Tuesday, April 10, 2012

In The Shadows

I have a fascination with shadow and light.

I try to capture the essence of what each moment means to me,
the beauty that I see there.

Sometimes I get it right, and other times, the picture cannot hold a candle to the reality of the now that I feel.

I have spent a few years living life amongst the shadows.

At first the shadow was small, apparent, yet not overpowering, but the longer it lingered, it seemed to loom larger until another shadow appeared, making the first seem insignificant. These two shadows vyed for the light, each taking more, in a battle to win the duel. And still yet another appeared, and then another, threatening to choke every shard of light from my life.

The war waged on, and I fought and fought to stand in the light, to hold my ground, to hang on so that I could fight again tomorrow.

And then one day, it was too much, and in spite of the warrior heart beating loud and true in my soul, I retreated into the corner of the shadows, sobbing and gasping for reprieve from these insurmountable foes.

The shadows are a scary place. Lonely, abandoned, heartbreaking....most people do not enter into your shadows with you. Sometimes they just cannot and other times like a scared, trapped, little animal we hiss and scratch at them until they just simply go away.

For me, shadow or light, it did not seem to matter, I still felt alone -- alone in my fight or alone in my misery.

And now, the shadows are still there, looming around me. Every day is a fight, sometimes hour by hour, just to push my face into the light and to SEE His goodness, to glimpse His grace.

And then there are days when I just fall down with exhaustion and anger. "Why does living in peace and joy and grace seem to be so daggone hard?"

So I pull into the shadows, for just a little while, but I have learned, am still learning....

The light calls to you, even while you are in the darkest of shadows.

The Scripture says it this way....

Deep calls unto deep...
Psalm 42:7

As a young girl, my artistic soul was always moved by these words, but only now through a bit of heartache and pain, do I truly understand the psalmist's heartcry to the Father. My whole being resonates with these words because I know that the deep is the one in a dark place crying out to the deepest part of the Father's heart.

Like mine does.
In the shadows.

I do not know what shadow is overpowering your life today. Maybe you are feeling the loss of something once held or never known. Maybe you feel you have never experienced your life truly in the light of day. May I encourage you to find your hope in Him? Not because it is a cliche or because it is easy. Not because I have it all figured out or know all the answers, but because the light is calling out to you. If you really listen, you will even hear it calling you BY NAME. I promise.

Why am I discouraged?
Why is my heart so sad?
I will put my hope in God!
I will praise him again—
my Savior and my God!
Psalm 42:5-6

Read the entire Psalm here.
I promise the encouragement and REAL understanding
from the psalmist there will blow you away!

And just one more thing....please know ::
You are not alone.
Wherever you find yourself.
In the fight or in the shadows.
I would love to hear your heart on this in the comments or in an email {lindseyfoj (at) gmail (dot) com}.

Linking up with Imperfect Prose on Thursdays with Emily at CanvasChild.com.


hyacynth said... Best Blogger Tips

I really, really, really needed to read this today. I don't want to live in the shadows; I want to live in His deep and abundant light. 

Cara @ WhimsySmitten said... Best Blogger Tips

Oh beautiful Lindsey. I hope you live every moment with His light pouring over you -- you have nothing to hide in the shadows. I know the feeling you describe, but I wish this world was free of it. Even when you are in a shadow, the light within you simply illuminates. I hope you can see that from wherever you're standing today.

Meredith said... Best Blogger Tips

My shadows, my deep crying out, is the disparity between the self that I long to be, and the reality of who I am.

It feels like a crushing weight sometimes.
Praying for you in your shadows, dear friend.

Mitzi said... Best Blogger Tips


Cole Bozic said... Best Blogger Tips

Goodness...don't know what God is doing-He has put 5 blogs in my path today that stir me to the core. I know exactly what you are talking about. light. darkness. frustration that living the life at peace is a war. Thank you for sharing so that women like me can be encouraged to keep fighting.

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

Amen. I am so glad. Thankful for His grace and connections...

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

Thank you, my friend. Whenever my close friends or family tell me that they see the light or joy or happiness in my life in spite of the...., I find courage in those words. Courage that just rises up from the depths of my soul. Thank you for being my courage bearer when I forget.

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

So deep..."the self that I long to be and the reality of who I am." OH I how I resonate with that, Mer...it seems to be the constant longing of our souls maybe the more we live and realize how this world is so not our home.

*hugs* and love back to you, dear heart!

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

I LOVE seeing the way God weaves His heartbeat through His children. It's a beautiful thing! And thank you for taking the time to comment to pour the courage right back into me. That means the world!

nontobeko said... Best Blogger Tips

My shadows in form of my issues. The light of Jesus shines on them.I'm greatful thankful for He completes the good work He has started in me. But I'm tired Lord the tears. Sanctification is not easy. My shadows are lit day after day and I ask for strength as u call me out sweet Jesus. Thanks Lindsey

DeanneMoore said... Best Blogger Tips

I wrote a blog post last November about my time in the shadow----the darkest one. I was released from a deep, deep well but God sent His Word and healed me. I want you to know that 11 years later, I am restored. I live in the LIght and I am forever grateful. I understand everything you are writing. I am sorry that it is lonely there. I lifting a prayer for you right now. Keep fighting for the Light--He is waiting with open arms.

I came over from Emily's.

Tara_pohlkottepress said... Best Blogger Tips

oh, these shadows. they can be deep and all-consuming. they can make the light all the brighter and sometimes to garish. keep fighting friend. these ebbs and flow make life a tapestry.

Emily Wierenga said... Best Blogger Tips

 And then there are days when I just fall down with exhaustion and anger. "Why does living in peace and joy and grace seem to be so daggone hard?"oh girl, i know this ache. but i think it's the saints that feel it most. at least i've heard it is... because we want so desperately to be close to God, we feel our sinfulness so much more. which is encouraging in a way. bless you as you seek the light. xo

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

Oh what an encouragement to SEE and REMEMBER it that way! Our longing to be like Him, to shed our mortal shells, provokes the sorrow yet ultimately the joy. Thank you, sister! Thank you deeply!

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

Mhmmm...I love to think of life as a tapestry...thank you for that. Truly. Your words bring courage!

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

P.S. Listening to your blog play list as I visit blogs and respond to comments...so delightful and heart-hugging! Thank you for THAT too!

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

Thank you, Deanne! It helps to know that others understand and get your journey because they too have walked in a dark place and come out on the other side. Thank you for your belief, your light, your love here today! SO appreciated!

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