Friday, September 7, 2012

The Community I Did Not See Coming

She listens to my heartbreaking rants on the phone about the agony of hard choices in the foster care journey. When do I leap? How deep do I go? Is this feeling fear or the Holy Spirit slipping in that lack of peace to remind me He has a different plan. She reminds me that wisdom and faith might not always wear the same clothes, but work together hand-in-hand. She breathes confidence into my wary soul.

She is my community.

She just had a baby 6 weeks ago. It's her second one and juggling the needs of both an infant and a toddler fight against her normal calm-and-collected sensibilities, yet she grabs precious moments to connect me to her day, invite me into her feelings of chaos and home, and let me know that she misses me.

She is my community.

She blogs. She sews. She mothers 3 kids, 2 of which are twins. She is an entrepreneur. She is filled with never-ending creative ideas. She has energy to be rivaled. She tackles every project with gusto and  vigor, even losing enough weight to fit into her high school prom dress. AND SHE HAS TWINS.  On paper we are so different, but our spirits connect in a language hard to explain. "...I'd love to sit with you in church today..." she writes me late in the wee smas knowing that in the die-hard night owl nature that we share, I'd be awake too.

She is my community.

She shares my personality type. That one champions my love for foster care. Another pulls out and returns back to me words that clears my chaotic soul. They are a safe place for this aspiring artist to breathe.

This is community.

It is not perfect. There is no physical gathering together every day or every week. Most do not know each other by name.

As an extrovert, I miss the parties, the gatherings, the celebrations. But as a wounded soldier, my soul has craved time to heal from the hurts and brokenness that life has wrought. I walk a tightrope of delicate balance between the two, simply hiding from the burning desire to be wanted, to be loved, to be accepted, and most of all, to be understood.

And then, when I take a second to just breathe in His grace, to ponder the healing over the last two years, I see community.

I see it in her laugh.
It jumps off the screen through her generosity.
I feel it in the genuine words wrapping my heart with their warmth.
It bleeds red and precious, like His blood, seeping into the cracks and crannies of this bruised vessel.

I breathe in grace.
I inhale mercy.
I exhale doubts and fears and insecurities and hurts lodged deep.

All because of one.
One with skin on.
One with Savior-love.
One with arms extended, walls down
Being the hands of Jesus to this weary soldier.

In the emptiness, I have found community.
And my cup runneth over.


Tammy Perlmutter said... Best Blogger Tips

Lindsey, this is spectacular. Thanks for the FMF shout out! I was so happy to see you at the party last night! I hope you are well and also hope to "talk" to you soon. P.S. You are wanted and loved:)

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

Thank you, was so amazing last night at the FMFparty. Your words are very encouraging!

ThandiweW said... Best Blogger Tips

Lindsey, I simply loved "
I breathe in grace.I inhale mercy.
I exhale doubts and fears and insecurities and hurts lodged deep."
Not only is it beautiful, it's worth posting somewhere.
Thank you for sharing.
God's peace and good to you.

Cara @ WhimsySmitten said... Best Blogger Tips

Yes, this patchwork community He embroiders for us...isn't it just the best? I'm blessed that you are a part of mine, blessed beyond measure.

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

Thank you so much Thandiwe....You encourage my writer's soul! Blessings to you too!

Mandy Gladden said... Best Blogger Tips

Thank you for that Lindsey! You are such a blessing to me! Love you and I pray our friendship grows and grows!

Kim said... Best Blogger Tips

I'm so glad you have community to surround you. We are foster parents too and without community I'm not sure what we would have done. It's life-saving to have friends believing and praying when you feel done, when your heart feels too tired to keep believing the best.

Libby Rosengren said... Best Blogger Tips

Just read this! Love!!

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

Thanks, friend!

lindseyfoj said... Best Blogger Tips

I can only imagine! Still shaking in my boots at the prospect!

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