Wednesday, October 31, 2012

31 Days of Story {Day 31} Coming Full Circle

So I could not break out of this inner quiet.
The soulful melancholy.
Not for long anyway.
{Read part 1 of this story HERE}

I would push the little extrovert out from her covered shell.

For moments.


And there.

And it was fun.

Do not get me wrong.

But mostly I felt a little off my game
A little insecure.
A LOT weird.
Kinda overwhelmed.

Until Saturday morning.
When I woke up feeling a little more settled.
A little more like myself.
I reached out to a couple of people I had not bonded with yet that I really wanted to, and we had a group lunch gathering that was just a blessing.

Then I talked to The Nester.
And cried.
For no OBVIOUS reason.
I even laughed as I cried because I felt so silly.
But she was gracious.
And kind.

But that weird up and down feeling inside returned.

I stuck with my friend.
And we ended up in a room
with a couple of other ladies.

And this moment happened.
When one shared her brokenness
Her pain.
Her heartache.
And my spirit was quickened.
I knew that space.
That sorrow.
That desperation.

Jesus opened my mouth
And talked through my vocal chords.
And right there in the Hilton Harrisburg hotel room.
We wept together.

We prayed.
And cried for breakthrough.
And then we introduced ourselves.
And laughed.

Because I did not know her
And she did not know me.
But Jesus knew his girls.
He planned this moment.
He had prepared my heart all weekend to be PRESENT

Not because the other ladies could not have handled it.
They are amazing.
And pastors' wives to boot.
So they were all over it.
But because His plan
Was to use me.

I could not be the Life of the Party at Allume
AND the Girl Who Could Recognize The Darkness
All in the same weekend.

Not this time.
It was not His plan.

There are seasons of LOUD
And seasons of QUIET
The quiet is not so easy for the extrovert

So I had to be pressed into THAT moment
And forcibly accepted my assignment for the weekend
even though it was lonely
even later
When I found myself detached.

But then from that space.
I made two more heart connections, maybe even three, as the weekend progressed.
Right when I would feel sad and lonely and overwhelmed,
God would place me in the path of someone else
who needed that whispered attachment too.

I was coming full circle, back to the quiet little soul that had been birthed on the shores of the Caribbean Sea, back to the analytical calculations of this third-culture kid trying to understand the meaning of "belonging" and "time" and "goodbye", back to the deepest, truest, purest place where Jesus met this little missionary girl as salty breezes christened her tongue and mountain peaks eclipsed her vision, back where deep calls out to the fathomless deep, where my heart finds rest in a Secret Place called Home, in the shelter of His wings.

It was not the conference I planned in my subconscious little extroverted brain,
But it was the conference that HE planned.

Better than I could have imagined.


The past 31 days have been a journey in learning to tell my story.
It has been good.
And hard.

Some days I did not want to write.
A lot of days actually.
Sharing your story is vulnerable.
You give a piece of yourself away.
And it is scary.

What if no one reads?
What if no one cares?
What if I cannot do it justice with my written words?

But I wrote on anyway.
Because I knew that I must.
It was time.

I learned.
I grew.
I changed.
I am the better for it.

I hope you have enjoyed this journey with me. And if this is the first day that you are reading, I invite you to go back to the beginning and grow up along with me {quite literally actually!}.

This concludes 31 Days of Story.
But not the story itself.
Stay tuned.

With Jesus,
The best is ALWAYS yet to come.
You can bet the bank on that.

Want to read the entire 31 days of story?
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Also linking with Jennifer, Mary Beth, Ann, and Duane 
and the encouraging communities they have created here on the web.


Kris Camealy said... Best Blogger Tips

Lindsey , what a gift it was to share space with you at Allume, and so many good conversations along the way. I am so thankful for you, and how you SEE Him, how you reflect the Father.... I loved meeting up with you again, my tear surfed friend!! Xxoo

Trina said... Best Blogger Tips

SHE'S A POET!!!!! Oh dear, pardon my extroverted self yelling. I just love deep, poet types. Next allume I want to swallow my loud and funky for a few min. So we can have a nice, deep chat

Mom said... Best Blogger Tips

Write on...."my little, missionary girl"! Love you so much. Your transparency and vulnerability help all of us to look into ourselves and face issues that might otherwise have been shelved or buried.

Mary Bonner said... Best Blogger Tips

I feel so blessed to have been introduced to you by Stefanie and then to have gotten to talk with you and share on Sunday morning...a bonus gift to me, thru you from Him.

Love you, girl!

Wendy Douglas said... Best Blogger Tips

I so got this friend. I too was an extrovert at one time and let time and circumstances change that to being an introvert these days. I am least comfortable in a room of strangers but the extrovert peeks out in a smaller group. Thank you so much for sharing this today friend. It touched my heart. Blessings.

mark and jennifer dougan said... Best Blogger Tips


Hi friend. I wasn't at Allume but hope to go some year. I am so glad that our tender Abba Daddy gave you sweet moments of tears, talks, and connections. Good job for sharing your story and for daring to open up more and more. As TCK's especially, this takes courage, yeah?

Smiling with you,

Jennifer Dougan

Ruby said... Best Blogger Tips

Lindsay, just want to say thank you so much for sharing. Your story is so different from mine, but Jesus uses our stories to bring us together. Praying for blessings all over you tonight.

Sylvia R @ said... Best Blogger Tips

Beautiful. Just beautiful.

Jennifer Camp said... Best Blogger Tips

Lindsey, this is so encouraging, so beautiful. I saw you a few times in the hall, early in the conference, with a subdued energy about you--and I wondered what was going on. And it takes my breath away how He was holding you the whole time, holding your heart, preparing you for pouring Him out, all according to His plan. Glorious, girl. You are stunning how you radiate Him. I wish I could squeeze you in person right now!--but am so thankful that I got to do that last week. Love to you, sweet friend. You are beautiful how you lean in and trust Him and then share with us how you see.

aualecia said... Best Blogger Tips

It's funny how things work out, not always according to how we plan, but always according to His. It's only when we look back do we see it.
I loved seeing Allume through an extroverts eyes, bc an introvert like me, would tend to stay away from such big gatherings, even though it sounds Amazing!

MsLorretty said... Best Blogger Tips

I am so often overwhelmed by how much of my heart is shared across the universe by others who belong to God. And that's just the way it is, isn't it? I'm like you...a bit of a "cosmic chameleon" who, like Paul could shape me or my message to suit the audience or need. But more and more, I'm discovering the places you have opened up here in these last two posts. Thanks for sharing and I hope I can make it to Allume next year and we can share some laughs and kleenex together!

dancing on the dash

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