Bachelorette, Masters, & Firsts {Multitude Monday #231-245}

For the 2nd week in a row, life has been a whirlwind, but in a good way.

My parents flew in from Haiti for a week...

My girlfriends and I partied celebrating another bride-to-be pal...

We picked strawberries as a family for the FIRST TIME. Can you believe it? Yeah, no strawberry fields in Haiti!....

My sister, after MUCH hard work, achieved & received her Masters degree...

My 22-year-old cousin's little girl's 1st birthday....and 1st taste of cake!

I think she liked it! ;)

Adding some more of my gifts this week....

Gratitude - a feeling of thankfulness or appreciation, as for gifts or favours;

the state of feeling grateful

#231-245

~Hugging my dad with my sister at the same time {had been 5 months since we had seen him}
~Laughing with girlfriends whom I have known for many years

~Talking married stuff with memories of when we were ALL single together

~Laughing with my mom over Diet Pepsi exploding in the freezer

~Beautiful strawberry fields

~The taste of fresh strawberries

~Watching the sun set over the fields

~Spending time with family doing simple things

~Loving on my goddaughter all day, taking her places with me

~Celebrating my sister's hard work

~Hanging out with old friends in town for the graduation

~Sharing yummy new desserts with my sis & cuz

~Having fun at a 1-year-old birthday

~Watching her taste cake for the first time
~Receiving prayer and encouragement from a sister in the faith

I have joined The Gratitude Community -- a place to be inspired by others and what God is doing in their lives, a chance to share my own journey of gratitude, and an opportunity to REMEMBER to be grateful in ALL things. So on Mondays, I will add to my list of 1000 gifts of all the graces God has provided in my life. Would you consider joining me? Even if you don't blog, you can join the gratitude community by starting a gratitude journal, mentionning your gifts on Facebook, or sending e-mails to your friends. Let's work together to help in creating a more thankful, joyous world!!

Five Minute Friday: When Seasons Change

I was so surprised when I pulled up The Gypsy Mama's blog today to check out the Five Minute Friday prompt, and I saw that the topic that I had suggested late last night in Lisa-Jo's Twitter shout out was used as this week's topic.

Yay! How cool!

Since I spent the day with my family watching my sister receive her Master's degree and babysitting my goddaughter, I only logged on a few minutes ago, and I TRULY only have 5 minutes since we are continuing the festivities tonight.

So here are my five minutes.....

When Seasons Change

GO.

It's funny how the seasons changing on the outside seem to speak so much to the inside...

Of WHO you are

To the core of your being.

Or is that just me?

Maybe seasons changing means more to me now that I am in my thirties or more to me after a Year of Winter, or more to me as I see my parents & grandparents age.

What I do know is that as the seasons change, I find myself savoring the moments more and more and more.

Laughter.

Connection.

Birthdays.

Lunches.

Graduations.

Weddings.

Babies.

Just savoring the MOMENTS of life together means looking for the beauty, the light, the life, the heart, the joy in every single situation.

I don't get it right EVERY time....but I am learning....

when the seasons change.....so do I!

STOP.

Don't know what 5 minute Friday is? Check it out:

1. Write for 5 minutes flat for pure unedited love of the written word.

2. Link up with Lisa-Jo @ The Gypsy Mama and invite others to join in.

3. Go buck wild with encouragement for the five minuter who linked up before you.

****Won't you join in with me? Click below!

To Quit or Not to Quit - That is the Question

After the same woman skied past me on the slopes THREE TIMES, as I lay sprawled on the hill after falling MORE times than I can count, each time inches from the previous fall, I made my decision then and there. I took off my skis put them under my right arm, poles under my left arm and walked down the hill, 3 hours after I started.

I quit.

And no amount of convincing from any of the chaperones or my friends could convince me otherwise. I spent the rest of the day in the lodge, drinking cocoa and nursing my wounded pride & disappointed soul.

