What I Am Into These Days :: Fall 2012 Edition

Listening ... I haven't been listening to any one thing consistently recently. A few months ago, I purchased Deluge's latest album, Swell, and my favorite song there that stirs my heart is He Rose. Mandisa JUST released a Christmas album this year which I place to break out after Thanksgiving. {Review on that coming soon!}

Watching ... I absolutely ADORE The Voice. I will admit that I am quite often teary at a beautiful performance or watching an artist be praised for their efforts. I love to see a dreamer see some of their dreams coming true. Arno and I have been watching Alias together as neither of us saw it during its 6(or 7) season long run. Gotta love Netflix! I have also been catching up with Doctor Who on Netflix which I truly love. And of course, I could not wait until Downton Abbey was released in the U.S. in January, so I all caught up along with my U.K. friends in the current season. Love Mary and Matthew and I can honestly say shot that I STILL get a thrill of excitement every time I hear the musical intro. #MustDownload My interests are teasingly diverse...yes..that's me!

**Photo Credit

Reading ... I really did a lot of fictional catch up over the summer but seemed to have paused in that endeavor as of late. However, I am in the middle of Ted Dekker's {my favorite Christian fiction author}latest release, The Sanctuary. {Review on that coming soon too!}.  I am also really excited to be a part of the launch team for Graffiti by Alene Snodgrass. Stay tuned on my Twitter feed for more details about this amazing book from BOTH sides of the street. So amazing!

Pinning ... I recently bought Pinterpretation by Holly Gerth and Stephanie Bryant at Squee. I haven't written down all of my answers yet, but it was SUPER fun to go through my boards with all of the questions that they have AMAZINGLY come up with to figure out more of how I am wired! {I totally recommend it!}

Eating ... Um. Salted Caramel. EVERYTHING. The end.

Drinking ... See above. {Thank you, Starbucks, for this --> Salted Caramel Hot Chocolate}

**Photo Credit

Wearing ... Bought some fun random items recently :: sleeveless tuxedo dress, three-quarter length sleeved sheer white top with ruffles, a red ruffled skirt with blue flowers, a polka-dotted scarf, a maroon cotton dress, oh..and..two new pair of jeans. {Taking cute & comfy shoe suggestions for boot cut jeans. Criteria :: Must be able to wear "cutely"WITH socks and MUST be flats...no tennis shoes...comment below PLEASE!!}. Fall is my favorite clothing time of year with tights and boots and scarves. #SoFun

Feeling ... Winter weather is a bit tough on my body with recurring chronic pain flareups and insomnia issues. Thank you for your prayers on my behalf that it would be an AMAZING winter and not a painful one. Scared a bit about our foster care journey...some technical issues have put a pause on the progress but more on that at a later date.

Weather ... This week the forecast is sunny and high 50's -- just beautiful! Should make for perfect Thanksgiving weather!

Wanting ... A new telephoto lens for my DSLR. My current one is twelve years old and is slowly "giving up the ghost." Also for my oven to be fixed soon...looking forward to baking some yummy things this season...hopefully!

**Photo Credit

Needing ... to learn balance in my schedule, in my personality, in my goals, in my approach to life {creativity vs practical}

Thinking ... Christmas! Yay! My absolute favorite season and with this great room, I plan to have the BIG tree of my childhood dreams. #WhoSaysYouHaveToGrowUp

Enjoying ... fireplaces in our new-ish home, visits from long-time college pals, photography classes with my sister, time to learn and grow and process, and as always...His never-ending grace.

What about you? What are you currently up to?
Would love to hear your life-song in this season.

Getting Back To the Most Natural Thing

"The dance of the abandoned soul..."

I penned those words a few weeks ago in response to a Five Minute Friday prompt. And though I may write brave words {you too?}, sometimes {usually} I find myself only SMACK DAB in the middle of the journey still trying hard to hold on to faith and to believe that Love is bigger than my circumstances.

Life has been full and good and dynamic and scary and overwhelming and anxiety-filled. The moments blend together in a roller coaster of exhilarating fun and scream-silencing terror. In this season, I find my heart and mind filled to the brim with a jumble of words that long to be written, topics that beg for a voice, and heart songs that burst to be sung.

