Friday, March 2, 2012

Five Minute Friday {And Then Some}: Ache

Everything's changed.
Nothing is the same anymore.
And you would think that with all 33 years of me, that wouldn't be a surprise...

Yet...it is.

Relationships have changed...distanced....some family...some friends, and I find myself at a loss of what to do or say anymore.

I used to blame myself -- this cursed, silent, invisible illness that plagues my days and my nights preventing me from living "normal" in the world. I used to blame that drastic earthquake that not only shook building but also me -- right to the core. I blamed that lonely place of infertility where people fear to tread and eventually walk away. I blamed my inner battle to allow people into these struggles and my blessed pride that pushed people away.

I blamed everyone. I blamed God.
And now ... I just do not know anymore.
Placing blame isn't really fair and it changes nothing

And yet....that ache...that miserable ache won't go, won't stay away.
That longing for what "used" to be, even if just in "feeling."

I am tired of the trying, tired of the questions, tired of the wondering, tired of all the whys, tired of the try-hards and the do-betters.

I cannot.
And maybe THAT is just the point.
This strong little fighter girl in me who just does not want to quit, who never says die, who will not yield or surrender, must learn to trust in Him who takes all the aches and wipes every tear from our eyes.



Give all your worries and cares to God,
for he cares about you.
I Peter 5:7


In the day of my trouble I will call upon You,
For You will answer me.
Psalm 86:7

I couldn't help thinking of this song that I learned as a little girl, "I Cast All My Cares," so I looked it up and found the version with Psalty the Singing Song book that I used to listen to, and it brought tears to my hear it and remember His faithfulness to me my whole life and how as an adult I try to solve things for myself. I hope this "kids' song" will encourage you like it does me.

If you cannot see this video, click here.





37 comments:

Annie | annieathome.com said... Best Blogger Tips

Psalty?!?! You, friend. Are kindred to the core!



Your post was so moving, Lindsey. Thank you for your vulnerable heart here. 

Michele-Lyn Ault said... Best Blogger Tips

I came over from The Gypsy Mama and so glad I did... (we are link-up neighbors)

 Your honesty is a beautiful thing.... Your heart, so real and tender... thanks for this... 

Eva said... Best Blogger Tips

“ … learn
to trust in Him who takes all the aches and wipes every tear from our eyes.”


Your words
come to me as an answer to my post!


Holding
your ache close to my heart today, thinking and praying,


Eva

Meredith said... Best Blogger Tips

*hugs*
Thank you for trusting us with your heart.

#love

alwaysalleluia said... Best Blogger Tips

I feel the ache in your words, Lindsey. What aheart you have, and how difficult it is to understand the changes that come sometimes.

"This strong little fighter girl in me who just does not want to quit, who never says die, who will not yield or surrender, must learn to trust in Him who takes all the aches and wipes every tear from our eyes."
You said it. This IS it. Yeild, surrender, and let Him fill the spaces left from what used to be.... praying for you!!XO

Julie Wilson said... Best Blogger Tips

Love the verses... and the song! Great reminder!

Alisonkinlaw said... Best Blogger Tips

I had almost forgotten...   After Judah died, I would have anxiety, trouble breathing... near anxiety attacks when I tried to sleep.  And this is the song I would sing.  Over and over again.  I love it's simplicity.  It's funny how I always seem to go back to those simple choruses during the really hard times in life.  Love this post.  (And I love that you found Psalty's version... He was my favorite as a kid.)  Love you!

Charissa Steyn said... Best Blogger Tips

your honesty is beautiful and healing to many!

Amy Lee Ellis said... Best Blogger Tips

((hugs)) I can just feel the ache in this.  And I tend to have that fighter spirit, too, so I can't help aching a little as I think about how hard it can be to turn all over to God sometimes!

thegypsymama said... Best Blogger Tips

Oh Lindsey, you need to come and visit me! I'll feed you tea and sweet melktert and we can just talk about our aches in person. Truly - don't you wanna come over one of these Fridays?

