Thursday, December 1, 2011

My Hope for Christmas

Christmas is my absolute favorite time of the year.

Picking out the "perfect" tree

Decorating with years of collectible and handmade ornaments

Sitting by the fire watching "It's a Wonderful Life"

Spending time with those I love

It's special.
It's wonder-filled.
It's absolutely magical.

But last year something changed.

Something about the magic was gone.
Something inside of me seemed dead.
Maybe even forever.

I was broken.
And Christmas seemed to have lost the wonder.

How do you keep seeing through the eyes of a child when you are waiting and waiting and waiting to look into the eyes of your own child?

How do you go through "one more Christmas" without that suckling babe to hold, without hearing that little voice say, "Momma" for the first time, without experiencing the wonder of the next generation in the eyes of your own parents?

And a week before Christmas, out shopping with my mom, I broke.
I sat in the car, poured out my soul, and we cried together.
It wasn't pretty.
It wasn't redemptive.
I couldn't wrap up our conversation into a neat little package with Lesson Well Learned.
It just sucked.....BIG TIME.

And now I find myself a year later...
Still waiting,
Still hoping,
Still dreaming
Of those tiny little hands and feet that will grow our happy couple into a family.

And while much has changed from last year -- renewed hope, restored purpose, rediscovered joy -- I am honestly scared.

What if I lose it again?
What if I cannot hold the longings at bay?
What if I forget his promises in the midst of my own deferred dreams?
What if....??

So my hope for Christmas this year is that where I am weak, He would be strong.
When I am faithless, He would show Himself faithful.
When my eyes are upon ME, He will remind me to look to HIM.

My hope is that I will love others beyond my capacity to give.
My hope is that I can look beyond the surface to the heart of the needs around me.
My hope is that I will rise above my earthly limitations to see THE HOPE for the world
My hope is that my life will radiate that HOPE, even in the midst of the wandering wilderness.

This is my heart cry.
This is my prayer.
This is....
My Hope

Joining with The Faith Barista community this month in Unwrapping Jesus. This week
"My Hope for Christmas this Year."



with Emily at Canvas Child sharing my imperfect prose this week


Nancy Franson said... Best Blogger Tips

Oh, girl. I know that heart cry. I know those tears. All I can say is, "Thank God he created us with the capacity to cry those tears." And, "He is good."

Annie | said... Best Blogger Tips

I learn so much from your honesty, Lindsey.  Thank you, friend.

Uncle Ranny said... Best Blogger Tips


After reading this it reminds of the honest person that you are and the awesome godly woman, daughter, sister, niece and wife that you are. I know as well as the Lord does that you ARE going to be an awesome mother and Arno WILL be an awesone father. I am going to take time every day to specifically pray for this child that God has for you and Arno to come forth in God's time. As usual, great post in your blog. Love you both!!

Meredith said... Best Blogger Tips

Oh honey...
I am so thankful for the restored joy.
And I will be praying that you will keep it lit, nurturing that flame of joy and life all season long.

That even in the moments of longing, that the flame of joy would still burn bright.

Sabrinaj98 said... Best Blogger Tips

I admire your open, real honesty in this post.  If you lose "it" again, He will help you find "it".  But not just any "it"--the perfect "it".  Something that's tailor-made, handcrafted, God-molded one size for one person only.

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

Hmmm...what a powerful way to put it -- that he created us with the capacity to cry those tears -- giving us the freedom to be able to find a release...He IS good!

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

Thank you, my sweet encourage me!

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

Thank you, Uncle Ranny!! I really appreciate your heart and your support!

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

Thank you, Meredith! I appreciate the specific prayers!!

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

God IS good like that! I love the way you put that...and it makes me even more excited to look for His daily "tailor-made" grace just for ME!

Donna said... Best Blogger Tips

Hi Lindsay, came over from Lisa-Jo's 5 minute post :)  I don't know how to say this exactly... so I'll just say it.  Those things you're hoping for in the new year, those are things mothers need in abundance! 
You're having a very long advent, this time of waiting for your heart's desires, for the promises of God to be fulfilled in your life.  I've been thinking lately about how in one sense, the whole world is in a season of advent, waiting and groaning for the return of the King...

Emily Wierenga said... Best Blogger Tips

oh friend, i understand this... i pray this year is everything you hope for :) love e.

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

Thank you, Donna, for your words of wisdom!

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

Thank you much, Emily...for your words and your understanding!

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