Who am I to Judge? {Relentless Grace}

It's funny how God reveals His character to you.
It's funny how He shows you when yours needs some tweaking.

And not funny-ha-ha, but funny ironic....funny surprising.

Last night, Arno and I sat down for Week 2 of our foster care/adoption training-certification classes. The room was filled with nearly 20 people, each with different motivations and agendas for taking these classes. Too many, it is personal -- getting back their grandchildren or a brother who is part of "the system." For others, like us, it is global, more generalized -- to make a difference in the life of a child/children. Whatever each individual's incentive, the general consensus in the room is a heart for children, a desire to help the helpless. It is kind of a beautiful thing really, finding this common bond beyond generation or race or religious affiliation.

And yet, people are still people and with the informal format lending itself to open discussion, opinions quickly come to the surface from those who cannot hold their feelings at bay and lay open, bare, on the table.

This study of people fascinates the psychology-lover in my brain. The group dynamics, the point-of-views of the various cultural backgrounds, and the way each one's desire to be there triggers a deep, raw place of BIG emotion amazes me.

We are not merely here in a class to learn.

We are here because we care and we care BIG and we care HARD

and sometimes the emotions are bigger than we can handle.

So as I quietly watched the dynamics unfold and listened to the opinions of others as well as to the continuing mantra of not judging others being repeated by the facilitator -- each other, birth parents, the social workers -- I realized that albeit calm and discreet in my mannerisms, my heart and mind boomed with emotions and opinions as large as any other person in the room.

As we drove home last night, I articulated to my love some of these weaknesses that I saw in my own heart, these judgments STILL there in spite of my own incredible journey of grace....

How could I think that my appraisal and examination of another's faults or weaknesses should be the measuring stick to which I hold another's value or worth?

And yet....what do I do when those ill-fated choices have impacted the life of a child negatively? In spite of my own barren arms, the momma-bear heart beats violently in my chest to rescue and to run away with this broken little ones to never be hurt again?

But where is the love?
Where is the redemption in my heart?

Where is the desire for restoration and reunification of the family?
Where is it in me, the one who has been hand-held on a pilgrimage of grace, who was broken open to understand how he redeems my broken places, and who continues to walk a path of relentless grace and mercy?

Who am I to judge?

....and I then realized that I am there for more than to learn to be a "good" foster parent....

I am on this journey to love MORE like Jesus.
To understand His unchanging mercy,
His propensity to redeem EVERYTHING,
His as-far-as-the-east-is-from-the-west grace

To allow Him to be RELENTLESS........

in changing me.....

into His image.

And I cannot help but smile.....

Yeah. He's kinda funny...this Father of mine.

Maybe even a little funny ha-ha.