Two years later, at the age of 14, I tried again, with "slightly" better agility, but the whole experience of skiing at that point was just one that NEVER ranked high on my list of fun activities. So for years, whenever I found myself at the slopes with friends, I would choose tubing over skiing or boarding ANY day.

Then I met my husband -- a snow-boarding, roller-blading, surfer-wanabe, X-games-lover guy -- and I found myself in Denver, Colorado, on Thanksgiving weekend, a 2-month-newlywed, freaking out because I was "late" and planning to go skiing the next day to be a part of something that my love....LOVED.

So I did what any self-respecting girl would do.

I cried. And I cried. And I cried.

Then I fell asleep, got up the next morning, nervously got ready, and got to the slopes.

And I cried some more.

Now I have to tell you, I HATE crying in front of people. I HATE looking weak in front of people. I HATE failing in front of people, but my fear of skiing, of falling, of making other people fall, of making a fool of myself on the slopes was so great that it outweighed all of those other emotions.

Finally, though, I couldn't take the scrutiny and/or the "I-feel-sorry-for-you looks" so I told everyone to please go on, and I would get myself together....EVENTUALLY!!

I started down some greens, or "bunny" slopes, and of course, fell repeatedly, so I persisted, and kept falling. The air is MUCH thinner in Colorado than in humid Haiti or Maryland, so I found myself, YET AGAIN, sitting in the snow preparing to just give up, when a woman slows to a stop next to me. I think to myself, "Oh, how nice that she is stopping to help me and see if I am okay." That is when she says, "I just want to let you know that you need to watch out. You are in the snowboarding lane."

Okay. Great. Thanks.

So, what could I do....? I got up and tried again.

It felt like an eternity getting down that slope, but something happened to me on the way down.

I started gaining confidence.
I stayed up longer each time between falls.
I think, dare I say it, that I even may have started having a little fun.

{I know....I know...radical, right?}

I never got very good that day but I improved little by little, slope by slope, fall by fall.

The next year, Arno and I went skiing again, and I have to tell you....I was PASSING him on the slopes. {In his defense, on skis, one can be a bit faster than on a board.}



But I learned a lot from those experiences in my life.

After quitting at 12 years old, it changed me. I remember trying a little bit each year to be braver and stronger in the face of things that were hard. In college that meant trying out for every club, meeting, activity, leadership position, etc, that I wanted to be involved in.

In my 20's, overcoming my fear of skiing meant conquering that moment where life tried to define me as a quitter.

In the past couple of years, I have had to make some decisions and choices that have made me feel like that 12 year old girl again, and I have felt a plethora of emotions facing that fear in the face again. In some situations I have fought valiantly & won, and in others, I have fought a felt the sting of loss. Some moments I have face bravely, and others I have "tried" to bow out gracefully.

What I am thankful for is an amazing Heavenly Father who does not define me by my successes and/or failures like I do to myself.

I am NOT a quitter.
I am NOT a failure.
I am NOT washed up.
I am NOT finished.

I AM....in fact....HIS, unequivocablly and irrevocabaly.

We fall down.

We get up.

And the saints are just the sinners who fall down and get up.

My Week in Review {Multitude Monday #211-230}

Supported with my "little" sister as she did her final assignment, a gallery walk, towards achieving her Master's degree in Counseling.

Celebrated with Nikki, one of our former youth group members, as she received her associate's degree.


Bachelorette-partied-it-up with da girlz for "my girl", Maribeth's impending nuptuals, but I forgot to take pics so here are some pics that we snapped last week when we were wedding shopping. Oh yes! The Royal Wedding was definitely on our minds!



Played ceremony coordinator with my uncle, Pastor Mike at the rehearsal


Cried with heartfelt joy at the blessing of God and my own personal sadness as Maribeth became Mrs. Adam Singleton.


It was definitely an emotional week -- both joyful and tearful -- and this upcoming week promises to continue on with another bachelorette party, my parent's flying in from Haiti for a week, my sister's graduation, and my cousin's little one's 1st birthday with the family. But I will try to through a post in here about something OTHER than current events.

