Project 365 :: Weeks 13 & 14

Day 85 :: My favorite flower and signs of spring

Day 86 :: This is how I spent my weekend,

working on mailing the Save the Date

for Evangelistic World Outreach's Summer Gala

40 Years, Baby!!

Day 87 :: Indoor Water Play

Day 88 :: More of my favorite flower {tulips} from my sister's garden

Day 89 :: Visiting my love at his work

Day 90 :: Tired :(

Day 92 :: Spent the weekend sick and hibernating.

I even forgot to take a picture on Saturday (Day 91)

The kitties enjoyed the extra snuggles.

Day 93(1) :: NEW purple tights. I'm kind of in love.

Day 93(2):: Arno pumping up his new kite for the first time.

Day 94 :: Time to get my hair done...I LOVE going to the salon

Day 95 :: Straightening out the lines...

this kite boarding is some serious business

Day 96 :: I have a bit of a love affair with the moonlight....

Day 97 :: A little present from incourage for (in)RL -- YAY!

Day 98 :: A few of the aids to help me get on the mend

I'm on a journey to chronicle my life with a picture a day for a year. I hope to discover the world around me in my day-to-day life in a uniquely different way as well as learn more about my DSLR to better capture those precious moments. Linking up with my friend Paige and others who are taking this challenge too.

Five Minute (Good) Friday {And Then Some}: Light

I almost didn't write today.

I have been "away" for about a week now, a bit heart sore, as my South African friends would say.

Heart sore about the way life is...or isn't.

The things that I am longing for, knowing that I need to be thankful for what I have but just tired of daily having to search and to look and to see His mercies and grace, when the big things that I have so desperately prayed for and waited for and yearned for, for SO long seem to always be JUST out of reach.

So I just hibernated, nursing my physical body as well as my ailing soul....and slowly have been making my way back into the world of words and wisdom and light and love.

And then I remembered, yesterday, I think, what this week was all about.
My memories of all the stories and Scriptures came flooding into my heart.

Emily Freeman said, "...anything we do on earth that brings any kind of delight or fullness was made possible by death, because first comes love," and it reminded that in the midst of all of this is His love for me...

Even when I sit in the car in the parking lot of my doctor's office, crying angry, unrepentant tears to my sister.
Even when I feel the change come again this month, blood red, and I feel my heart plummet with the sorrow.
Even when my head spins, my body aches, and my heart rages with a ridiculous virus.
Even when I know that I am different than I used to be, that I cannot do what I used to do, that I cannot be that girl that I was before, that people look at me differently...

Even then.....the death of me is good and perfect and lovely because His love came first through His death to show me that love.

And for a moment, though I feel that I am in a pit, there is a light, at the end of the tunnel, and I realize that it hasn't disappeared, like I thought it did. We just took a little bend in the road, a pause to surrender again or anew. I'm not sure which really, but He is here.

And in the distance light, I see a momentary glimpse of my future where I am stronger, helping others, and I can see He is molding me, breaking me, filling me again and again because I want to be like Him. I asked, after all.

And so in death, I focus on the Light, remembering not only the price He paid for my sins, but also for my future to be sealed with promises yet unseen, and I will not back down until He says it is finished, even if some days, I just have to cry for a little while.

Writing for Five Minute Friday {and then some}

today with Lisa-Jo and other Five Minute Friday word mavericks,

where we take a prompt {Today :: Light}

and just right freely without editing or over-thinking.

Join me??

Where I Fly

Up, up, up

bare feet

knobby knees

sweaty palms

Hugging the trunk

with my body

like a monkey

clinging to momma's waist.

Each groove and curve familiar

shaped by my growing hands and feet.

Friends on my heels,

I clamber on

Eager to be the first to climb,

to reach the highest branch

where tranquil breezes await

cooling the skin

from the heat

of the Caribbean sun.

Brushing leafy limbs

left and right

as I scramble higher and higher

until I find the place

where the seat

holds my small frame

with perfection.

Reaching for the soft petals

of the native flamboyant

holding their brilliant fragility

with tender affection,

Breathing deeply

sunshine on my face

wind in my hair,

I close my eyes

holding on tightly

afraid that I could fall

but feeling more

like I could fly.

And for a moment

I really do.

Linked up with Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop

about a place I felt safe growing up

Past, Present, & Future

I take a deep breath as I pull open the heavy metal door.

Every time I walk into this room, a flood of memories wash over me.

Birthday parties. Christmas dinners. Youth activities. Work functions.

This space memorializes so many moments over the past twelve years of my life.

The time Steve* and I got into a fight over styrofoam.
The time I sprained my ankle as a youth camp counselor.
The time I learned to make smokin' hot chilli.
The time I felt like a princess at my very own bridal shower.

So as I cross the threshold to celebrate another young woman embarking on her own love journey, I cannot help but think of the crests and valleys of my own wanderings that have taken me across oceans and back again and again.

