Getting Stronger :: A Story of Hope

I sat frozen by the news.

After more than two years of "trying," taking various tests, and crying and praying for a breakthrough, the word that something truly biological may really be blocking us from holding our own precious babes ravages through my heart.

A flood of thoughts and emotions vye for first place in my consciousness.

Dreams of a little girl with my freckles and a son with Arno's beautiful smile seem to be slipping through my fingers, and I am helpless to stop it.

Knowing that the Father has led me to begin a 30 day journey of hope seems absolutely ludicrous.

Hope??

Really??

Now??

How can I share about hope when mine, on the face of it all, has been snatched away?

I stand on a precipice of one of those defining moments of life.

Will I jump headfirst, turn and walk away, or maybe discover a pathway through the rocky divide, knowing that crawling my way to the other side may be completely ambiguous and filled with trepidation?

So I broach the chasm.

What else can I do?

I tread lightly at first, stumbling along the way, until suddenly my muscles fortify with the tension of the climb, and Hope begins to take on a life of her own, weaving her story into my broken pieces, teaching me that life is more than my plans and my wishes and my desires.

She is soft and strong

Steady and sure

Sensitive and striking

drawing me into her safe haven

teaching me to rest in her heartbeat

holding me close in the splintering

nudging me forward into boldness.

And in her grip, I am finding freedom, little by little, day by day

Getting stronger.

{Written about a moment in time

two years ago}