Snippets of the Crazy-Slow

I think I have written a thousand, a hundred, okay....maybe a dozen....yes at least a dozen blog posts in my mind over the past six weeks.

Sometimes they were just snippets of a thought.
Other times they had some meaty length to it.
All of them were amazing...she says so humbly...or at least in "my" mind's eye.
But alas, none of them made it to paper...or even screen....so maybe they were just to feed my soul in the interim of waiting to pour out my heart here....to you.

Life has been busy and slow.
But I have said that here already.
I just wish that I could expound more on what that feels like, what that IS in my heart and soul.
Maybe I will soon...or maybe not...
For now, I think I will just share what that conglomeration of this fast slow motion looks like.

1) My Granny fell and broke her neck six weeks ago yesterday. Her neck has been healing beautifully and the brace is now off. She is, as you can imagine, having a lot of pain there as her body learns to hold that weight on its own again. She had a trache for awhile which miraculously came out on its own about 2 weeks ago and the hole, or stoma, as the medical professionals call it is completely healed up. She has been from hospital to rehab to hospital and now back to rehab again. Each change has been filled with its own ups and downs and scares and joys along the way. Granny suffers from dementia so currently our family {mom, sister, aunts and cousins} rotate being with her around the clock. As she is back in rehab, we know that we are on the home stretch...at least that is how we pray since she has been IN rehab and BACK to hospital once already. If you are the praying kind, would you please pray for her recovery, the infections her body is fighting, and for our family for strength to continue with grace in this long journey?? Thank you.

2) I got a new part time job of which I am currently in Week 3. I have translated for Haitian students and families via our local Board of Education off and on for the past 10 years or so. Last year, all the translators had to re-interview and come "on staff" officially. In the interview process, I was asked if I was interested in tutoring to which I promptly said, "Yes!" So I am not officially a tutor IN an ESOL {English as a Second Language} class room for 90 minutes a day. Two thirds of the class are Haitian kids. I am working at a middle school so the kids are lovely and moody and frustratingly beautiful. I feel like this job is a gift to me and seriously, there are some that I am ready to bring home with me. {And I really don't say stuff like that....their stories/hearts are just wrecking me...}

3) We are OFFICIALLY foster parents!! Yay! and WHOA! This process has been long and arduous and I am not even talking about the paper work. I do not think going in that I was preparing for the emotional and mental onslaught that would ravage my being.

Will the first child living in my home really NOT be my own biological baby? 

Am I really ready for this? 

Can my physical body handle what investing into these lives will mean? 

Can my heart? 

These, along with a hundred practical questions racked my brain to no end. I wanted to quit MORE times than I wanted to move forward and something, Someone bigger than me kept propelling us forward one painful step at a time. I have been forced to face my own fears and judgements and life choices, and I am sure this is NOT the end...which scares me honestly, but did I mention my heart is now wrecked beyond repair? In the good ways...the ways that you know that this is right and good and part of the crazy-grand-scheme-of-things.

4) And finally....this one is hard and exciting to say all at the same time. The Lord is healing me. Really and truly. Heart and soul, of course, but specifically in body. About four years ago, I began having unexplained pains that over the course of the following year and half increased in frequency and intensity. With a possible diagnosis of fibromyalgia but unable to take the prescribed course of medicine given to those who suffer with this unseen illness, we made some radical life changes and left South Africa and moved back to the United States. While my physical issues were not the primary reason for us making that life change, they were the catalyst that propelled us forward. For the past two and a half years since then, I have fought a daily battle of balance in my life, trying to find the right amount of work-to-rest ratio. To say it has been hard would be an understatement, and just when I was ready to accept that maybe this is just the journey of learning that God wanted me to go through to learned more about His grace, the Lord sent someone to remind me of His promises to me {more on that story later} and He is really healing me. It is a slow heal, like synapses and muscles coming together in harmony again, but I am getting stronger every day. There are still good days and bad days and I continue to work to believe that He IS still JUST as faithful on the bad days...but I needed to say it nonetheless....thank you, Jesus, for this healing.
{P.S. THIS was actually on my God-sized dream list!!}

There is more...of life and potential changes on the horizon and buzzing around in my heart of things still to come....but I feel like this is all I can share for now.

I am excited to be living His plan in this season, in spite of the HARD parts too...
He is going deep and wide in the caverns of my heart and soul,
 and I feel SUCH an assurance that I will never be the same.

Five Minute Friday :: Again {He is STILL God}

I have spent the last ten days off and on hearing the whirs and rhythms of the hospital cadence.

