The Gong Story {Guest Post :: Paige}

We are halfway through February, and almost halfway through this Relentless Love series. I hope you enjoying meeting some of my favorite blogger friends as much as I am enjoying sharing their words and hearts with you! It is exciting to see the faithfulness of the Father across miles and personalities, right?

Okay, so before I go on and on, let me introduce you to my next friend, Paige. Paige and I also attended and graduated from Oral Roberts University together. We were in spiritual leadership on campus and got to spend lots of time learning and growing together in those formative years. It was pretty amazing...seriously. We learned A TON! Paige is a training/missions pastor in Lubbock, Texas where she disciples leaders, plans mission trips, and loves on people every day. The thing that has always stood out most about Paige is her amazing smile, which is only undone by her incredibly kind heart. She truly shows love in who she is and how she sees the world. Paige married her college sweetheart, Josh and together they are raising sweet Selah and a soon-to-arrive-new-little-girl. Paige loves reading, running, traveling, loving people, and writing at her personal blog, Become Paige, where you will learn more about her life journey through ministry, mommyhood, missions and other musings & mayhem.

The Gong Story

“You are a GONG in my life.”

There it was. The truth hung in the air thick just waiting for my response to burst this bubble of criticism and brutal honesty. As I stared back at her I couldn’t register what she had just said to me. We had been meeting for almost a month now – getting together once a week to discuss theology and the Bible.

She came to me after I spoke at a college retreat she attended bursting with excitement and a plethora of questions. She stepped out boldly asking if the speaker that she admired might have a few minutes to shed some light about things like women in ministry, the gifts of the Spirit, and my own spiritual journey.

I quickly agreed to meet and we dove right into the juicy topics – I wanted her to see Scripture in a new light and was excited as light bulbs seemed to be illuminated in her mind. She disagreed with a lot of what I said, but it seemed that she enjoyed the debate – a ping pong match of who knew the Bible better with the occasional curve ball thrown in by yours truly. I saw so much promise in her – she was strong and smart and passionate – I saw a bit of myself in her eyes, and if I’m honest I was determined to get her to see through my lenses.

But here we were a month into our weekly meetings and she sat across from me – arms crossed, eyes hardened stating a sentence that will remain with me forever.

“You know that Scripture in 1 Corinthians that talks about love? It says, ‘Though I speak with the tongues of angels and men but have not love I am nothing more than a gong or clanging cymbals?’ Well, you may have all the right answers, but you are nothing more than a gong in my life. I don’t feel like you love me at all. You just want to cram your theological answers down my throat.”

And there I sat…stunned!

With defenses raised like a sharp fortress I concluded our meeting saying I needed to think about what she boldly proclaimed, and as she left I sat in silence, mouth agape…wondering if it was true.

This was ridiculous, right? Right???

And in the quiet I heard Him gently but clearly say it was true. I was a gong, and a loud one at that. I had asked her little about her life – what she liked, what she was studying, what she loved about her family, if there was a boy she liked – I came to each meeting armed with Scriptures and plans to make her…like me.

Not even like Him if I was honest (as if that were possible anyways through my gong methods)…but in the quiet and in the truth – that was the hardest thing to realize of all.

My real agenda was not even to disciple her, but to make her more like me – and she saw straight through it. Who wants to be like a gong?

I whispered, “How? How had I gotten here?”

And then I heard Him again – because you are empty…and I knew what He meant. I was empty of true love and anything resembling His true nature because it had been a long time since I had even brushed up close to He who is love.

It was a dark and dry season of my life in which I was just trying to keep a roof over our heads – my husband’s business had collapsed and I was the sole provider…he was in a depression…and I was tired of waiting…of trusting…of hoping…of leaning into Him. And so I went on auto-pilot (after all, I knew the right answers and was faking this thing called ministry pretty well – until I obviously wasn’t – I had just been called a gong!)

And it was then with face to the ground, tears and fear flowing from my heart that I knew one thing – I am loved. Even if I can’t show love – I am loved.

“And that is where you start,” I heard Him nudge. Stop plowing forward and allow yourself to breathe in my love. Until you do you will only breathe out the sound of a gong…but as you breathe in my love – breathe it in deep, then you can begin to speak the language of love that once flowed freely from your lips.

And I realized… I will never be able to truly love in my own strength, but I can know love. I can know Him and as I do, love can flow through me.

I wish I could tell you my story ended with her perfectly…and although I sat before her the next week tears streaming down my repentant face, I’m sure there were moments that I was still a gong in her life. But I laid down my Bible and my agenda and just asked her if we could be friends.

And more importantly, I laid down my agenda with Him as well. I stopped trying to fix my situation and leaned into His love. Nothing magically changed overnight…but slowly she and I learned to speak a language not of gongs and cymbals but of laughter and listening and love…and slowly – STILL slowly – I am learning to communicate with the One who knows my heart best.

I breathe in His love, His delight in me, His gentle rebukes, His direction, and His voice…and although the echoes of the gong still reverberate from time to time…it’s clear now that it is a hollow sound from an empty vessel, and there is only one remedy – His love.

*dry ground pic

This month I have asked some of my fellow bloggers to join me here at The Little Missionary Girl All Grown Up to share how they have seen the Relentless Love of the Father in their lives in moments of brokenness, heartache, and valley-of-shadow moments. This post is the 6th in the series of that exploration into the passion of the Father for us

across miles, across personalities, across hearts that are His.

To read more of the posts, click here and here.