Monday, January 16, 2012

Joy Dare :: Sorrow Revisited

In the past few years of my life, Sorrow seems to have become akin to my own skin.

Like a regular character in weekly drama, Sorrow maintains its burdensome role, weighing heavily, breathing its mantra into every moment until eventually the rules change, the story lines deepen, and promise & hope bloom all along the margins changing the very landscape of this creative, artistic soul.

And while I, with trepidation, begin to embrace Sorrow's role in my world, I am often still caught off guard when her dominance rules a uninterrupted space of time in my reality.

Like last week, when I found myself past midnight, adorning my aching body with coat and slippers and climbing into my van, shutting the door, blasting the heat, and unabashedly weeping.

I like to call it a cleansing cry.
Some people call it, the "ugly" cry.
Whatever you call it, my soul screamed for it in order to come out of that mournful place.

It took a cry, a drive, some alone time, and even a little Big Bang Theory to draw me into a place of emotional numbness to be able to then face it in a healthy, productive way.

Today, Ann Voskamp's words on anxiety struck me, challenged me in the fallout of that aching...

“'The stability of the world depends on the rejoicing in God’s works…. If on earth, such praise of God does not come to pass… then the whole order of nature will be thrown into confusion…'
~John Calvin~

Our worlds reel unless we rejoice. A song of thanks steadies everything.

The answer to anxiety is the adoration of Christ."

And then I remember...these gifts I am counting. This day-to-day ritual. This disciplinary routine. And so I continue to look, to see, to measure the beauty in the mundane and profound. To choose joy.

28) Grilled caesar dressing
29) Another woman joining The Joy Dare because of a 1000 gifts tweet chat
30) My key lime sparkling water {hits the spot EVERY time}

31) Homemade purses by the Haitian people as a self help program
32) Yummy snacks provided during our 1st foster care training session!!

33) My 14 yr old kitty cozying up in my lap when I come home
34) The pretty lights my sister installed in my bedroom
35) My cozy mattress with the extra foam built in picked out by my love and I when we got married 6+ years ago
36) Waking up next to the love of my life every day
37) The sound my kitties make when they want my attention or just for me to know that they love me
38) The soothing sound of my noise maker that helps me fall asleep
39) The sound of my mother's voice caring for her mother
40) Father giving me space and time when I needed it
41) In the discipline of counting, I find His grace
42) The grace I see in the sacrifices that my parents make with their lives
43) My new yoga pants
44) Ranch pretzels given to Dad to take back to Haiti with him
45) Pizza to share {It's not delivery....}
46) Watching Peni's Noah play and laugh
47) Hearing Noah's 5 month old sis, Molly, laugh as she watches him
48) Seeing my friend walk in her passions & her dream after years of waiting {mom & personal hair studio}


alwaysalleluia said... Best Blogger Tips

beautiful, Lindsey... foster parenting, eh?... what a big, beautiful heart you have... I love the way you are counting it all grace, and cant wait to see how God continues to grow and use you... blessings, sweet sister...

Katie said... Best Blogger Tips

"In the discipline of counting, I find His grace."
So true, Lindsey.  I'm finding it too...

Meredith said... Best Blogger Tips

Every moment.


Meredith said... Best Blogger Tips

Every moment.


Tammy Perlmutter said... Best Blogger Tips

I want to hear more about this relentless sorrow and this aching. Why were you crying? And your foster care training. I was in foster care for 14 years. What's your story? I read your bio, but I want more. I'll get real. I'm writing like a

Tammy Perlmutter said... Best Blogger Tips

I'm sorry for the sorrow. And the pain. And the tears. I'd like to hear more of your story. And about your interest in foster care. I was in the system for 14 years. And it really was the hand of God that I am still here today after the experience. I'll tell ya about it sometime.

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

Thank you, friend! Yeah. It is a new journey...hard, good, crazy, amazing.

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

Yes, friend. Yes.

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

Ah...yes...the choosing....moment by moment...

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

I will reply to your e-mail.

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