Granny fell and broke her neck.

It always sounds so dramatic and serious when I say it out like that. And I suppose it is. My analytical brain refused to focus on the severity and merely deals with each task at hand -- errands, work, sitting with Granny, supporting Mom, whatever was needed and fighting off the effects of the flu within my own body. Then two days ago, my heart caught up. I hit a wall. Emotionally. I had to stop.

I am still here, Lindsey.

That still small voice, reminding me again of His truths, His purpose, His plan.

I am still in control.

When I hit the end of my self...again...He is there.

Be still and know that I am God.
I am working on your behalf, on her behalf.
I see the beginning from the end and every step in between.
Trust in Me as you still your heart again to the melodies of grace flowing from my heart to yours.

I AM still here.

Mom with Granny on Friday, January 25th
{9 days after surgery for broken neck}

**Update on Granny as of 4:30 p.m. EST :: She is doing VERY well today. She is off of the ventilator. She is wearing a trache collar now, which apparently is a step up. She had physical therapy today and was able to sit up for awhile. This morning she was very alert and recognizing people as well as communicating as much as she can without being able to speak because of the trache. She is resting peacefully now.

Prayer Request :: Please pray that she will pass her swallow test when they give it and that her sugar levels would be under control.

20 Questions for 2012

20 Questions for End of the Year Reflections

1. What was the single best thing that happened this past year?

We bought a house and then I fell in love with it,  for this nomadic missionary kid that is quite a feat!

2. What was the single most challenging thing that happened?

For the first time in three years, I actually had to think about this question because no obvious answer came to me right away. Such a beautiful miracle!  I suppose the most challenging thing has been the journey of becoming certified to be foster parents. The paperwork and inspections and interviews are the EASY part. The part that I did not expect was the emotional and mental roller coaster that I would feel preparing to step into this. I am still scared silly!!

3. What was an unexpected joy this past year?

I had almost 6 months of the year where I had more "good" days than "bad" days with my health. I do not talk a lot about the chronic pain issues that I have here on the blog, but they do overshadow a lot of how I live my life, unfortunately, not by choice, so the fact that this has been the "best" year health wise in 3 years is just amazing!

4. What was an unexpected obstacle?

1) The EXTRA 3 months that it took to close on our short sale.

2) As mentioned above, the overwhelming emotions in processing what it would mean to be foster parents, to have the first children we would be "raising" for a time not be our "own."

5. Pick three words to describe 2012.

His Relentless Pursuit 

6. Pick three words your spouse would use to describe your 2012

(don’t ask them; guess based on how you think your spouse sees you).

Healthier. Happier. More-like-yourself-again.

7. Pick three words your spouse would use to describe their 2012 (again, without asking).

Chilled. Transforming. Revealing.

8. What were the best books you read this year?

Grace for the Good Girl is on my list again this year as I continued reading into 2012. I did quite a few fictional reviews this year, but my favorite of them all was Breath of Angel by Karen Henley.

9. With whom were your most valuable relationships?

Arno, my life-long friends {college & local}, my parents, my sister,

Blogging friends who are IRL friends, Libby and all my (in) This Season ladies

10. What was your biggest personal change from January to December of this past year?

Finding the desire and passion and drive to dream again

11. In what way(s) did you grow emotionally?

I learned that I wait TOO long before I ask for help because it is so hard for me to ask so I am SLOWLY learning NOT to do this, even with those closest to me

12. In what way(s) did you grow spiritually?

The more I learn about how and who God wired me to be, the closer I feel to Him and His heart. The more I live the life HE created me for, the more I feel alive in my purpose on this earth.

That is the lesson that has come alive for me this year.

13. In what way(s) did you grow physically?

As mentioned above, I have seen significant improvement in my chronic pain issues this year. While I am not back to my "old" self yet, I am SO VERY thankful for the healing the Lord has/continues to do in my body!

14. In what way(s) did you grow in your relationships with others?

As I am more fully embracing who I am, I am embracing that uniqueness in others around me. The past few years, GRACE has been like an anthem to me. I feel that the Lord is constantly teaching me not only to have grace for myself and my own story but for others and their journeys too.

15. What was the most enjoyable part of your work (both professionally and at home)?

The flexibility and the variety of working various types of jobs

16. What was the most challenging part of your work (both professionally and at home)?

Finding the balance with how to manage my time the best, especially with the health limitations

17. What was your single biggest time waster in your life this past year?

Probably TV/Internet

18. What was the best way you used your time this past year?

Taking photography classes with my sister. Connecting with ladies at (in) This Season. Taking time to write more and more strategically. Connecting with others who have like-minded hearts and passions.

