This is my mission.
GO.
I am scared.
Scared to share this week, this crack in my armor, this season of my story.
Oh, yes! I write here, but I filter that story. I write when I HAVE learned the lessons {mostly}. Yet, to share when I have nothing revolutionary to share, to open up when my words are not beautiful and precious and thought-provoking and life-changing......
This scares me.
"I am cerebral," I say to the man who holds my heart these 5 years now.
He chuckles at me, not to mock or to malign my heart, but because he knows that I MEAN every word and my word choices ALWAYS amuse him. And yet, he knows....he gets me. He SEES me and I feel safe.
Yet, if I let others {you} in, what will the reaction be? Will there be the side-long glances full of "I-know-better-than-you-but-I-won't-tell-you-because-you-wouldn't-listen-anyway? Or will there be grace?
STOP.
AND THEN SOME.....
That smooth-flowing, heart-healing, soul-renewing grace that says, "I know you are hurting. I can see your pain. I may not understand it all, but I will love you in spite of my understanding. I will look inside of you and remind you of who you are even when you forget. I will reach into your heart and life even when you seem to close the door. I will not be afraid because I know the ONE who loves you best and I will remind you of that. I will just BE there to hold your hand or to hug your neck or to pray His words over you."
So I am scared. And yet, today, I still write. Heart-pounding. Chest-thumping. Anxiety-driven.
Am I safe? Are these words that say nothing and EVERYTHING, are they safe in your hands, your screens, your hearts, your thoughts?
Can I be imperfect and flawed....and this is really.......OKAY?
{sigh}
{breathe}
I pause in this story. I re-read my words. I wonder at their impact. I grieve in this veiled honesty.
And then I am reminded by the ONE who truly loves me best and longest and eternally.....
YOU ARE REDEEMED!!
Rest.
(I want to edit this so desperately....to explain....to qualify....to quantify.....but I will not! I am giving this to faithful hands to sift the chaff and keep the grain....)
{What is your story this week? What are some fears
-- transparent or veiled --
that have overwhelmed you this week?}
In His Grip,
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