Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Pregnant with Hope

We were driving back from the beach on Memorial Day, and I had a silly fit hit me. Now if you have ever been or are ever in the future "privileged" to preview one of those - it is QUITE a sight to behold {if I do say so myself}. And this one was definitely over the top.

Ice cream or ANY version thereof {frozen yogurt, gelato, frozen custard, etc} is my ABSOLUTE favorite thing to eat! BAR NONE! So at the beach, we found a place where you take an empty cup/bowl and self-serve any and all flavors and/or toppings that you want - LOADS of toppings. So, I filled up TO THE RIM - literally. My sister said she kept wondering HOW MUCH more I could fit on there.

Once I bought my creamy delight {and realized that I was paying by weight - OOPS!}, the reality of HOW much frozen yogurt that I had actually just purchased to consume in a short period of time hit me! Oh, boy! But....every bite was so delicious and varied that I TRULY felt like a kid in a candy shop...what am I saying???...I was the kid in the candy shop who got every single thing she wanted.

So as we rode home, I was so delighted with my delectable treat that I felt overwhelmed with ridiculous jokes and contagious laughter, so much so that on the hour long ride home with my sister, her husband, and mine, I slowly sucked each one of them into my Pied Piper world, quoting line after line from whatever movie popped into our brains, and ending the ride with my sister and I singing, LOUDLY, songs from childhood, teenage years or whatever, with God Bless America topping off the evening just before we pulled into our driveway.

I have always LOVED to laugh. That childhood delight in the little and BIG things of life has always been mine. In fact, my grandmother gave me the nickname of "JOY", when I was a teenager, because the WAY I loved life was infectious.

But that girl had all but disappeared over the past two years. She would make momentary appearances or special showings, like a retired athelete or movie star, but I wondered if she would ever come again.


And suddenly, there she was...in ALL her former glory...pulling out ALL the stops!

My husband was driving, and I would hear him laugh at my antics or random humor or simple delight with my own wit, and it made me think about how "the girl" he married had been in hiding for awhile. As I was driving to work yesterday, my mind & heart soaked in the remembrance of the real joy in his laugh, the true mirth in mine, the genuine play with my sister, and I tearfully & thankfully basked in the overwhelming realization that God is SO faithful.


I have always loved Anne of Green Gables. I have read and re-read and re-read all 8 books in the series over and over again since elementary school. Each time that I read I learn new things about life and grace and character. This excerpt is taken from Anne's House of Dreams after she has lost her firstborn daughter during childbirth....


Oh, Marilla, I don't see how I can EVER be happy again--EVERYTHING will hurt me all the rest of my life."

"It won't hurt so much always, Anne."

"The thought that it may stop hurting sometimes hurts me worse than all else, Marilla."


Sometimes it is hard to hope in the face of heartache because what your heart is broken over is SO desperately important to you, and you don't want to forget. Somehow forgetting makes is seem small or less important, so you hold on and stay in this place of limbo -- unable to heal, unable to move forward, unable to grow.


I know that people told me to hope, to trust in God, to know that He had a plan, but sometimes you wonder when pain and hurt have become like your own skin, if you will EVER be able to see the world with that childlike wonder again, especially to a heart like Anne's....to a heart like mine...


"....Oh, everybody has been so dear and good and lovely to me, Marilla. I'm not ungrateful--and perhaps--when this horrible ache grows a little less--I'll find that I can go on living."

....Anne {eventually} found that she could go on living; the day came when she even smiled again over one of Miss Cornelia's speeches. But there was something in the smile that had never been in Anne's smile before and would never be absent from it again.


I think that last line has held powerful meaning to me. "But there was something in the smile that had never been in Anne's smile before and would never be absent from it again." I understand that now! I really do! My smile may have changed....my laughter may be different...I may have altered somewhat in my world view....and sometimes people may not understand my choices or my pain or my silliness....



But today.....



I am pregnant with hope....pregnant with purpose...pregnant with the future that HE has for me.


No....my "eyes" cannot SEE the WHAT or the HOW or the WHEN, but my heart & my spirit are alive with this powerful hope for the future.


And that makes me smile....



....and laugh....



....and oh yeah....



....and I'm even doing a bit of a happy dance!



Hello...little girl! It's GRRRREEEAAATTT to see YOU again...I've missed ya! ;)





Linking up with....

FaithBarista_FreshJamBadgeG

and

23 comments:

Nyjazu said... Best Blogger Tips

Thank you! Thank you for sharing!!!

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

Thanks so much for stopping by and reading!

