is teaching me to dance, even if that is sometimes JUST on the inside!!

Previous - Day 21 :: The Beyond

Next - Day 23 :: The Gift

On Breathing, Quitting, & Dancing

"Sometimes at the end of the week I’m too tired to be much good for anything or anyone.

I get that “my eyes feel like they’ve been crying” sensation, even when they haven’t. My head aches and my lips can’t seem to absorb enough Vaseline. I’m hungry, but making a meal seems like a gigantic effort and it’s much easier just to sit here on the couch, absorbing all the silence along with the huff and puff of the heater.

It soothes me.

To just sit here and be still for a bit....."

Click here for more about emptiness and breathing from Gypsy Mama.

"The sweat. The fall. The doubt. The belief. The sunrise. The trail. The pain. The end.

The sun was calling over the mountains like a siren to sailor’s death. The mountain called. I responded. Step by step, minute by minute, mile by mile, I endured the hill. Half way up the trail, I lost my footing and slipped down onto jagged rocks, cutting my hand and shin. I debated quitting. I mean, I had already completed a good amount of trail. What would it matter if I continued? Who would know? Who would care?..."

If you click this link here, you can read the rest of this story on NOT quitting by (in)Courage.

"We should write more letters,
and make more mixed CDs,
and ride our bikes around the block.

We should wave at our neighbors
and talk to our neighbors
and bake cookies for our neighbors and then go talk with them some more.

We should smell flowers on our walk to work...."

Over here, at The Art of Losing, check out the rest of this post and remember to "....dance when everyone is watching...."

Just For Fun!!

I have always had a secret desire to be an actress/performer. If there was a type of performance that I would choose, it would definitely be THE STAGE -- singing, dancing, & acting -- so fun!!

The attached clip is filled with crazy, brave people after my own heart....enjoy!!

30 Days of Hope: Day 29 - My Dreams, Pt 1

Yesterday I shared some quotes on dreams. Dreams are the language of hope. They are how we share the desires of our heart, the plans for our future, and the vision that will brings our tomorrows.

I have never thought of myself as a dreamer. I am a planner. I am an organizer, but not a dreamer, not a visionary. I worked for my uncle for 7 years at a ministry called The Promise Land and later at The Tabernacle, the church that he established and currently pastors. I remember him telling me one day, "Lindsey, you say you are not a dreamer, but you are." I looked at him puzzled of course. He said, "Do you know how I know? Because you always know what will work or won't work in a plan and aren't afraid to say it."

Hahahahahahaa....not sure if that is good or bad, but I think he had figured out something about me that I didn't know about myself. Although I am practical...I, too, am a dreamer.

DANCE
When I was a little girl, age 2 to be exact, I used to dream of being a ballerina. I was scared to take dance in Haiti because the French teachers there were quite intense, so I opted out. When I was 12, I took a summer class during my school vacation in America. I enjoyed it, but that was the end of it. Then, the year that I turned 22, I had finished college, was working full time, and decided to take dance classes full time. I got to dance in a recital that year and the theme -- Dreams DO Come True....I know, maybe cheesy, but perfect for me.

THE ONE
When I was a teenager, I used to dream of being married. I would go outside at night and gaze up at the stars and dream about that special someone looking up at the same stars dreaming about me too. I know. I know. Classic. Cheesy. Boring. But hey, I previously admitted to my hopeless romanticism. Now that I have married a South African, I KNOW that given the 7 hour time difference, we were not looking at the stars at the same time, but that doesn't ruin the dream for me. It took about 10 years from that time, but I am now married to my McDreamy! :)

TRAVEL
The love of travel was probably always there, but really developed fully in my college years. I started going somewhere, anywhere every Fall and Spring Break as well as some summer breaks -- Arkansas; Illinois; St. Louis, Missouri; Los Angeles, California; Denver/Co Springs/Boulder, Colorado; Dallas, Texas; Maine; Rhode Island; India; Phillippines; Thailand; Malaysia, and of course Maryland and Haiti. Since then I have travelled to Columbia & South Africa and previously to Jamacia. I have travelled to 34 of the 50 states, travelled to 10 out of over 250 countries (SO NOT close yet), lived in 3 countries, and had airport stopovers in 3 other countries -- doesn't really count, I know, but a notable mention nonetheless. Travel is in my blood, and I hope to keep travellling A LOT until the day I go on my FINAL DESTINATION. :)



Check back in tomorrow for my conclusion on "30 Days of Hope" as well as my reveal of the biggest dream of my life and the journey that God has had me on while I am waiting to see that dream fulfilled.

In the meantime, please share some of your dreams -- fulfilled or unfulfilled -- let's learn, grow, rejoice, and journey together!!