Monday, March 12, 2012

Can I Truly Love?

"You can give without loving,
but you cannot love without giving."
~Amy Carmichael~

These words ping pong off the recesses of my heart and soul. In spite of years of full time ministry and loving people of all ages with the various hats we wore, the challenge to love for me LOOMS larger than life in this season more than ever.

Daily, my desire to throw in the towel before TRULY even embarking on this foster care/adoption journey screams in my mind, and I ask myself that question, "How do I know I will...or the child they give me to care for or even to take in as my own?" Because while I realize that there are cases where, even with adoption, it just does not click for everyone, my heart breaks to think that could be us -- the ones rejecting or maybe the ones being rejected. The reasons are numerous and valid as to why or how this could happen, and I have no desire to add to that statistic.

People talk about taking a risk, leaping in faith when you are falling in love. "Take a chance on love" is a mantra I have heard more than once. Little did I realize that walking down the road of having my heart broken romantically would guide and prepare me to embark on this new adventure of loving the least of these.

And while I will probably continue to ask myself if I am TRULY cut out for this every day for the rest of my life, my real question is do I have the capacity to love like this if I am not loved in return, if they choose to leave and walk away, if they blame us for their sorrows, if..if...if...???

And I know the answer....

A resounding NO.

I cannot love like this.

It is a great impossibility.
I do not have the capacity for this impossible kind of love.

Not on my own anyway....

I can only surrender.
My life into His hands
Trusting His heart
To love through mine, in mine, in spite of mine
Believing that somehow, someway, He will make a way through the tumultuous storms -- past, present, and future.

So I suppose the even deeper question is, "Am I ready to give of myself, of my heart, my time, my energies?" because " cannot love without giving," right?

And quite honestly, I do not know. Those answers are not yet clear to me today.

I put my hope in Him...

God has chosen to make known....this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory.
I Corinthians 1:27

...that the Christ IN me may shine His glory, His hope to the world around in the way He sees fit.

{Heaven, help me!}

Thank you for your continued prayers as we walk out
our faith with fear and trembling in these life-changing decisions....

The Joy Dare
1000 gifts in 2012

196) A job where I get MAJOR discounts on all things skin and beauty
197) Though my body felt a bit "broken" by the end of it, I actually enjoyed my 12 hour work day.
198) That precious little one and her little one who came across our path
199) Yummy ham steak {I forgot how easy it was to cook!}
200) How quickly the cheese melts onto the broccoli...mhmm...perfect!
201) Her words, straight & true to the heart, "I think you guys will make awesome parents."
202) My thoughts of His plans & His love {ring LOUDLY in my heart}
203) "It's A Boy!" -- My bff's text after she found out her "girl" was really a BOY!
204) Talking to my pal, Annie -- 2 extroverts at play! ;-)
205) Time with my love, just being together, watching our current favorite TV show reruns
206) Time to read and catch up with commenters
207) Space to share my dreams and fears online
208) His reminder of how beautiful love is when He writes your story
209) His never ending patience with me
211) The quote by Hugh Macleod about crayons and creativity
212) "You can give without loving, but you cannot love with giving." ~Amy Carmichael {inspired this post today}
213) Emily W's hard yet encouraging words on foster care

Won't you join me? Take The Joy Dare!
Here is a list of ideas to daily help you to SEE in the midst of the busy days...

You're Already Amazing


Tammy Perlmutter said... Best Blogger Tips

We started that process two years ago before we had to move. We still pray about it. I grew up in foster care, from 4-18. It was mostly hell. I prayed for parents like you. You would be amazing and your heart would bring them so much healing.

Tammy Perlmutter said... Best Blogger Tips

 We started that process two years before we had to move. We're
still praying about it. I grew up in foster care, 4 different homes,
from 4-18. It was mostly hell. I prayed for parents like you guys! I've
always wanted to make a home for a kid like me someday. You would be
amazing and you would bring a lot of healing to that little heart!

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