But for today {and since I haven't counted my gifts in awhile} here are a few things that I am thankful for this week.

Gratitude - a feeling of thankfulness or appreciation, as for gifts or favours;

the state of feeling grateful

#211-230
~Meeting international students at my sister's gallery walk
~Getting ice cream with my sis to celebrate
~Spilling my "Firehouse 31" {cinnamon-flavored} ice cream all over her...accidentally of course
~Sharing bunches of laughs, stories, heartaches, joys, etc.
~Seeing a girl I have know since she was 14 and pre-Jesus, walk across the graduation stage as an accomplished, engaged, full-of-love-for-Jesus young woman
~Sharing memories with her and her closest friends and family
~Staying out late with some of "my" girls -- sad and exciting how they are growing up
~Playing games with girlfriends
~Laughing about all kinds of "new" married stuff
~Receiving forgiveness when I messed up
~See the details of a planned-for-day come together
~Giving an act of love through planning & designing a project for the bride-to-be
~Anticipation of the blessed event
~Lovely bouquets - each different from the other
~Little flower girl
~Parents' tears on their child's wedding day
~A bride's tears as she turned the corner of the aisle and realized, "This is it. That is him."
~Laughter & tears through those precious vows
~Feeling productive and creative in my work projects today
~Anticipating the upcoming week and the future plans

I have joined The Gratitude Community -- a place to be inspired by others and what God is doing in their lives, a chance to share my own journey of gratitude, and an opportunity to REMEMBER to be grateful in ALL things. So on Mondays, I will add to my list of 1000 gifts of all the graces God has provided in my life. Would you consider joining me? Even if you don't blog, you can join the gratitude community by starting a gratitude journal, mentionning your gifts on Facebook, or sending e-mails to your friends. Let's work together to help in creating a more thankful, joyous world!!

Five Minute Friday: Breathing Deeply....

I have been pretty silent here this past week as my life has been filled with parties and celebrations and festivities, which are ONLY just beginning as a wedding, another graduation, and a 1st birthday all approach in this week beginning today. So, today, not only did 5 minutes seem PERFECT to me, but well, the topic was EXACTLY what I need to write about.

So here goes.....

DEEP BREATH


GO.

I take a deep breath today, this week, this month filled with emotions and chaos and bliss.

I take a deep breath as I watch my sister finalize her last assignment -- the gallery walk -- before she receives her master's degree next week. She has come so far. Wasn't this the little girl who HATED school? Look at her now!

I take a deep breath as my "spiritual niece" walks across the stage to receive her diploma for finishing her associate's degree. Wasn't it just yesterday that she finished high school, and I sat in these same chairs cheering her on? Deep breath. WoW! She has come so far.

I take a deep breath as one of my beautiful "Timothy" girls preparing to say, "I Do" tomorrow. Can this really be real? I remember teaching her how to look up Scriptures in the Bible and whether to wear pads or tampons, and how to have a little more of the character of Jesus each day, even through my mistakes. She has come so far.

Deep Breath.

Breathing deeply of these moments that are riddled with emotions threatening to break through my carefully constructed walls of decorum.

Deep Breath....and go...love....give...celebrate...laugh...and cry!

Just breathing today....

STOP.

Won't you please join me and share your 5 minutes today??

Sometimes Mother's Day isn't easy...

Sometimes Mother's Day isn't easy....

There I said it.


For women, like me, who battle with infertility...
For women who have lost a child...
For women whose mothers have already passed away...
For women whose relationships are strained with either mother or children...

Sometimes Mother's Day isn't easy...

This doesn't mean that we discount all the amazing women who have poured into our lives....#1 for me is, of course, my Mumsie! {You can read this post here on what she means to me.} For you it may have been your mom, your grandmother, an aunt, a teacher, a pastor, or someone else altogether. Today, we sincerely honor those women for being the definition of what a mother is supposed to be.

