Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Waiting....

I haven't posted in about a week.

Yes. I have been busy.

I had some of my old youth group girlfriends in town and we had a little mini-reunion.

It was so great to look through pictures {some almost 20 years old...I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT!} and reminisce about all the good times we had as well as sad ones.

It is fun to be with people who have KNOWN you that long....there's nothing like it....really!


And then, our goddaughter was dedicated on Sunday, and that was so precious.
I am thankful to her parents for allowing us to hold such a special role in her life.
Her mommy, my best friend, also celebrated her own birthday on Sunday, and we had laughs & games & more stories.
I love living in community and connection with people.

But. Those occasions are not really the reasons that I haven't posted.

I mean experiencing LIFE and DOING life with people gives a writer MORE inspiration with which to work. Don't you think?

So. The real reason. The honest truth.

I have paused in my blogging because I have felt that I was in a holding pattern, and I am still not out of it, honestly. Lisa-Jo at The Gypsy Mama posted a "preview" on Twitter Thursday night of what the 5 Minute Friday prompt for the next day would be -- waiting. Oh boy did she have MY number this week!

But I still never posted.

And...I could blame it on many things.

I could blame it on the pre-monthly hormonal rush.

I could blame it on the fact that having that monthly friend means that I am not pregnant yet again this month.

I could blame it on the fact that Friday I really felt like something on the highway that had been run over a few times and I just had NOTHING to give.

All those reasons, or even just ONE of those reasons, would probably generate understanding nods from many of you.

But I think that they oversimplify, or at the very least, overshadow, the REAL cause of my cyberspace silence.

I am in a holding pattern because I am struggling....

to pray,
to read the Word,
to hear His voice,
to know His heartbeat.

Keith Wheeler, a man who travels the world carrying a "literal" cross to share the love of Jesus with people, once said, "Ministry is the overflow of a life lived in love with Jesus."

As I write, not only do I hope the lessons I am learning minister to others, but the words given life on paper, or um, actually, on screen, often minister to me, but IF these words are not from the overflow, then where is Jesus in these strokes?

So today I write, not from a place of this great big lesson learned, OR from this amazing AHA moment, but from the raw truth of my own imperfection.

I am waiting...

And so is He....

I am SO glad that He hasn't given up on me.

AND He hasn't given up on YOU!

7 comments:

Randee said... Best Blogger Tips

Oh Lindsey- I can relate to much of what you said and I am so sorry that you are in the midst of this hard waiting. I am with you, but I have hope that my waiting to begin a family may end in the near future...and then again, it may not. After 6.5 years on this waiting road I can see God's hand on us as we wait although sometimes I did not let God hold me, and those times were the worst. Through your blog I sense that you are going to Him instead of from Him, and while very basic, it is an important key to trust in this difficult time. I am STILL with you (so I KNOW how hard this is) but I see God working and how His plans were not my own, but how His are more beautiful.

With you friend- Randee

bahava said... Best Blogger Tips

ohhhhhhh dear. i just want to give you a hug and go get starbucks and sit outside and talk all things. the hard, the waiting, the good, and the tears. praying...

Lindsey V said... Best Blogger Tips

@Randee Thank you so much, Randee! I KNOW that you GET it so your words mean A LOT to me....TRULY! I have been thinking of you a lot with all of the political events happening in the home of your little one. Sometimes the mysteries of God are just so difficult to understand in the hows and the whys. BUT, I agree with you...when I let Him hold me, it is always better. However, I just don't always seem to get that right. So I am grateful for His patience with me. Praying for you too...and I appreciate your words, which remind me that I am not alone.

Lindsey V said... Best Blogger Tips

@bahava
You are SO sweet and I would LOVE that! Some people are just HEART people...I am SURE that you are one of them!

Stephanie said... Best Blogger Tips

You've probably noticed that things have been quiet over at Metropolitan Mama too. It's not that I don't have things to write. On the contrary, I think I have too much to write. My heart is too full. I'm still figuring out this new chapter of my life...

stephanie@metropolitanmama.net

Lindsey V said... Best Blogger Tips

@Stephanie
Yes. I have seen that. And I can imagine as these past months...year actually, I have been trying to adjust and not knowing exactly WHAT God is doing! Thinking/praying for you!

Randee said... Best Blogger Tips

Oh Lindsey- I can relate to much of what you said and I am so sorry that you are in the midst of this hard waiting. I am with you, but I have hope that my waiting to begin a family may end in the near future...and then again, it may not. After 6.5 years on this waiting road I can see God's hand on us as we wait although sometimes I did not let God hold me, and those times were the worst. Through your blog I sense that you are going to Him instead of from Him, and while very basic, it is an important key to trust in this difficult time. I am STILL with you (so I KNOW how hard this is) but I see God working and how His plans were not my own, but how His are more beautiful.

With you friend- Randee

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