Monday, August 29, 2011

A Bit About Fear {Multitude Monday #276-285}

Heart pounding.

Adrenaline pumping.

Nerves frayed.

Tensions rising.

Emotions spiraling.

Panic ensued.

After praying for days for Hurricane Irene to turn away from my beloved homeland of Haiti as well as other vulnerable islands in the Caribbean Sea, the path of the storm headed straight up the East Coast of the US - my "other' home - where I and my whole family currently live.

Anxiety consumed me for days as the storm bull's eyed its way in our direction. The best word to describe how I felt is sheer terror.

The weather reporters predicted doom & mayhem, and eventually I had to turn off the TV and the voices creating chaos in my mind.

I couldn't really understand why the panic was so intense for me.
I have been through hurricanes before.
I have had to pack up my mobile home before - as a child AND as an adult.
While it is inconvenient, it was just "one of those things" and I had peace in the past.

Finally, I had enough, and I just broke down! My poor husband received the brunt of my freak out!

I had fought it for a couple of days, and just couldn't take it anymore and then mid-rant, I found myself blurting out,

"I just can't handle ANOTHER natural disaster."

There is was.
The elephant in the room, per say.
Or the proverbial sword piercing my chest.

Ever since the earthquake so radically changed my little island on Hispaniola, its inhabitants, and my parents on January 12, 2010, I, too, have been irrevocably transformed.

I realized that the trauma that I felt over the hours, days, and even months after that 7.1 trembling was breathing new life inside of me at the thought of another impending natural disaster.

I felt paralyzed, overcome, enveloped by fear.

I wish I could say that I had this amazing revelation or overwhelming peace or great faith that overtook me in that moment that carried me through the storms, but with the help of my family and friends, especially Mom & Arno, just helping and encouraging in all the practical things that HAD to be done, each step got a little easier, and truly "during" the storm, I DID have that complete peace that the Lord was in control.

I think Joyce Meyers said this....

"Do it afraid."

And THAT sums up my weekend.

And what has developed in my last 24 hours is just a HUGE heart of gratitude at the fact that while the Father did ask me to walk this path, He calmed the storm TREMENDOUSLY!

"Sometimes He calms the storms, and other times He calms His child...."

This time He did both.....

Continuing to count my gifts....

Gratitude - a feeling of thankfulness or appreciation, as for gifts or favours;
the state of feeling grateful

#276 - 285
~calm in the storm
~supportive husband who keeps loving me in spite of.....
~friends who opened up their home to us, even while they were out of town
~learning about trust through my cats {post to come}
~all friends and family safe
~vehicles & homes intact
~minimal, if any, flood damage in the area
~visiting with friends during the down time of the storm
~yummy meals from my mom and sister over the past couple of days

I have joined The Gratitude Community -- a place to be inspired by others and what God is doing in their lives, a chance to share my own journey of gratitude, and an opportunity to REMEMBER to be grateful in ALL things. So on Mondays, I will add to my list of 1000 gifts of all the graces God has provided in my life. Would you consider joining me? Even if you don't blog, you can join the gratitude community by starting a gratitude journal, mentionning your gifts on Facebook, or sending e-mails to your friends. Let's work together to help in creating a more thankful, joyous world!!


Alida said... Best Blogger Tips

I understand and appreciate your feelings. We have suffered so many losses over the years from children to dear friends.  Most recently we lost all of our belongings in our move from Russia to Belize and I found myself in a panic the other day over the thought that I had lost my umbrella.  I like Joyce's it afraid.  

found you over at Ann's place.
joy and blessings,

Jen said... Best Blogger Tips

So glad you are ok!  I've never experienced a hurricane so I can't even imagine.  Love how you said God both calmed the storm AND his child.

brittany said... Best Blogger Tips

Love this & Joyce's words to 'do it afraid'. I think I need to post that all over my computer screen, journal, mirrors, and car!

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

Oh, @a70bcbbd27d455273ae9c7f6675b02b9 ! I am so sorry about your belongings! Did you have to leave them behind?  There is something hard about LOSS from the grand to the minute. Thank you for understanding and sharing your own heart.

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

Thanks, friend! It was a crazy weekend!

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips


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