Sunday, October 21, 2012

31 Days of Story {Day 20 -21} Saying Goodbye

I have this strange polarity inside of me, and I sort of think I am not alone.
I dream and plan and long for things/circumstances/situations that I do not yet possess.
However, when it happens, I feel sadness and angst about what I am letting go.

It makes no sense really and yet I have been plagued with this ridiculous affliction my entire life.
You too?

For SOOOOOO long I struggled being a missionary kid, a third culture kid, living between two worlds but truly belonging to neither.

And then suddenly without warning, it was time to go.
Time to embrace the American life I had so longed for.

The day I was to leave is burned into my memory like it was yesterday.

Packing up my life, deciding what to prioritize in my two suitcase allotment, and what to get later when I would come back, but only to visit.

How do you say goodbye to a place that shaped you?
To the people who held your hand while you grew up?
To the setting that bottled your first tears, your first love, your first heartbreak?

I climbed up the ladder, hoisting myself onto the rooftop -- my favorite childhood, girlhood, adolescent space to breathe. Walking the breadth of the space, I imprinted the scene into my memory from every angle, willing my mind not to forget the smells, the sounds, the images that influenced my entire upbringing.

Oh, how do you say that last goodbye?
How do you let go of a pivotal time of your life?
How do you walk away?

I remember the last look, standing on the balcony by the black gate, preparing to descend the stairs, burning the scene into my memory. Mom quickly walked down the stairs, unable to watch my melancholy, with her own threatening to overwhelm.

And finally down I followed.
Closing one chapter.
Preparing for the next one.

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Joining with Heather, Sandra, & Deidra and their beautiful weekend communities...


Dawn Paoletta said... Best Blogger Tips

Beautiful thoughts. Because letting go is never easy...and memories are never completely accurate but colored by emotions which are powerful medicine. I am tagging behind you on the same links, I think!

Elizabeth said... Best Blogger Tips

You tell stories and weave words that stir my heart. Love this series. Want to go back over it and hold it like a book in my hands. Your honest aching heart is beautiful. And it echoes in my deep down places too. Wish I could meet my friends from this writing community at Allume. I am not going, but my heart longs to.

StefanieYoungBrown said... Best Blogger Tips

I love your thoughts and marinate in your openness and transparency. Letting go isn't easy, but I am thankful HE is a God who heals and fills the gap in between those we love and those we leave. Looking forward to making "memories" with you this week at Allume!!

Laurie Collett said... Best Blogger Tips

What a moving story -- thanks so much for sharing with such beauty and honesty. And thanks so much for visiting and commenting on Saved by
Grace! Your blog is a blessing and I am now following it, and I
invite you to follow Saved by Grace also:

Love in Him,

Laurie Collett

Lynn D said... Best Blogger Tips

I have left places, eager to go on to the new or pretending to be for my family. And fortunately God was leading us, so the new adventures have been mostly good. Thanks for your transparency. You put into words so eloquently what we have felt. Praying for you today.

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