pulled out search engined a concordance and found a Scripture that really spoke to me.
But then I was stumped???
How do I put into words WHY this Scripture speaks to my personal journey of faith?
Over the past year, my faith walk has been filled with tremendous ups and downs leaving me reeling, replaying, rethinking, and wondering who I am, what my specific purpose is and how the choices I am making & people I am connected(ing) with are shaping my destiny.
Leaving full time ministry, even for just this extended sabbatical period, has been ridiculously scary.
My desire to simply "work with people" and to serve in a full time ministerial capacity has been my heart and in essence, a big part of my identity for the past 10 years. In many ways, even my relationship with God has found itself wrapped up in a life of service, giving, & discipleship.
In the face of all of these changes and questions, some recurring themes have consistently emerged.
I realized that in an effort to be "obedient" and in striving to "lay my life down," I sacrificed part of ME, part of my very nature.
My mom has often said to me, "Lindsey, be true to yourself and to the Lord. At the end of the day that is all the Lord asks of you."
Somewhere along the way, "doing the right thing," "following God's plan for my life," and "being true to what HE made me" got mixed up. Striving to find HIS plan/purpose in ME and through ME define this phase of my journey in the simplest way.
And yet, I am not simple. Far from it, in fact.
I don't think I ever was.
Even as a little girl. Just ask my mom.
One thing that marked my childhood was....
....a sense of hopefulness
....the wonder of a dreamer
....a daily life filled with excitement
....an attitude joyfulness in life...especially in the little things
So I don't understand all of the whys, the whats, or the hows of the 30-something years thus far, but I do know that as I muddle through the complexities of this world and my own weaknesses, I desire to do so with the heart, the faith, the wonder of a child.