But, Mother's Day....still....isn't easy for those with heart break attached to it.

And like I said, I am one of those women.

So today, I needed some EXTRA encouragement, and maybe you do too, so I want to share with you some women whose words have helped me and given me a boost for today.

I hope you will check them out and maybe even....let me know if one of them encouraged you, too! It is just nice to know we are not alone....

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Holley Gerth is seriously one of my favorites here in this blog world. I think I mentionned in "These are the Women" that she is someone that I want to be "when I grow up." She just oozes the love and grace of Jesus in every single post, even through her own struggle with infertility. Here are a few of hers to encourage you on this Mother's Day.

When Mother's Day is Difficult

Eve's Daughters

On Mothers

Rachel, Tina, & Jennifer share over at Held on the aches and pains that can be associated with Mother's Day with Scripture to encourage and "hold" your heart in the middle of the storm.

A Mother's Day Letter

Mother's Day - Being a Mom after Infertility

God Sees

Lisa-Jo at The Gypsy Mama lost her mom when she was only 18 years old. She shares often about her journey into womanhood and motherhood WITHOUT her mom's companion-ship and guidance.

The Letter No Daughter Wants to Write

18 Years and half my life

Mother's Day for the Motherless Daughter

My Zululand, My Birthday

Bianca is a step-mom. Are you? Here's what she has to say about walking that road on Mother's Day.

Mother's Day

I hope that you have enjoyed some or ALL of these posts, and that they have spoken to your heart or helped you to give greater grace or compassion to a woman whose heart is a "bit" more tender on Mother's Day!

Happy Mother's Day to ALL of you beautiful amazing women out there! I am glad to know so many awesome ladies who make this world a better place to live!

YOU ROCK!

Five Minute Friday: Motherhood Without Judgment

Joining up today with....



Topic: Motherhood Should Come With....

GO.

I have been avoiding this topic all day. I wasn't sure if I was even going to post, but here I am....

I feel unable/unworthy/unwilling to share what motherhood should come with because I feel that the lack of children in my own home silences my voice in sharing those words.

I have been a leader since high school and had many one-on-one disciples over the past years, and I have an amazing relationship with my own awesome mom, so I have seen things that work and don't along the way.

So then....here are my two cents....

I feel like motherhood should come with an intrinsic understanding of other women in THE MOST REVEALING way than ever before. Instead of judgments, there should be an "I-get-you-girl" or "Let's-hold-hands-together-even-if-our-styles-are-different-kind-of-feeling.

I think if, we, as women, MOTHER together...arms supporting each other...like the men who held up Abraham's arms in the battle when he was too tired to hold them up himself...imagine how this world would be.

No judging saying, "If I was Abraham, I would have done it this way or that way" or "Why wasn't Abraham strong enough to do the job himself?? He is the leader of like a million people, right?" but knowing that together, each role was important to win the battle....changing a generation...bringing hope to the nations....together.

STOP.

Yeah, so I took slightly longer today, and I DID edit some this week...it was a hard one for me because there are so many emotions connected with this topic that I didn't really share...like a bittersweet symphony...but thanks for stopping by to hear my ramblings today.

The Legacy She Gave Me

I think the quality that I most admire in my mom is her selflessness.

I can remember being about 14 or 15 and having my favorite scent from Victoria's Secret - Vanilla - in lotion & body spray. This was a special treat as a missionary kid, and as a natural "saver", I wanted to ration it out to last me for awhile. One day, my mom asked me to use some, and I wouldn't let her because I didn't want to "use it all up too quickly." I am embarrassed to remember that day because after all, she is the one who had purchased the set for me, and ugh! I have felt bad about that every time I remember it! But what amazes me when I remember that story is that instead of my mom reminding me of the fact that SHE did in fact give me the thing I was holding onto so dearly, she simply said okay and let it go.