Ritten81 said... Best Blogger Tips

I just loved reading this.  You have brought joy to so many lives.  Was challenging the ladies 2 weeks ago to enjoy life and laugh more. Children laugh 150 times a day and adults 7 to 8 times. We must be like little children. I remember today all the laughter you have put in my life and our shared love for ice cream.  Love you much.

Beverly Scott Brumbley said... Best Blogger Tips

It is the YOU I love so much!!!  So wonderful to read your words, your thoughts, your feelings.  March on, Baby!  God's promises and blessings are yours as you so faithfully walk in Him and in whom you are!  Thanks for blessing all of us by being the person you are in our lives!!  

whimseadesigns said... Best Blogger Tips

Thank you for pouring out your heart Lindsey! What an inspiration those words...better yet, your story is for everyone else. I know it's difficult to hold on to hope when we want something so bad....I find myself in the same rutts! So, I'm right there with ya girl...holding on to hope, sometimes I find myself holding on for dear life.

whimseadesigns said... Best Blogger Tips

Thank you for pouring out your heart Lindsey! What an inspiration those words...better yet, your story is for everyone else. I know it's difficult to hold on to hope when we want something so bad....I find myself in the same rutts! So, I'm right there with ya girl...holding on to hope, sometimes I find myself holding on for dear life.

whimseadesigns said... Best Blogger Tips

Thank you for pouring out your heart Lindsey! What an inspiration those words...better yet, your story is for everyone else. I know it's difficult to hold on to hope when we want something so bad....I find myself in the same rutts! So, I'm right there with ya girl...holding on to hope, sometimes I find myself holding on for dear life.

Emily Wierenga said... Best Blogger Tips

this made me want to cry. first of all, i adore anne. secondly, i used to be that girl too... you've made me yearn to find her again. thank you, friend. (i feel you are a kindred spirit :))

Alittlebitograce said... Best Blogger Tips

I enjoyed reading this, especially the quotes from Anne. 

Jewels said... Best Blogger Tips

I honestly have no idea how I found your blog but I'm glad I did.  Your post gives me encouragement that maybe one day too I will be able to love the life I've been given again and live in the joy.  "I know that people told me to hope, to trust in God, to know that He had a plan, but sometimes you wonder when pain and hurt have become like your own skin, if you will EVER be able to see the world with that childlike wonder again."  I can totally relate to that last part.  I actually counsel others with the encouragement of God's plans and sufficiency and all the while wondering if I will be able to believe it again myself.  Thanks for writing your heart...from one lost in singleness

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

Thank, Aunt Paula!  I appreciate you stopping by to comment and to encourage me to continue to walk in joy every day!

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

Thanks, Momma!  I appreciate how you have stood by me through the years!

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

Sometimes it is nice to know that we are not alone in this fight, isn't it?

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

Oh, Emily!  That means a lot to me.  And I am glad that I am not alone in the journey to find and KEEP the "girl" inside of us! And I LOVE KINDRED SPIRITS! 

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

Thanks so much for your encouragement and for taking the time to comment.

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

I can TOTALLY relate to encouraging others of God's plan and all the while wondering if He had forgotten ME!  I am so glad that you found me, and I look forward to visiting you too!

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

I can't seem to link over to your blog...will you pop back over here and leave me your url?

juliejones_20 said... Best Blogger Tips

I actually have posted anything on my blog in quite some time but the link is http://juliejustagirl.blogspot.com/, you could also find me on facebook as julie r jones

Rebecca said... Best Blogger Tips

Reading this makes me realize how much I miss that childlike joy and giddyness, I haven't felt it for awhile. Maybe some icecream will help? :)

Katie @ Imperfect People said... Best Blogger Tips

I think we would totally be BFF.  My roomate from college would always try her best to get me into one of my "silly fits' where I laugh so hard yet I am completley silent...it's quite a site.

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

Awww...how fun!  I LOVE laughing like that and being SO silly to the point of ridiculous-ness! :)

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

YUM!!  I say...GO FOR IT!

Nacole Simmons said... Best Blogger Tips

beautiful! i have lost two babies, so i know a little of that pain you allude to. 
 
that girl is inside of me somewhere too...longing to come out, i think. its been awhile. when my sister and i get together, sometimes we get started in a laughing fit--one of those non-sensical, completely riduculous fits--and when it begins, my husband knows. he just says, "oh boy--i think it's time for bed" and laughs deep. *smile*
 
blessings to you, new friend!

Related Posts with Thumbnails