I sit to purge my soul onto screen and feel stifled by my own self, the chaos that is me. So at the urging of my dear friend, Annie, art must find at outlet SOMEWHERE, and in a moment of sheer spontaneity, I dust off my old ballet shoes when the delightful realization that I now have HARDWOOD FLOORS fills my mind.

I jog the recesses of my mind to find all 5 positions, reminding my out-of-shape body the correct placement of hips and shoulders, struggling to find the proper dancer-center-of-gravity. Within moments {and a little Google reminder!}, my soul and mind and heart and body join as one to express the un-uttered longings that have desperately vied for attention.

My heart continues to burst with unspoken lyrics and prose-y melodies, but for today, I dance to the rhythm of the One who placed the songs in my soul and the pulse in my feet

Amy Dane of Amy in Wanderland wrote this reply to one of her readers on her own post about dance:

"Exactly! I thought of David, too! And then I wondered why it’s not the most natural thing in the world to us. :)" 

And I wondered too...how we lose that freedom to "...dance like no one watching." As children, it is there, vibrant and strong, and then life gets in the way and we stop dancing.

So while I dance today, I catch snatches of lyrics flowing from the music my feet step too...

"seize the day...."
"hold on to every moment..."
"life slips away just like hourglass sand..."

So I choose to press into the confusion and chaos, into the middle where whimsy and abandon lie, slipping my feet back into the shoes He has kept for me, just waiting for me to remember the dance of a soul abandoned to her Daddy.

And....they feel just right.
The most natural thing in the world.

Five Minute Friday :: See

Some days I feel like I am seeing myself for the first time.

Like everything that I once knew about my mind and heart and point of view has shifted with radical force.

Like the world has turned up side down and I wonder not only who I am and how I fit in this new place but also what about the way I always thought the rest of the world worked?

Mostly, deep down in my soul, there is a caged animal roaring to life, an artist being set free for the first time in years, a dreamer reattaching her wings preparing to fly.

And I'm scared.
No really.
I am TRULY scared
of what I SEE with these eyes
and yet
Emily Freeman's words reverberate over and over and over in the recesses of my mind and in the shadows of my heart....

"Are you listening to the Voice of Fear or the Voice of Love?"

And somehow in that question...I truly SEE.

Joining Lisa-Jo over 

at The Gypsy Mama 

for Five Minute Friday, 

where we all just stop, 

drop, and write 

for 5 minutes flat. 

Come join the party!

Project 365 :: Day 127-149

My heart and mind have been full these past few weeks with thoughts, hopes, fears, dreams, worries, goals, anxieties about the future, the present, and even the past, making it a bit hard to truly write and express something coherently here in this space. So I have been continuing to snap photos, looking for the beauty in the every day as well as counting my gifts {although I haven't shared those in weeks} to help me to sort through the cacophony that is my mind. I will be sharing soon {hopefully!}, but until then...please enjoy little snatches of my life in the images below.

Day 127 :: My first view outside every day out of my 

bathroom window #MyFavorite 

Day 128 :: Just ME...enjoying my back yard!

Looks like the door needs some cleaning! ;-) 

Day 129 :: Natural Beauty 

#HangingWithOlivia 

Day 130 :: Arno getting some love 

Day 131 :: Fruit by the Foot

#HappyBoy 

Day 132 :: "I love my new house." ~Morris

#MyOwnBackYard 

Day 133 :: Mulching the garden

#HardWorker 

Day 134 :: First day out with the kite

and look.... #UpUpAndAway

Day 136 :: Forgot to take a pic yesterday {I know, weird!} 

but I will make up for it with a couple extra in the rest of the week. 

For today, this is Olivia just up from her nap drinking her "juice."

Day 137(1) :: Reflection

Day 137(2) :: Gazing

Day 138 :: Sheer Joy 

{Playing in the park with Liv}

Day 139 :: Pottery Competition at Monthly

3rd Friday Art Event -- I enjoyed this so much!