Denise J. Hughes said... Best Blogger Tips

Your words are tender, beautiful, and vulnerable. Please know that they don't fall on hurried ears. Your words matter. Your hurt matters. And I'm praying. For you. And I wish we could somehow meet for tea, so we could share stories. ~ HUGS

Diane Bailey said... Best Blogger Tips

Wish I could hug you.  You are a precious woman of God and a blessing to this world!  I hear your pain.  There is no pain that He will not use for something wonderful.

Kmaclear said... Best Blogger Tips

I also had that tape! We did the play in sunday school. So many memories that song brought back! I am sorry your are aching :( Chris and I pray for you every night... you are so right..surrendering is the most difficult thing to do... and it does have sweet rewards. Can I get to the sweet rewards part now? ;) My bane is patience... and I don't really like learning about it because it means I have to be patient. 

StefanieYoungBrown said... Best Blogger Tips

I love what you said here: "And maybe THAT is just the point.
This strong little fighter girl in
me who just does not want to quit, who never says die, who will not
yield or surrender, must learn to trust in Him who takes all the aches
and wipes every tear from our eyes."
Once again your transparent heart has connected with mine!
Thank you, sweet friend...

Ms. Kathleen said... Best Blogger Tips

Straight from the heart ... beautiful and that is where the healing begins. HUGS!

Aurie Good said... Best Blogger Tips

Simply lovely and beautiful - and I haven't thought about Psalty in a LONG time!! Thanks for bringing back some fun memories :)

Jen said... Best Blogger Tips

I love that last part you said about trust. I don't pretend to know or understand the ache you've been dealt. All I know is that all we can do in those moments is lean in to Him and trust. Blessings to you, my friend!

Hollygreen504 said... Best Blogger Tips

I know exactly how you feel. I fight to not feel this way. Pray about it.

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

Thank you, Char! That means a lot!

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

Thanks for saying so, Holly. While I hate that you feel this aching too, it is nice to know I am not alone.  How are you on this Monday?

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

Thank you, friend! You are SUCH an encouragement to me. I appreciate your friendship so much!

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

Oh, Psalty! I SO loved him as a kid...and now too, I guess! Thank you!

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

Ms. Kathleen...where the healing begins...so important...thank you for the hugs!

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

Thank you, Stef! It means so much to know I am not alone, especially from one who's heart is so sincere like yours.

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

My forever friend, Kendra! Thank you for understanding in such a REAL way and for how you and Chris pray for us...that means so much! I love you!

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

Oh, Diane! Your words go right into the deepest part of my soul. Thank you!

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

Oh when you said "Please know that they don't fall on hurried ears..." that just went to the heart of me. Thank you for those heartfelt sweet words. That means so much.

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

Oh how I do! I do! I do! I have been thinking about it for awhile since I am "so close" but didn't want to pop in uninvited. So one of these days...we will make a plan and have a lovely visit! I can't wait!

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

I appreciate your words here, letting me know that I am not alone. It is amazing at His faithfulness and that He doesn't get tired of us even though we let our pride get in the way. Thank you for your honesty in return.

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

Oh, Amy! It is isn't it? The fighter girl in us is our strength as well as the bane of our existence. Thank God for grace.....

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

Such a good point...how we go back to the simple things in the really hard times...songs, verses, principles of faith, and more....

Thanks, friend! I love Psalty too...also one of my favs!

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

Thank you, Julie! He is faithful!

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

Thank you, Kris! I truly appreciate your wise heart! You are precious!

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

Thank YOU for being one I can trust! *HUGS* back to you!

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

Thank you, Eva, for your response to my heartbeat. It means a lot!

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

Thank you, Michele. I am glad we were connected via FMF. Your words are seriously touching...thank you again.

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

"Kindred to the core" -- I like that!

Thank you for your unending support! It means the world!

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