Sunday, November 6, 2011

I am a Writer

My life was on a one-way track, moving forward and upward with every decision, promotion, decision, and goal.

Graduate from an accredited high school with honors.

Get into great Christian university.

Be involved in activities, clubs, groups, leadership AND try to graduate with honors from college.

Travel the U.S. and as many countries as possible.

Find a job out of college that I love, working in full-time ministry.

Keep growing in ministry potential & leadership positions.

Get married {okay, so this one took awhile...but eventually....}

Move into ministry & leadership opportunities as a couple.

My life was good.

I loved working with & ministering to people, traveling the world, living the dream with my best friend & love of my life. Granted, I thought I would get married a "bit" younger, but nonetheless, I grew tremendously on my own and with God in amazing ways as a single woman, so I felt that God had prepared me for where He was taking us as a couple.

Yeah, life was good.
I mean, heck, life was pretty, crazy fabulous.

And then, something happened.

I struggle to truly pinpoint a day
A moment in time
A specific instance
where I can say, "That was it. That was where everything changed."

In many ways, it seemed like I woke up one day, and thought,

What's happening to me?
Where am I?
Why is my life not what I dreamed or wanted it to be?
What would that romantic dreamer of a girl,
growing up on the sunny isle of Hispaniola
say if she could have taken a peek into this season of her life?
How did I end up here?

And so, true to the psychologist in my brain, I analyzed.

Living away from family and friends in a country where you were not raised is hard.

Struggling to conceive for over three years would disappoint even the strongest of hearts.

Battling with unknown chronic pain for the majority of the duration of living on said foreign soil until present day looms on the verge of impossible.

And then of course the day the bottom fell out....

Finding out that my island home was ravaged by a 7.0 magnitude earthquake, and being cut off from all communication with my heroes -- my parents -- not knowing if they were dead or alive competed with Titanic-level catastrophe in this mortal body.

And I was undone.
I felt finished.
I think I thought I would die.
And some days, I wished I would.

It's been a long road from that space in time, and yet if I could tell you now, a reason, a purpose, a why, or a how I got to that place, it would not be any of the heartbreaks or tragedies that I mentioned.

The reason that I found myself out of alignment with my dreams was because I silenced the dreamer, the artist, the creative force inside of my mind and heart, screaming for a voice.


In one fail swoop.
Naively, even.
On the altar of the practical, the agenda, the purpose, the destiny.

So, in the midst of the greatest pain that my soul had ever known,
a writer emerged.

Filled with trepidation,
but a writer nonetheless.

And from the ashes, Jesus has been making something beautiful.

And so I write.
Because I must.
Because it healed me.
Because it set me free.
Because the dreamer has to dream.
Because the artist must create.
Because I was born for this.

I am a writer.

Life: Unmasked


Christina Gilliland said... Best Blogger Tips

There are no words, friend...This is utterly beautiful! I'm so glad you continue to write! because it is beautiful to watch your art unfold :) I count it a privelage to have met you even for this short time...

Girl Set Free said... Best Blogger Tips

This was beautiful.  I loved it. I can relate, like I think many writers can ... that it is, in the writing that I am set free ... I start out with chaos and somehow in the end, I find some truth that He had for me.  I can't wait to read more!  Thank you!

Lenae said... Best Blogger Tips

I think I mentioned it at Relevant, but I can relate so much with silencing the inner creative heart.  I was a practical teenager and young adult too... and like you, now that I've reclaimed that part of myself, I've realized what a necessity it is to me being wholly who He made me to be.  This was gorgeous and inspiring -- gave me chills! 

Sarah Dawneé said... Best Blogger Tips

Oh, Lindsey! In many ways I can totally identify with this!

My life has been turned upside down by my health issues the best two years. And honestly, after a major crash of my health at the start of this year. I shut up the dreamer too. The past couple of months, He has been helping me dream again. It started very slow and timid, but I'm learning to dream again. I didn't realize it, but it wasn't good to starve the dreamer, it was in fact very bad. But, He hasn't given up on me. He is helping dream and to not be so focused on the things that I can't do or the old dreams, but instead to trust Him as He helps me dream again.

I've been planning to write about it on my blog, and tonight was even greater inspiration to do so.

Thank you for sharing your heart! Keep writing. Keep on writing you writer you! =)

Anna Carpenter said... Best Blogger Tips

This reminds me of being at ropes course and hearing over and over: Do it afraid. Well, you have nothing to be afraid of. Your words are beautiful.

Kmelissasmallwood said... Best Blogger Tips

LOVE THIS!  I started my blog in a time of great pain and confusion.  Sharing my story through the written word has developed into a love letter between me and story, His glory.  I look forward to reading more of yours!

Jennifer Camp said... Best Blogger Tips

Lindsey, This is amazing, stunning, beautiful.  I say 'yes' to Him, with you, with all that He has for us, with all that true identity that He longs for us to claim! Yes, you write, girl!  I stand with you!  Much love to you, and so grateful for you, Jennifer

KathleenBasi said... Best Blogger Tips

I went through 3 years of infertility, so I know exactly how much the experience changes everything. Your story is amazing. God must have big plans for you!

Stacey29lincoln said... Best Blogger Tips

I for one am blessed that in the midst of your most difficult days, you allowed God to draw out of you, the writer.  And that you point us to Him with our words!

Beautiful Lindsey!

Thank you for sharing this with us!

Galit Breen said... Best Blogger Tips

This? I fabulous.

You told your tale, your story, your heart in prose.

I'm glad that you're getting all of that out- you're so worth it.