Day 140 :: Congrats, Liz, on achieving your Masters in Business

So proud of you!

Day 141 :: Raindrops

Day 142 :: Shopping with our local coupon queen,

my Aunt Bonnie

Day 143(1) :: Kitty "Love" 

Day 143(2) :: Schwing

Day 144 :: Banana Nut Muffins

Day 145(1) :: Embracing the Wind

Day 145(2) :: Little Liv with baby and "bobbie"

Day 146 :: So yeah...I live with a lion. ;-)

Day 147 :: Happy 2nd Birthday, Haylee

Day 148 :: She really loves him. ;-)

Day 149 :: Was doing some decorating today

and put a few pieces of Africa on display

{Don't you love how the ostrich egg broke

in close resemblance to the shape

of the African continent??}

I'm on a journey, chronicling my life with a picture a day for a year. I hope to discover the world around me in my day-to-day life in a uniquely different way as well as learn more about my DSLR to better capture those precious moments. Linking up with my friend Paige and others who are taking this challenge too.

The Artist's Voice

"She has so much control in her voice," I say as my own almost cracks in awe of the beauty in that moment.

I am surprised as tears blind my eyes in the first 20 seconds of this girl's vocal performance on The Voice.

photo courtesy of wetpaint.com

The cry of the artist's soul reaches into mine, and even as I type these words, wells form over my pupils with a lump in my throat.

Week after week I watch contestants walk onto the stage. My heart tightens with anticipation and nervousness on their behalf.  To see the fulfillment of long awaited dreams thrills me to my toes. While I know that there can only be one "winner" in this contest, the exposure given to each vocalist intoxicates my passions.

I love the connection I feel with these talented individuals, not because I have even half of their musical talent, but because their spirit, their fire, their dreamer's energy sparks latent desires of my own.

Artists SEE each other.

We recognize greatness. We understand the way one's heart is worn on the sleeve. We hear the unique drumbeat even when it varies from our own.

And we champion the aspirations within those faces we see.

At least that is how it is supposed to be.

So often we find ourselves jealous, envious, angry at the talent or preference given to another's genius. "What about me? When will it be my turn? When will I get noticed? When will my dreams be realized?"

Something primal and instinctive causes us to recognize another deep soul in a crowd, and often like dogs we mark our territory, wanting to shine in our own little area.

It causes this question to rise up as a challenge to my soul...

"How can I give place to another's voice?"

How can I campaign for the dreams of my sister, my friends, or the unknown woman an ocean away?

How do I allow the artist's voice inside of me to not only thrive with the dream The Master Artist placed inside of my heart but also to rally behind, to advocate for, to crusade on behalf of every struggling, fledgling artist out there dreaming along with me?

And the best answer that I can come up with is this: See through His eyes. Love from His heart. Dream with His possibilities. Pour grace and support and praise into the lives of those you rub shoulders with. Push others up a little higher. Get behind their long-lost dreams.

Even as I type this, I feel the pang as my own humanity fights against this notion. I realize that I may even be challenged with this soon just because of writing these words...

And yet....

When we pray to be "more like Jesus" is not this one of those moments where He takes us at our word? Since ultimately I want my life to reflect His, yielding to the voice of the greatest artist ever known, must be my creative choice.

What an artist is trying to do for people 
is bring them closer to something, 

because of course art is about sharing: 

you wouldn’t be an artist 
if you didn’t want to share an experience, a thought. 

~ David Hockney 

Treat people as if they were what they ought to be, 

and help them become what they are capable of being. 

~ Goethe

Father, may we first recognize the dreamer, the creative soul, the passionate artist in our own souls and then will you help us to daily SEE other's dreams, CHAMPION other's destinies, LOVE with abandon, and GIVE from a place of want that we may see a world colored by the ART of the Master? Thank you for your grace to walk this out. In Jesus' name. Amen.

 

Five Minute Friday: Unexpected

Have I mentioned how much I love The Gypsy Mama?

She is from my husband's homeland and understands what it feels like to live in places outside of the country of your birth.

She is a word weaver, and I adore the way she paints a picture using those beautiful colors. I got to meet her and share heart morsels with her at Relevant, and that was pretty fabulous!

