Saturday, October 6, 2012

31 Days of Story {Day 6} Oh, the Questions!

I never ceased to ask questions as a little girl.

"Mommy, why is the sky blue?"
"Why do people in Haiti cook outside?"
"Why are some people black and some white?"
"Why did you do it like that?

"Why?" may even have been my first word instead of "Momma" or "Dadda."

Okay maybe not.
But it soon become my favorite one.
That is for sure.

I can remember once, somewhere around kindergarden, my mom asking me to give her a break from questions for five minutes. To which I followed up with a question, of course.

"But, Mommy, if grown ups know everything, 
how will I know everything one day if you do not tell me?"

And on and on it went.

The questions came from a place down deep filled with analysis and angst, a longing to know and to understand anything and everything of the world around me.

When I was nine years old, I began contemplating love.
How we love.
Who we love.
What love really meant.

I know.
Heavy for a nine year old, right?

Well such was {IS} my brain.

I longed to KNOW more about whom and why I loved.

For months, my mom would tuck me into bed, tell me that she loved me, and where I previously returned the words of love, I would simply smile and slid under the covers, feeling ridiculously guilty but unable to return that simple phrase for fear that I may be false.

It grieved my little analytical heart to know that I was somehow causing my mom pain by not expressing love to her, but my deep-rooted sense of right and truth filled a greater piece of my soul.

A hunger to figure it out dominated my being.

So I waited.
And analyzed.
And prayed.
And wondered,

"Do I love my parents because of what they give me 
-a roof over my head, food to eat, special gifts or treats that I might desire-
or simply because of WHO they are?"

Until finally.
One day.
I just knew.
I loved them.
I truly loved them.
It was a knowing deep down in my bones.
That flooded my heart with peace.

The questions would never stop all throughout childhood until this very day, but an unfolding revelation of love breathed life into a little missionary girl that day, course correcting my life for eternity.

And when God answers a nagging concern of this inquiring-minds-want-to-know chick, it is a story for the least in my world!

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Alene Snodgrass said... Best Blogger Tips

Always love coming here for your stories! You little missionary girl -- I love that you are full of questions.

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

Oh, thank you, Alene! Thank you! It has at times been the bane of my existence to be so questioning but I have learned/am learning to love every piece -- beautiful and broken alike.

Annie | said... Best Blogger Tips

Me too. So good. This one reminds me of my little thinker.

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