The changes in my heart and soul have slowly shifted me worlds away from the woman I used to be. The people who sit at the tables inside only know a portion of the woman that will soon walk through the doorway and celebrate with them.

The growing chasm of differences loom greatly like the crossing of the Grand Canyon, and I find myself once more overwhelmed at the anticipation.

Insecurity racks my mind and heart, and paralysis threatens my desire to feel accepted in spite of this new skin, in which I myself am still growing accustomed.

So with another deep breath, fortifying my fledging courage, I enter into the room filled with many familiar faces. My tardiness leaves me at an even greater disadvantage since everyone is already seated and eating, and I wonder where I will sit and if I will be welcomed at that table.

I place my purse close to the food area, praying for wisdom, mercy, grace, SOMETHING to help me, as I pick up a plate, buying time while I peruse the culinary selections.

At that moment, a high-pitched voice startles me from my inward anxieties,
"Miss Lindsey!"

I turn to the sound of the voice to see a grinning six year old with barbecue on her lips, inviting me with her eyes to come over, so I yield and walk towards her table. With beaming pride and a heart full of acceptance she quickly points, "There is a seat just for you right next to me."

My heart melts.
That the reception of a child would fill my heart with such welcome blows me away.

I quickly fill my plate, greeting fellow guests along the way, and finally slid my way into the seat next to the little princess. She smiles and chatters away, telling me about her life and thoughts. Her mom, sitting across from me, opens up with sincerity, "Hannah* said when you walked away, 'Mommy, look how happy everyone is to see Miss Lindsey.'"

My heart beat quickens, and I cannot help but smile.

"Why, thank you, Hannah!"

She smiles as she devours her morsels.

Watching her chew, I could not help but think of how just a few little words could remind me not only of the person I had been, but also of the woman that I still am as well as the soul that I AM destined to be.

I am defeated, and know it, if I meet any human being

from whom I find myself unable to learn anything.

~George Herbert Palmer

*Names changed

Painting Prose

Little Miracles {Project 365 & Joy Dare}

The crisp wind catches my breath as I stumble out the front door. I pull my hood on tighter, zipping up to my chin. While spring is upon us, winter has not quite given up the fight, at least for today.

With camera in hand and a zillion thoughts in my mind, I march onward determined to achieve a bit of exercise and fresh air today. I chide myself, "You've walked this same road, camera strapped to your side, three times last week. What could there possibly be left to photograph?" I have barely passed two homes, when I spot the first discovery that I MUST capture on film. I chuckle in my head, realizing that in spite of my skepticism, the habit of looking and seeing and counting and snapping has renewed a part of my soul, the part longing for wonder and discovery. It is amazing really how in a week alone so much is already changing, growing, blooming, and I am amazed.

So it is with this mindset that I come across a group of children playing in a little field. I long to photograph their play from afar but wary of parental angst, I attempt to capture the nature around me with a bit of their revelry in the background.

I see them notice me as I am walking forward and not wanting to be rude nor cause them to break any potential rules of "not talking to strangers," I simply smile as I saunter by and kindly say hello.

As I pass, I notice more beauty -- the bird's nest high above, the large stump surrounded by greenery, the sound of their child's play -- and suddenly I can hear footsteps drawing closer so I turn.

"Are you a wildlife photographer?"

I smile both outside and in, "No, I just REALLY like to take pictures."

Expecting disappointment or indifference on their faces, I receive none. Instead, one overlapping the other, words spill out as they tell me about their naturistic finds and secret discoveries.

"I see a woodpecker come back to that same tree every year."

"I have a secret hideout here in the woods."

"Me too. I have a different hideout over here...."

"I saw ten lizards today. One was brown and black, one was brown and blue...."

"Come here. Can I show you something really pretty?"

I am sharing in their delight, since I myself have retained a mind that never quite grew up, however, my adult "street smarts" warn me to be careful to not cause any fear in the hearts of their parents. I wave to a few moms, introduce myself to a dad, tell them and the children the street that I live on in their neighborhood to calm any potential alarms inside their heads.

They ask me to come back again when they have planted their garden for the season, I assume they hope I will bring my camera-friend along. I smile and wave goodbye feeling full to the last drop in body and heart and soul.

God's gifts are surprising and unexpected every day, both in what we see AND in what we hear. I am truly amazed at His continual mercies and grace in JUST the way we need to receive them.

And I am thankful for how He opened my eyes to new miracles and discoveries today, through the eyes of His little ones.

Project 365 :: Week 12

Day 78 :: Breathing in a picture of His masterpiece

Day 79 :: Walking with my love

{we are working on a new habit of

walking together during the week.

Exercise + Time Together = Perfection!}

Day 80(1) :: Playing with two of my favorite kiddos

Day 80(2) :: What I Wore - Gray & White Striped Dress

from Abercrombie & Fitch, purple tank, skinny jeans,

and brown lace up combat boots

Day 81 :: A path of enchantment....

