{RE}discovering Him :: Day 15 - The Whole

Sometimes we don't choose the journey we end up on.

I know if I could tell my 21-year-old self today what she would have to face, to overcome, to climb to become all that she would need to be to fulfill her purpose, she might have just turned and walked the other way.

And I am sure the 51-year-old grown woman waiting to meet me "some day" has a few nuggets of wisdom that this 33-year-old "girl" wishes that she had.

But if I knew the path now that I must take.....

Well, like, my mom has often told me, "Lindsey, you can't know the end before the beginning."

Yeah, you can imagine my incessant questioning kept her on her toes....

But her wisdom continues to ring true for me today.

His word lights my path, shines a lamp only on my feet.

One. Step. At. A. Time.

But what happens when you find yourself

at a step in the journey where you do not want to be

and you cannot see one step, let alone ten steps in front of you

and you just want to turn around and run back into comfort and safety

or maybe even just sit for awhile and cry?

Emily at Chatting At The Sky says this ::

"There may be legitimate cause to bend, to break down, to remain hard, hurt, a victim.

There may be a thousand reasons to stay in your grief, unwilling or unable to let go.

We can stop there, if we want to. We can live in our world-mold and be right and lonely.

And yet.

Whole only comes after broken.

Healing only comes after wounds."

There it is again.

Brokenness.

I heard a quote by a missionary named Ruth Still that said,

"If my life is broken when given to Jesus, it's because pieces can feed a multitude while a loaf can feed only a small child."

In fact, I think I might have been 21, when I heard it.

I didn't know what bends in the road there would be.

I didn't know what I would have to give up along the way.

I didn't know the brokenness would threaten to destroy me to the core...

And yet.....

Bending did not crushingly break me.
Discouragement did not lead to unrelenting despair.
and
Brokenness did not mean my utter destruction.


Every day, from this barren place, where shame & humiliation have clung stubbornly as my constant companions, I am finding joy, peace, new life....

Even when I thought I had lost myself forever...my gifts, my talents, my strengths.....

A story from Sara, Gitzen Girl, resounded in my heart and spirt....

"My Uncle Barney is struggling with cancer, and it has changed and stripped his life. We talked a few weeks ago about his frustration of having talents his whole life that he can no longer use.

And I told him that he used them when he was supposed to. And if those things were no longer in his abilities, then they were no longer what God wanted him to do.

Because he is perfect just as he is. He is whole. He is perfect in God's eyes and doing exactly what God needs from him in his life. Just by being himself.I could speak those words to him because I had experienced those losses. And if all of my suffering was simply so that I could speak those words to an uncle I love when he needed to hear them, then this is worth it.

Because God made me as I am. To do exactly what I am doing.

And I am whole."

I am BEING who wants me to be in this season, with WHAT He has given me to use for now.

It may be different from before.

It may not make sense to others {or even myself}

But of this I am sure.

I am whole.

Completely.

Because HE IS....

I AM.

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