She's like that. My mom. She has such a gentle grace -- a way that allows room for others to be themselves, even when when they are wrong and need to grow or learn a lesson. She lets the Holy Spirit do HIS thing and doesn't try to do His job.

There are so many stories over the years that reveal this quality in my mom, and not just with my sister and I. I feel confident that if you surveyed my dad, her sisters, her best friends over the years, they would all say the same thing about her.....

My mom is a giver.

I read this quote a few months ago, and it is SO my mom!!

A mother is a person who seeing there are only

four pieces of pie for five people,

promptly announces she never did care for pie.

~Tenneva Jordan

The older I get, I truly wonder if I will ever be able to mother with such selflessness the way my mom always did. I wonder if I will be able to give my children, my disciples, my friends, my husband the room to be who they are without trying to control or micromanage them into the "RIGHT" way of thinking.

And yet, I don't discount that the investment of being raised by such an amazing woman SURELY had to have had on me in addition to God's amazing grace.

I read a blog post a few months ago by Sara at Every Bitter Thing is Sweet, who has adopted her son & daughter from Ethiopia and has also experienced a personal struggle of infertility, about the inheritance that she is giving to her children. This specific post was about and to her daughter. Here is an excerpt:

Her inheritance comes (from God) through me. She is my legacy.

What I win in my lifetime — in terms of a hopeful perspective

on all He has allowed and joy in the midst of “setback”

— she gets to live out.

That impacted me beyond words, and today that made me think about my mom and the life she has lived and the amazing words of wisdom she has so kindly spoken into my life over the years.

You see, I grew up the oldest in my family, but I wasn't my mom's first pregnancy. I was her third.

My sister, Mom's first pregnancy, died at 10 months old in a plane crash that Mom and Dad were also in. And the 2nd pregnancy ended in miscarriage.

The mother that my mom became was largely due to overcoming the "setbacks" and "heart breaks" that she experienced. God prepared her heart to mother a little girl with a SUPER soft heart and a VERY analytical brain. She gave me the freedom to be myself, even in making mistakes, so that I, too, could understand the beautiful inheritance that I have from the Father.

I pray that in my own journey of waiting and personal heartache, qualities are developed in me to be the kind of mom that I was raised by - one who gives unselfishly, loves unconditionally, and laughs ridiculously....A LOT!

I love you, Mom! Happy Mother's Day!

Wordless Wednesday: Kickback ^Pirate Style^

Arno and I dressed up like Jack Sparrow & Elizabeth for a

Kids Encounter/Fun Day in October 2009.

Look out, Johnny Depp!!

Linked up with Wordless Wednesday, Live and Love Out Loud, Woven by Words, Better in Bulk, The Divine Miss Mommy, and Project Alicia

Osama Bin Laden is Dead

When this news first flashed across my Twitter screen, I didn't believe it. When the news reporters interrupted regularly scheduled programming to make a special announcement, I still felt disbelief. As I waited, with much of the country/world, for President Obama to give the TRULY official announcement, I couldn't wrap my mind around it.

Since the words were finally spoken by "the leader of the Free World," I have been reeling with the EXTREMELY varied responses of people around the globe, specifically Christians. Some have rejoiced and exulted. Others have sorrowed at those who are rejoicing in death...even of an enemy.

I think my response is somewhere in between. My emotions have been assaulted to an extreme that is hard to describe.

I have felt relief.

I have experienced sorrow.

I have been sobered.

I have felt anger.

I have wanted to cry.

I have felt relief that a man who masterminded a cycle of terror that impacted both America as well as many countries in the Middle East is no longer able to rain agony in this way.

I have experienced sorrow for the innocent victims that have lost their lives in this war.

I have been sobered by the men & women in arms who have been willing to make the HARD decision that I, and others, merely dare to blog about.

I have felt anger at the way the world changed 10 years ago in our "free" nation. I can remember when I first heard the announcement over the radio on 9/11, it sounded like an accidental plane crash. Our senses have been heightened, and our awareness sharpened in these past 10 years. Terrorism wasn't even on our radar then....what a different world for the children of today in America!