Day 82 :: Celebrating bff, Alison's, birthday

at Tokyo Steakhouse

Day 83 :: My {current} favorite dessert...

especially the middle lemony one...mhmmm...so good!

(At Olive Garden)

Day 84 :: Jessica Cherrix's bridal shower

The Joy Dare

1000 gifts in 2012

235) Yummy Roast Beef

236) Resee's Peanut Butter Eggs

237) Laffy Taffy {one of my favs}

3 Gifts That Made Me Laugh

238) Being silly with my love

239) Olivia's funny faces

240) Watching Jake Ray swing backwards

A Gift Salty, A Gift Sweet, A Gift Just Right

241) Arby's potato cakes

242) Twizzlers

243) Steak Gorgonzola

244) Mark 10:27 - Nothing is impossible for you

245) Psalm 139:3 - He is acquainted with all my ways

246) Psalm 23:2-3 - He leads me and restores me

3 Gifts found in Women today

247) Annie --> She loves with such a BIG and accepting love

248) Alison --> She loves and cares for the people that I do -- the way she considers Arno

249) Mom's gift with languages

3 Gifts Spoken

250) "Miss Lindsey, there is a seat right here next to me."

251) "Everyone is so happy to see you..."

252) "I really appreciate your help."

253) "Are you a nature photographer?"

254) The neighborhood kids showing me all of their hideouts and favorite things in nature

255) Why Everybody Needs to Make Art Every Day ~Ann Voskamp

Won't you join me? Take The Joy Dare!

Here is a list of ideas to daily help you

to SEE in the midst of the busy days...

The Paradox of Emptiness

Have you ever wondered if your own personal desert season will EVER end?

When will I find my life long love?

When will I hold my own babies in my arms?

When will I have enough money to buy that house?

When will I get that dream job

or afford to stay at home

or buy the right car

or take the perfect vacation?

When will eating chocolate actually help me LOSE calories?

Okay, so maybe the last one will never REALLY happen...

...but sometimes life feels like moving from one waiting room to the next, checking in, watching others go in and out of those sacred back room doors, wondering when it will be MY turn, feeling forgotten or maybe even abandoned.

Won't you please join me over at Must Love God today

to hear the rest of my own journey through seasons of emptiness....?

Five Minute Friday: Loud

I used to describe my mind like this....

There is a factory filled with workers and at least a hundred floors. Everyone is busy constantly with important business to attend to. The moment a message arrive at the penthouse, the boss is screaming for the poor peon to already be on his way to the mail room with the next message.

Shouldn't you have been moving already?

When I told a girlfriend this in college, she said the boss in her mind would tell his bottom level worker to take a load off and have a drink.

I remember being in awe of such a mind.
A mind at rest
Or at the very least,
A mind that could SUCCESSFULLY choose rest and enjoy it.

The cacophony in my head resonates as a part of my being the same way as my heart cries for the oxygen it desperately needs.

And still He teaches me.
This Father of mine.
He is so gracious, so gentle with me.
He has to be
For I, left to my own devices am a taskmaster, seargant general commanding the troops relentlessly...

And somehow He gets that about me...He really understands me...He is acquainted with all my ways.

And He daily, hourly, even minute-by-minute leads me beside still waters...



Wonder what this Five Minute Friday is all about? Here it is in the words of the creator of this precious space....

"We finger paint with words.

We try to remember what it was like

to just write without worrying if it’s just right or not.

Want to play Five Minute Friday? It’s easy peasy!"

Hop over to Lisa-Jo's place and join in....come on...be brave...you will not regret it...promise!!

Getting Stronger :: A Story of Hope

I sat frozen by the news.

After more than two years of "trying," taking various tests, and crying and praying for a breakthrough, the word that something truly biological may really be blocking us from holding our own precious babes ravages through my heart.

A flood of thoughts and emotions vye for first place in my consciousness.

Dreams of a little girl with my freckles and a son with Arno's beautiful smile seem to be slipping through my fingers, and I am helpless to stop it.

Knowing that the Father has led me to begin a 30 day journey of hope seems absolutely ludicrous.

Hope??

Really??

Now??

How can I share about hope when mine, on the face of it all, has been snatched away?

I stand on a precipice of one of those defining moments of life.

Will I jump headfirst, turn and walk away, or maybe discover a pathway through the rocky divide, knowing that crawling my way to the other side may be completely ambiguous and filled with trepidation?

So I broach the chasm.

What else can I do?

I tread lightly at first, stumbling along the way, until suddenly my muscles fortify with the tension of the climb, and Hope begins to take on a life of her own, weaving her story into my broken pieces, teaching me that life is more than my plans and my wishes and my desires.

She is soft and strong

Steady and sure

Sensitive and striking

drawing me into her safe haven

teaching me to rest in her heartbeat

holding me close in the splintering

nudging me forward into boldness.

And in her grip, I am finding freedom, little by little, day by day

Getting stronger.

{Written about a moment in time

two years ago}