It is like a ravaging lion in my head, constantly roaring and nagging at me.Go here. Do this. Run now. Don't rest.
You're lazy. You're incompetent. You've lost yourself. You are insignificant.
What happened to you?
Where will you go from here?
How long can you stay in this "rest" period?
Just get better already.
Anxiety.
That demon-monster puts its clutches into every fiber of my being, my very humanity, until the voice of the One whom I have known since I was a little girl is replaced with HIS horrid mantra.
My head spins with the cacophony of words and sounds and demands and must-dos and will-trys and I am defeated, often before I even press my feet to the floor each day.
I know the answers all too well.
My head spins with the cacophony of words and sounds and demands and must-dos and will-trys and I am defeated, often before I even press my feet to the floor each day.
Where do I go from here?
I know the answers all too well.
Pray.Read the Word. Quote the verses.
Memorize the Scripture. Be in community.
Ask for help. Breathe deeply. Focus on the positive.
Watch what you consume...mentally, physically, emotionally.....
And all the while the storm keeps raging louder and louder and I cannot hear His voice, remember His touch, know His heartbeat because anxiety's grip tightens with a desperation known only to those who have lived under its crushing grasp.
I can hardly remember a moment or a day in my entire life where Anxiety's voice has not resounded, lamented, and even SCREAMED in my ears. And yet, HIS voice, smaller, quieter, gentler, but equally persistent is there too, whispering to me that I am not alone.
He is fighting for me in the quietest of ways, through the longest of nights, and the coldest of days. His love eventually cracks through my broken pieces, hardened and overstimulated by the intense noise inside of me. The life that has been slowly drained and sucked out of the marrow of my bones, He pours back in, slowly, patiently, never giving up, never yielding.
Because I am His.
I am His.
I can hardly remember a moment or a day in my entire life where Anxiety's voice has not resounded, lamented, and even SCREAMED in my ears. And yet, HIS voice, smaller, quieter, gentler, but equally persistent is there too, whispering to me that I am not alone.
He is fighting for me in the quietest of ways, through the longest of nights, and the coldest of days. His love eventually cracks through my broken pieces, hardened and overstimulated by the intense noise inside of me. The life that has been slowly drained and sucked out of the marrow of my bones, He pours back in, slowly, patiently, never giving up, never yielding.
Because I am His.
I am His.
He bought me.
He paid a high price for me
And then he set me free.
And the captor tries every day to take me back
and some days I am ashamed to say, I listen to his enticements,
that later become yokes, burdens, shackles on my soul.
But there He is.
My Saviour.
My Lover.
My Friend.
My Saviour.
My Lover.
My Friend.
Singing me love songs.
Dancing over me.
Wooing my heart.
Tuning my ear to his melodies
Silencing the madness of the world
Showing me the canyon depths of His grace,
Dancing over me.
Wooing my heart.
Tuning my ear to his melodies
Silencing the madness of the world
Showing me the canyon depths of His grace,
the ocean widths of His love,
the Everest heights of His faithfulness.
I remember this little girl song, and I weep with the remembrance.
"I am my Beloved's and He is mine....
His banner over me is love..."
I remember this little girl song, and I weep with the remembrance.
His ba...nner....
Over meeee....
Is Lo....ove....
So with arms raised, I lift the banner high,
laying down my shame and pride,
my sorrow and pain.
Love.
To know and be known.
Intimate.
Real.
Naked.
Vulnerable.
His banner shouts who I am.
His banner wears my name.
Lindsey, the beloved of the Father.
Lindsey, the daughter of the King.
*****
The Joy Dare
1000 gifts in 2012
112) That Resolution blanket from Relevant {now Allume Social}, so cozy!
113) Those "magic" herbal pain pills
114) Yummy popcorn in the red bowl
115) Honey BBQ Potato chips --> my favorite!
116) Trying out a feed burner on my blog
117) The Ragamuffin Gospel {looking forward to reading that this year}
118) Unexpected time with my love, even though it was because I wasn't feel well
119) Listening to Taylor Swift love songs with Arno as HIS initiation
120) The ease of pouring out my soul when I shut off the distractions
121) Talking to my sis on the phone, laughing at Buster barking at me
122) Laughing with my bokkie as we watch TV
123) Laughter in my heart, words from my friends
124) The taste of fresh baked chocolate chip cookies
125) The results after editing photos
126) The kitchen, tidy and cleaned
Looking for joys in the waiting:
127) Time to myself while I wait for babies
128) Time to save money while we wait for our house to clear
129) Time to slow down with this ongoing chronic pain
130) The snow on the ground
131) A Sunday afternoon drive
132) Loving on people in the Must Love God Community
Won't you join me? Take The Joy Dare!
Here is a list of ideas to daily help you to SEE in the midst of the busy days...
4 comments:
oh, I hear your heart... the anxiety that overwhelms me soo much. I hate it, yet I hang on to it because it's what I know, it's comfortable!!
So thankful for His grace, His love, His banner over me!!
"
The ease of pouring out my soul when I shut off the distractions" So true!!!! It's the choosing to shut off the distractions that's the key. :)
It is nice to know that I am not alone. Thank you for stopping by...partners in overcoming anxiety...and embracing His grace.
Right? And it seems like THAT is so hard for me to do! Thanks, Katie!
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