To Quit or Not to Quit - That is the Question

After the same woman skied past me on the slopes THREE TIMES, as I lay sprawled on the hill after falling MORE times than I can count, each time inches from the previous fall, I made my decision then and there. I took off my skis put them under my right arm, poles under my left arm and walked down the hill, 3 hours after I started.

I quit.

And no amount of convincing from any of the chaperones or my friends could convince me otherwise. I spent the rest of the day in the lodge, drinking cocoa and nursing my wounded pride & disappointed soul.

Two years later, at the age of 14, I tried again, with "slightly" better agility, but the whole experience of skiing at that point was just one that NEVER ranked high on my list of fun activities. So for years, whenever I found myself at the slopes with friends, I would choose tubing over skiing or boarding ANY day.

Then I met my husband -- a snow-boarding, roller-blading, surfer-wanabe, X-games-lover guy -- and I found myself in Denver, Colorado, on Thanksgiving weekend, a 2-month-newlywed, freaking out because I was "late" and planning to go skiing the next day to be a part of something that my love....LOVED.

So I did what any self-respecting girl would do.

I cried. And I cried. And I cried.

Then I fell asleep, got up the next morning, nervously got ready, and got to the slopes.

And I cried some more.

Now I have to tell you, I HATE crying in front of people. I HATE looking weak in front of people. I HATE failing in front of people, but my fear of skiing, of falling, of making other people fall, of making a fool of myself on the slopes was so great that it outweighed all of those other emotions.

Finally, though, I couldn't take the scrutiny and/or the "I-feel-sorry-for-you looks" so I told everyone to please go on, and I would get myself together....EVENTUALLY!!

I started down some greens, or "bunny" slopes, and of course, fell repeatedly, so I persisted, and kept falling. The air is MUCH thinner in Colorado than in humid Haiti or Maryland, so I found myself, YET AGAIN, sitting in the snow preparing to just give up, when a woman slows to a stop next to me. I think to myself, "Oh, how nice that she is stopping to help me and see if I am okay." That is when she says, "I just want to let you know that you need to watch out. You are in the snowboarding lane."

Okay. Great. Thanks.

So, what could I do....? I got up and tried again.

It felt like an eternity getting down that slope, but something happened to me on the way down.

I started gaining confidence.
I stayed up longer each time between falls.
I think, dare I say it, that I even may have started having a little fun.

{I know....I know...radical, right?}

I never got very good that day but I improved little by little, slope by slope, fall by fall.

The next year, Arno and I went skiing again, and I have to tell you....I was PASSING him on the slopes. {In his defense, on skis, one can be a bit faster than on a board.}



But I learned a lot from those experiences in my life.

After quitting at 12 years old, it changed me. I remember trying a little bit each year to be braver and stronger in the face of things that were hard. In college that meant trying out for every club, meeting, activity, leadership position, etc, that I wanted to be involved in.

In my 20's, overcoming my fear of skiing meant conquering that moment where life tried to define me as a quitter.

In the past couple of years, I have had to make some decisions and choices that have made me feel like that 12 year old girl again, and I have felt a plethora of emotions facing that fear in the face again. In some situations I have fought valiantly & won, and in others, I have fought a felt the sting of loss. Some moments I have face bravely, and others I have "tried" to bow out gracefully.

What I am thankful for is an amazing Heavenly Father who does not define me by my successes and/or failures like I do to myself.

I am NOT a quitter.
I am NOT a failure.
I am NOT washed up.
I am NOT finished.

I AM....in fact....HIS, unequivocablly and irrevocabaly.

We fall down.

We get up.

And the saints are just the sinners who fall down and get up.