I have wanted to cry for the injustice and unfairness in this world and that we live in a time/season/space/world where these hard decisions HAVE to be made.

I heard this statement made by Dietrich Bonhoeffer today, and I think it surmises the angst & resolve that I have felt upon hearing the news last night: {read his short bio at the end of my post}

"If as a pastor, I saw a drunken driver get behind the wheel of a car, knowing that he would soon race at very high speeds down the highway, is it enough for me to bury the victims that he might hit along the way or comfort the surviving relatives?

NO! It is more important for me to arrest the wheel out of the

hands of the drunken, by whatever means possible."

I hate conflict and fighting. I always have. As a child & teen, I can remember jumping in the middle of fights to make them stop. I always believe there MUST be a better way, but I also have come, sadly, to realize that sometimes, no matter how much I may long for resolution & peace, because of this sinful world that we live in, the pursuit of peace comes with a price, even though I know we will never truly SEE peace until the veil between this world and the next is torn open.

Another blogger signed off her post today with "Maranatha.....Come Lord Jesus." I think those words say it all.

The call to prayer in this season is SO strong, and in that I am convicted and challenged.

Dietrich Bonhoeffer was one of the few church leaders who stood in courageous opposition to the Fuehrer and his policies.

Bonhoeffer was born in 1906, son of a professor of psychiatry and neurology at the University of Berlin. He was an outstanding student, and at the age of 25 became a lecturer in systematic theology at the same University. When Hitler came to power in 1933, Bonhoeffer became a leading spokesman for the Confessing Church, the center of Protestant resistance to the Nazis. He organized and for a time led the underground seminary of the Confessing Church. His book Life Together describes the life of the Christian community in that seminary, and his book The Cost of Discipleship attacks what he calls "cheap grace," meaning grace used as an excuse for moral laxity.

Bonhoeffer had been taught not to "resist the powers that be," but he came to believe that to do so was sometimes the right choice. In 1939 his brother-in-law introduced him to a group planning the overthrow of Hitler, and he made significant contributions to their work. (He was at this time an employee of the Military Intelligence Department.) He was arrested in April 1943 and imprisoned in Berlin. After the failure of the attempt on Hitler's life in April 1944, he was sent first to Buchenwald and then to Schoenberg Prison. His life was spared, because he had a relative who stood high in the government; but then this relative was himself implicated in anti-Nazi plots.

On Sunday 8 April 1945, he had just finished conducting a service of worship at Schoenberg, when two soldiers came in, saying, "Prisoner Bonhoeffer, make ready and come with us," the standard summons to a condemned prisoner. As he left, he said to another prisoner, "This is the end -- but for me, the beginning -- of life." He was hanged the next day, less than a week before the Allies reached the camp.

Bio Credit

Embracing the Merriment of May

"The world's favorite season is the spring.

All things seem possible in May."

- Edwin Way Teale

"You are as welcome as the flowers in May."

- Charles Macklin

"What is so sweet and dear

As a prosperous morn in May,

The confident prime of the day,

And the dauntless youth of the year,

When nothing that asks for bliss,

Asking aright, is denied,

And half of the world a bridegroom is,

And half of the world a bride?"

- William Watson, Ode in May, 1880

"Oh! that we two were Maying

Down the stream of the soft spring breeze;

Like children with violets playing,

In the shade of the whispering trees."

- Charles Kingsley

"The trees are coming into leaf
Like something almost being said;
The recent buds relax and spread,
Their greenness is a kind of grief.

Is it that they are born again
And we grow old? No, they die too,
Their yearly trick of looking new
Is written down in rings of grain.

Yet still the unresting castles thresh

In fullgrown thickness every May.

Last year is dead, they seem to say,

Begin afresh, afresh, afresh."

- Philip Larkin, The Trees