Stand

I have been kind of quiet around here over the past couple of weeks, and I guess that is because I feel a bit stuck.

Stuck in my own head....in my own thoughts, plans, dreams, realities.

It seems like I have been in this season for a long time.

In fact, when I started this blog almost a year and a half ago, I already felt that way.

So in many ways, this space here has chronicled my journey in a way that I can quantify....

And oh how the Lord knows that I LOVE to categorize and to strategize everything in my life from the earth shattering to the minute...

But I can't quite get my mind around the "reason", the "point", the "purpose" of...

ALL. OF. THIS.

Not yet anyway.

So let's just get down to it.

I admit it.

I am a little confused right now.
A little scared.
A little hurt.
A LOT tired.

Okay...maybe A LOT of {all of the above}.

And yet, this blog in SO many tiny little ways represents my life...

Some days are quiet & reserved.

Some days are full of revelation.

Some days I pull away.

Some days I am big & bold.

But overall, here I am pressing on.

Not quitting,

Not throwing in the towel,

...even when I maybe looks like it not only from the outside {to others} but also from the inside {to myself}.

Nonetheless, I am standing.

Well, figuratively speaking anyway...

Because some days just feel like I am a big puddle in the floor...

But I remind myself,

"You are still in this, Baby. You are still in this."

I am not strong or tough in the standards of the world, popular opinion, or quite frankly, even myself.

But HE said...

"....having done all, to stand. Stand!"

Ephesians 6

So that is what I am doing....

standing...

Sometimes quiet.

Sometimes scared.

Sometimes brave.

Sometimes bold.

But really....mostly scared.

....and yet....

....I'm still here.