30 Days of Hope: Day One

So I have decided to write about HOPE for the next 30 days.

Why? Well, even though, it might sound like "something I would write about" or "who you think I am" or maybe you are just reading just to see if there will be anything to this....HA! But it is something that I have lost--HOPE--and thanks to the inspiration of my pastor, Pastor Charne....I have decided to go on a journey to re-discover it again.

This is a challenge for me personally because every day doesn't always feel like a DAY of HOPE, and this past year has been especially hard to "keep my chin up". So, I will daily share a Scripture, a quote, a song, etc, and then I will share my thoughts, journey, and lessons learned. My first goal is to renew hope in my own heart, but I also hope that it will encourage you and help you on your own journey too, so I will share as openly as I can.

"These things I remember as I pour out my soul: how I used to go with the multitudes, leading the procession to the house of God with shouts of joy and thanksgiving among the festive throng. Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my God." --Psalm 42:4-6

Today when I read this I pictured myself doing those things -- leading worship, leading cells, counseling people, dancing, shouting -- and the picture wasn't a wish. It was a remembrance, a memory...and that has been the sadness that I have found in my heart these past months -- the joys in my life, the person that I love to be, the passion that I was born with -- all these things seemed to be a memory, a part of my past, a place where I had passed through but never would again.

Today after reading this verse, I got some news that threatened to shatter the little flame of hope that had begun to burn in my heart, and while I can't share with you this heart-piercing news just yet, I KNOW that I will.....because I have HOPE that the outcome of what the devil has meant for destruction, for ruin, for discouragement, for despair, my GOD will turn this around.

How can I hope in the face of my greatest dream being threatened? How can I trust when it seems the deepest desire of my natural life is so far out of reach?

While, I don't have that answer for you, I can tell you this.....

I realized this week that I have spent a lot of nights, days, moments, months being angry at God.

"Why did the earthquake happen in Haiti?"

"Why did I come so close to losing the two people who have shaped me most significantly -- my mom and dad?"

"Why does it seems so hard for us to have our own children?"

Why? Why? Why? Why?

"WHY?"-- my favorite word as a child if you ask my parents...:) Then the word was filled with wonder and hope and discovery! These days the same word has been filled with heartbreak and angst and pain.

BUT!

"No one whose hope is in you will ever be put to shame..." --Psalm 25:3

So yet I will praise Him, I will choose Him, I will depend on Him even when my patience, my faith, my heart falters....where else can I go....forever I determine to RUN after HIM!

"Never let go of hope. One day you will see that it has finally come together. What you have always wished for has finally come to be. You will look back and laugh at what has passed and you will ask yourself, 'How did I get through all of that?'"

HOPE!