Tuesday, November 20, 2012

When You Just Cannot Make Sense of it All

Maybe you just lost someone.
Someone you loved with all of your heart.
Someone who meant the world.
Someone whose presence the world is now oh-so-empty without.

Maybe the dream that you have longed for
The one you imagined as a little girl
The one that would make life just perfect
Has all but broken your blooded hands
As the doors have slammed over and over again.

Maybe you just feel desperate
The walls are closing in
The bills are piling up
Your health and mind are not what they should be, what they used to be
You wonder if healing and breakthrough will ever come

The kids have destroyed the house, the car, the yard, the neighborhood.
The man you loved, and to whom you gave half your life, walked out the door
The woman who pledged I'll-keep-your-secrets-and-you-keep-mine friendship just broke your heart
The believers, the brothers and sisters of His body, turned their back on you in your hour of need.

When life is just so hard
And you wonder how to make sense of it all.

Cry hard and deep and long and good.

Run fast and strong.
Beat your chest.
Raise your fist to the sky.
Shout up at the heavens
and scream, "Why?"
Fall into a puddle.
and cry some more.

Sit with your grief
Your questions
Your anger
Your heartbreak
Feel them deep
Deep into your soul
In the place where deep cries out to fathomless deep

Embrace your sorrow
Your should-have-beens
Your wish-it-could-haves
Your want-it-back-that-way

And cry.
Cry some more.

Let yourself mourn.
Give space to be broken
Let go of perfect
Release the noisy pressure of "Its-time-to-let-go!!" pounding in your head
Breathe deep again.

Grieve hard and strong and long, if needed.
Throw out the timelines.
Forget the try-hards.
Abandon should-bes.

Let yourself be human

Scream into the pillow
Or punch it.
Let the rage run its course.

Walk out into the crisp cold night.
Let the tears come
Draw ragged breaths over and over again
Let your soul mourn.

Cry again.
A lot.
Until you think there are no tears left to cry
And then ...
Cry some more.

And day-by-day
As you let the anger and hurt and disappointment and frustration out,

Breathe in grace and truth and love and mercy
Let it wash over you
Let the contours of your soul find rest


Exhale hurt.
Inhale grace.

Exhale heartache.
Inhale joy.

Exhale injustice.
Inhale mercy.

Exhale brokenness.
Inhale healing.

And one day...
you will begin to see
that the grace....

May it be well with your soul

As you crawl into the arms of the Father.

May your scars remind you that you are real
As you see the miraculous signs of healing.

May you be patient with your heart in the process.

Also linking with Jennifer, Mary Beth, Ann, and Duane 
and the encouraging communities they have created here on the web.
So thankful for places like these to share our words...


Heather said... Best Blogger Tips

Beautiful. I needed to inhale joy at this moment. thank you for that.

Emilie Reading said... Best Blogger Tips

Thank you for your perfect timing friend. 20 mins ago as I packed up and got ready to walk home, I took a deep breath and found myself pushing my grief deep down so I wouldn't have to let others see it. I caught myself and prayed "God, don't let me be numb, don't let me ignore it. I want to grieve well, I want to feel it."

TereasaM said... Best Blogger Tips


Libby said... Best Blogger Tips

I just read this today and for me it was also perfect timing. Thank you!

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