Five Minute Friday has long been my favorite writing party, and it is even MORE special now that I not only met Lisa-Jo, but also so many super cool ladies who link up there! It is a pretty special place, and if you haven't visited, you SO should.

So on with the 5 minutes....

Today's topic is......UNEXPECTED {heehee}

GO.

When I began my 31 day journey last month, I wasn't sure what would happen what I would discover. I only knew that I HAD to do it. I had to write. I had to {RE}discover. I had to know that there was MORE to this journey than "just because". I wanted to find the purpose or at least A purpose.

I could never have imagined that 25 days later, I would be living a dream -- to rub shoulders with writers, dreamers, artists who are also Godly, compassionate, loving women, wanting to change the world, THEIR world with the gift and talents that God gave them -- their words.

To pour out one's heart and brokenness on paper or screen, with fear & trepidation that actually defines strength and character is not something that I comes easy, and yet in this beautiful place, we call Relevant, there were many of these brave & mighty warriors.

I didn't know when I started rediscovering that I would find women after my own heart.
Women after His heart.
So beautiful.
So awesome.
So broken.
So like me.

STOP.

I am a Writer

My life was on a one-way track, moving forward and upward with every decision, promotion, decision, and goal.

Graduate from an accredited high school with honors.

Check.

Get into great Christian university.

Check.

Be involved in activities, clubs, groups, leadership AND try to graduate with honors from college.

Check.

Travel the U.S. and as many countries as possible.

Check.

Find a job out of college that I love, working in full-time ministry.

Check.

Keep growing in ministry potential & leadership positions.

Check.

Get married {okay, so this one took awhile...but eventually....}

Check.

Move into ministry & leadership opportunities as a couple.

Check.

My life was good.

I loved working with & ministering to people, traveling the world, living the dream with my best friend & love of my life. Granted, I thought I would get married a "bit" younger, but nonetheless, I grew tremendously on my own and with God in amazing ways as a single woman, so I felt that God had prepared me for where He was taking us as a couple.

Yeah, life was good.

I mean, heck, life was pretty, crazy fabulous.

And then, something happened.

I struggle to truly pinpoint a day

A moment in time

A specific instance

where I can say, "That was it. That was where everything changed."

In many ways, it seemed like I woke up one day, and thought,

What's happening to me?

Where am I?

Why is my life not what I dreamed or wanted it to be?

WHO AM I?

What would that romantic dreamer of a girl,

growing up on the sunny isle of Hispaniola

say if she could have taken a peek into this season of her life?

How did I end up here?

And so, true to the psychologist in my brain, I analyzed.

Living away from family and friends in a country where you were not raised is hard.

Struggling to conceive for over three years would disappoint even the strongest of hearts.

Battling with unknown chronic pain for the majority of the duration of living on said foreign soil until present day looms on the verge of impossible.

And then of course the day the bottom fell out....

Finding out that my island home was ravaged by a 7.0 magnitude earthquake, and being cut off from all communication with my heroes -- my parents -- not knowing if they were dead or alive competed with Titanic-level catastrophe in this mortal body.

And I was undone.

I felt finished.

I think I thought I would die.

And some days, I wished I would.

It's been a long road from that space in time, and yet if I could tell you now, a reason, a purpose, a why, or a how I got to that place, it would not be any of the heartbreaks or tragedies that I mentioned.

The reason that I found myself out of alignment with my dreams was because I silenced the dreamer, the artist, the creative force inside of my mind and heart, screaming for a voice.

I.

SHUT.

HER.

UP.

In one fail swoop.

Unwittingly.

Naively, even.

On the altar of the practical, the agenda, the purpose, the destiny.

So, in the midst of the greatest pain that my soul had ever known,

a writer emerged.

Nervous.

Fearful.

Filled with trepidation,

but a writer nonetheless.

And from the ashes, Jesus has been making something beautiful.

And so I write.

Because I must.

Because it healed me.

Because it set me free.

Because the dreamer has to dream.

Because the artist must create.

Because I was born for this.

I am a writer.