Friday, January 13, 2012

Five Minute Friday {And Then Some}: Awake


I am a night owl.
Always have been.

I was the toddler who crawled into bed with my parents every night until age 4.
I was the little girl reading by flashlight under her covers way past bedtime.
I was the teenager still awake with Mom saying, "It's getting late," and me, "I'll go to bed soon, Mom."
I was the college student with as much energy at 3 am as 9 am {yeah, I REFUSED to take those 7:50 morning classes}

And even now, I find myself always awake in the wee smas of the morning.
But often not by choice.
My body's aches and woes often cause sleepless nights and days where I need to sleep longer than what is deemed "normal."

And the different is hard.
The different hurts when someone says passing words like "sleepy head" or "you still in your pajammas" or "did you just wake up?" should they happen across my path.

And my heart feels pain.
It feels wrong.
I feel messed up.
My heart is awake to the different.
Sensitive to the sorrow.

And then some....

I do not want to be wrong or perceived that way in a world that spins one way.
And yet, I have never been "quite right" based on the definition of "normal."
I am not the average girl-next-door, although I could pass for one on looks alone.

Now my life has changed. This penchant for night and 10 pm alertness seems only tempered by herbal remedies and intentional mental calm and still...

My body fights
My mind rages
Until I give myself grace....
until those words...
on a heart so sensitive to, so moved by, so impacted with every morsel, every bite on her plate.

So this is my choice.
In this moment.
To awaken the spirit inside of me.
To be...ME.
To let...HIM.
Step by step
Inch by inch.
When necessary.

To live my life awake with the potential of WHO I am.
Who YOU are.
Who HE is.

To be fully awake every day, in His plan, in His purpose, in His heart beat.

Linking up with Lisa-Jo @ The Gypsy Mama, sharing my 5 minutes {and then some this week} without a lot of editing of fuss on a topic of her choice. Just enjoying the love of the written word and not worrying about perfection.

If you have never joined in, will today be your day?
Come on. Live Awake in this moment.
Won't you, please just play along with me?


Tara_pohlkottepress said... Best Blogger Tips

this restlessness is something I struggle with too. Beautiful word picture.

Christy said... Best Blogger Tips

This spoke so much to my heart because I tend to be a night owl.  Always have been.  Yet the reasons have changed and some are like yours.   Yet some people say things and at times their words have the power to pierce my heart.

I want to be awake for His purpose.  For Him like my night owl tendencies.  To see Him.  

Beautiful post.

Denise J. Hughes said... Best Blogger Tips

Yep. Can totally relate. I'm a night owl all the way. And I love the way you expressed it here. So right on.

Meredith said... Best Blogger Tips

This is awesome.
For more reasons than I can pinpoint in words.

Praying with you as you embrace your NOW, and trusting with you that HE will meet you, and fill and sustain you.

Genevieve Thul@Turquoise Gates said... Best Blogger Tips

I feel your pain, Lindsey! I feel the same way when someone hears my creaky voice at 11 and assumes I was just asleep...or surprises me in my home at 3, and I am still in my pajamas. It is good to know I am not alone in my shame or my sleepiness!

HilarySherratt said... Best Blogger Tips

You write so beautifully, and so poignantly about this. I'm praying for you, that you would feel His peace and rest and love today. I'm always so glad to visit, Lindsey.

Traci said... Best Blogger Tips

Beautiful.  Love your heart!

Diane Bailey said... Best Blogger Tips

I knew I liked you from the beginning! "I have never been "quite right"based on the definition of normal" 

 Though my sleep habit are different from yours, I know that I like you and we could be friends!

kells said... Best Blogger Tips

aw sister! you are awesome. there is no normal.only boring. so take some trytophan tablets and drink some sleepy time tea and rest and dream. But don't think for a minute that staying in your pjs means anything less than who you really are loved. You are a blessing and you are His friend. blessings!

Amy said... Best Blogger Tips

This really struck a chord with me.  I tend to be a night owl, too, so I could relate. I also have breathing problems during certain times of the year, so there are days when I'm so tired from the effort that I get comments like this and struggle with them, too.  I love how you write about it!  I'm also not quite "normal", but I love being awak in Him 

mamaabby said... Best Blogger Tips

Two weeks in a row I am next to you at five minute friday:} We are kindreds and I heard every soul-filled line as my own...thank you. And how He is always the answer, giving Himself, His Grace--thank you, thank you, for leading me there:}

Pia said... Best Blogger Tips

my first time here.  glad i read kathleen's post about you.  will not be my last for sure.  

Kristi said... Best Blogger Tips

Hey sweet girl! Beautiful words here. You are perfect just the way you are! He has created you just the way you are and I love it!!!

Cara @ WhimsySmitten said... Best Blogger Tips

It's hard to be off kilter the way our bodies sometimes take us.  But remembering, along with you, that He has allowed our change in pace to awaken us to something else, to change the way we see things, perhaps. And what a journey it is, isn't it, to discover who we are in light of Him.

Love to you, dear Lindsey!

Tammy Perlmutter said... Best Blogger Tips

This was great. I totally get your thinking and have felt like that most of my life. I was looking through some of the titles from this particular "word" for Five Minute Friday and many of them were so positive and joyful and exuberant and mine totally wasn't. So it was really refreshing to read yours and know that someone out there is awake too and feeling out of orbit and it's okay. If there's two of us that makes it normal, right?
Here's mine:

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

Thank you, Tara. It certainly is not easy when trying to function in the "normal" world.

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

Oh our tender hearts!  I have to constantly remember to let Him define me and not another's point of view.

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

Oh, thank you, Denise. It is nice to know that I am not alone.

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

Thank you, friend! Been missing your voice are you?

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

Oh, thank you, Genevieve. Thank you. It IS nice to know that we are not alone in this random idiosyncrasy from the rest of the world.

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

Oh, thank you, girl! Your words means so much from such an amazing Writer-Girl as yourself. You are most welcome to visit here always....

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

Thank you, Traci!

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

hahahaha...I love that! Thank you that in your few simple words, you made me feel safe, accepted, "normal" in that abstract-marching-to-the-beat-of-different-drummer kind of way.

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

Oh girl! How I receive your words, your wisdom, your encouragement! Thank you! And yes...wouldn't want to be boring, right?

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

Oh, thank you, Amy! It means so much for me to know that I am not the only one that deals with these issues as well as who feels the sting of the ill-timed words.  May we continue to be awake in Him, even as we live a little opposite from "normal" to the way the world seems to work.

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

Oh, thank you...for your kindness...both this week and last!  A joy to get to join you on this journey together.

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

Would you mind, ever so much, popping back over here and leaving me your website, so I can come and visit you too, please??

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

Thank you, Pia, for coming over! Ms. Kathleen was so kind and gracious with her words! Glad you enjoyed your visit!!

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

Mhmmmm...thank you...soaking in your love-ly words....

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

" awaken us to something else..."

And that is the journey, right?

I love you too, my friend!

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

Yes! It's nice to be "randomly" normal with someone else, eh?

mamaabby said... Best Blogger Tips

Hey! I thought you had my blog url, but here it is:  ...As they say in Hungary, Jo Estet!

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