Carrie said... Best Blogger Tips

You are a beautiful writer, I have been struggling to find the dreamer inside me too - you got me thinking if maybe I simply shut her out too...thanks for the nice post and sharing a bit of your story!

CJ said... Best Blogger Tips

Beautiful!  What an amazing life story you have!

Brittany@faithinbetween said... Best Blogger Tips

This is absolutely beautiful!

Kamille said... Best Blogger Tips

Lindsey--your words are so beautiful, truly beautiful.  Your words & story confirm in me the need for us to connect via skype or phone.  I relate to this inner voice being shut off, only to rediscover it after much despair, anxiety & loneliness.  I think our person needs creativity in the midst of the storm to find that peace.  It looks like you have found yours & I'm so glad with you.

Cara @ WhimsySmitten said... Best Blogger Tips

A writer indeed, sweet Lindsey. 

Jen said... Best Blogger Tips

Amen!  You are a writer!  I love...because the artist must create.

Beverly Brumbley said... Best Blogger Tips

Proud to child, the writer!  Keep writing, Lindsey.  You inspire so many, including your mom, every day with your honesty, integrity, and purity of heart's emotions.  

Meredith said... Best Blogger Tips

Oh my goodness... this was absolutely astounding. Truly amazing.

Katie Orr said... Best Blogger Tips

This is beautiful. Thank you for sharing a bit of your story, your struggle, your heart.

(and thanks for linking up!) SO glad we got to meet and chat a bit at Relevant!

Melissa said... Best Blogger Tips

So beautiful. 

I too came to writing secondary after chasing what I thought was my dream and being in a dark and painful place. It has taken a long time to accept and understand the internal need to let the creative spirit fly. 

Shelly said... Best Blogger Tips

Didn't even know I wanted to be a writer until I was hired to be one.  Now I write from passion not paycheck and I am so thankful because it takes me to a place nearer to God and provides a platform for redemptions.  Enjoy your blog, the way you share a bit of your journey and how it creates a beautiful picture of God's heart!

hyacynth said... Best Blogger Tips

Yes, you are. He created you to create. And create we must when we were born into the creative spirit. This was lovely. Plainly, simply, profoundly, too, lovely.

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

Yes. It is so funny how it took such personal devastation for me to realize the creative spirit dying inside of me. I am thankful that God resuscitated my heart and breathed NEW life into it again! And that He took me on a journey to "make thunder" with other creative spirits, like you, my friend!!

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

Wow! So interesting that you took a writing job and weren't even sure if that is what you wanted to do. I love how God leads us down paths because He knows us better than we do ourselves. I  think the way that you describe writing is beautiful -- "nearer to God and provide a platform for redemption." Loving Him, loving precious!

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

I SO get that! It's so funny how sometimes we run after something we THINK we want and God ends up turning our chase into the direction that He always had planned for us.

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

Me too! I love this "way" that you have about you! So passionate, so full of heart and's so compelling!!

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

Thank you so much, Meredith. So glad you were encouraged! And I appreciate you stopping by!

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

Thank you, Mom. Did you think I would ever accept it?? hahahahaa And what a beautiful compliment that you give to me! It means a lot!

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

Thank you so much, friend. Thank you, so very much.

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

Oh, how I love rubbing shoulders with you, my dear wordsmith!!

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

YES! on all the points that you made...we NEED to talk! I am always up late EST so don't know what your evening schedule is like post girly-bedtime...let me know...we'll tweet! ;-)

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

Thank you, are you! Love getting to know you just a little bit through our blogs.

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

Wow! Thank you, CJ!

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

Oh, Carrie! I hope that you will find that dreamer-girl in you again! Connecting with her makes one come alive....when we were created with that desire to make art...we will never be satisfied with any other way of living!

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

Awww...thanks! I appreciate that!!

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

Oh, thank you, Stacy! That means so much...I do want my words to connect people to Him!  I am glad you and Katie started this beautiful writing journey that we can all be a part of.

Aubrey Barela said... Best Blogger Tips

wow. so beautiful. thank you for your honesty in the midst of a very real hard time. I love what you shared.

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

Thank you so much....encouraging words mean the world to me!

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

Oh, Kathleen! I am sorry I am only not responding here...but I still just wanted to tell you how much it means when people share that they have faced infertility because then I know that I am not alone.  Thank you for your words of encouragement!!

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

My friend! You are a constant source of encouragement to me!! Always!

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

Yes...set your name powerful and encouraging!

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

I am so glad you did, and so glad that we are friends!!  You bless me just by being YOU!

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

So did you write about this? I would really like to read it...and if you are willing to share about your health issues as well...could we share together?

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

Do it afraid. 

Oh isn't that like a resounding mantra in our heads!!

Thank you, friend.

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

Oooo...I like that....a love letter between me and story, His glory. Girl, that is breath-taking!!

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

Yes! Yes! Yes! I love the agreement you share with me! And I, too, am grateful for you!!

Sarah Dawneé said... Best Blogger Tips


Yes, I actually did. Here is a link:
Thank you for asking.

Thank you for being so carrying and considerate. I'll give you a link to the (warning: very long) post I wrote about my health issues last May.

Thankfully, I've been improving a lot lately, but that if you would like to read it that gives better understanding. I'd be happy to answer any questions you have via the email on my contact me page. And, I would be very glad to share together too.

Keep writing, Lindsey!

J Murray said... Best Blogger Tips

I enjoy your writing so much you have no idea,,,all so real and from your heart   i really love reading them  thank you

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

Wow! Thank you. Your words are so kind and mean a lot to me. Do you have a blog?

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