19. What was biggest thing you learned this past year?

What I have learned the most goes along with my OneWord for 2012 :: Relentless. The Father has shown me that He is relentlessly pursuing my heart. He is relentless in seeing the dreams He has placed inside of me come true. He is relentless to heal me and to renew what the devil tried to steal. He is relentless so I do not always have to be. He IS on my behalf.

20. Create a phrase or statement that describes 2012 for you.

Weeping may come for a night, but joy comes in the morning.

Check out my 2010 Reflection Q & A.
Check out my 2011 Reflection Q & A.

Project 365 :: Day 331-343

I cannot believe that I am on the home stretch on this Project 365 journey!  Wow! 

The past two weeks have been filled with photography assignments, outdoor maintenance, Christmas tree hunting and decorating, time with a few of my favorite kiddos, and MORE!

Day 331 :: Hello, world! 

Day 332(1) :: Illuminated Beauty in Focus 

Day 332(2) :: Sunshine and Symmetry 

Day 333 :: Sunset Play 

Day 334 :: Thank you, (in)courage and Lisa Leonard Designs

for this BEAUTIFUL #incouragers gift

#ILoveIt 

Day 335 :: Our new chair, now dubbed Morris' chair, for, well OBVIOUS reasons! ;-) 

Day 336 :: Raking leaves with my man

#FunTimes 

Day 337(1) :: Photo Montage with Sis

{She looks so much like my mom here!} 

Day 337(2) :: Christmas tree hunting at its best 

Day 337(3) :: On an adventure to find the PERFECT Christmas tree 

Day 338 :: An afternoon with the Gran 

Day 340 :: Watch out, Rudolph! There's a new reindeer in town! 

Day 341 :: All grown up! 

Day 342(1) :: "It's a hard life! I am just exhausted!!" 

Day 342(2) :: Mace girl, our goddaughter, LOVES her red boots!! 

Day 342(3) :: The Tabernacle Christmas production - Sci Fy stle 

Day 343(1) :: Our "mostly" finished tree

Day 343(2) :: One of my favorite in a set of ornaments gifted to me years ago --

handmade scrolls with the names of Jesus on it

I'm on a journey, chronicling my life with a picture a day for a year. I am nearing the end of my journey {just over 20 days left!} and have delighted in the consistent discovery of the world around me in my day-to-day life in a uniquely different way as well as learned more about my DSLR to better capture those precious moments. 

{Update: Currently taking the 2nd of two photography classes 
with my sister this fall/winter 2012...very exciting stuff!!}

Project 365 :: Day 315-328

Outdoor walks, a movie date, visits with old friends and little goddaughters,

 an 80th birthday, Black Friday shopping and more!

Happy holiday month!

Day 315 :: My boys chillin' together 

Day 316 :: Hanging with my Gran-Gran Betty Lou 

Day 317 :: We all need a little Paris in our lives, right? 

Day 318 :: Yeah. We own this place. :-)

Day 319 :: Movie Date with my favorite man!  

Day 320 :: Yeah it was just this kind of the day -- 

the-finish-the-ice-cream-right-out-of-the-carton kind of day!   

Day 321 :: Love her -- little Mace girl

#OurGoddaughter 

Day 323 :: Yay! A visit from "Bames"

It had been over 5 years!

#CollegePalsAreTheBest 

Day 324(1) :: Skyping with my mom in Haiti for Granny's birthday 

Day 324(2) :: Granny with ALL her grands and great-grands 

on her 80th birthday 

Day 325 :: A fall walk 

Day 326 :: Happy Thanksgiving Day from the van Niekerks! 

Day 327(1) :: A 3 am Black Friday photo opp during my first time

Black Friday shopping ever

#SisterFun #NoWeDidNotBuyThisChocolate

Day 327(2) :: I'm always saying what great teeth he has.... ;-) 

Day 328 :: A little more shopping with two of my favorite people!!

I'm on a journey, chronicling my life with a picture a day for a year. I am nearing the end of my journey {less than 40 days left!} and have delighted in the consistent discovery of the world around me in my day-to-day life in a uniquely different way as well as learned more about my DSLR to better capture those precious moments. 

{Update: Currently taking the 2nd of two photography classes 
with my sister this fall/winter 2012...very exciting stuff!!}