Underdogs, Community, and FREE (in)RL :: How to do life better...together!!

My great-grandmother had a saying she used to say, "Nitwits and N*&%* always like me."

It was a different time back then, and while today we might say black or people of color, her heart was in the right place. Truly. Because basically, the underdogs of society (at that time) were always drawn to her. The same could be said of my mother and her sisters, and now of my sister and I as well as many of our cousins. I'd like to think that just as freckles, boisterous laughter, being-the-loudest-cheerleaders-in-the-stands as well as strong-willed and stubborn women is obvious in all of us, so is the penchant for compassion for the least of these.

The same could be said of The Bailey family......you know.....on It's a Wonderful Life.

George's, our main character's, father ran the Building and Loan in Bedford Falls. Peter Bailey was, admittedly, not a very good business man. He was not even able to save enough money to send his two sons, George and Harry, to college. So, Henry Potter, the villian of our story, and the man who basically ran the whole town EXCEPT for the Building & Loan was calling Peter Bailey "a failure" and "a starry-eyed dreamer" before he was barely cold in his grave.

George just lost it! He knew his father's weaknesses, but he also knew his strengths.

"He didn't save enough money to send Harry to school, let alone me. But he did help a few people get out of your slums, Mr. Potter. And what's wrong with that?  Just remember this, Mr. Potter, that this rabble you're talking about...they do most of the working and paying and living and dying in this community. Well, is it too much to have them work and pay and live and die in a couple of decent rooms and a bath? Anyway, my father didn't think so...."

George went on to become the man his father was and MORE. In spite of his own lofty dreams, he stayed in Bedford Falls, got married, had a family, and helped more and more families get out of the "projects" and own their own place. George was even known to GIVE money away to friends in need, even when he did not have it.

I feel so challenged by the Bailey family, and even by the heritage in my own family. I wonder if I can look at all of humanity and be so generous, not just with money, but with my heart, my time, my life??Can I REALLY love not only with those who "appear to be the underdogs" but also with those who cover it well, who push people away, who are not easy to love??

I am working on that.
Or I should say, HE is working on me.
And being in community, being sharpened by others definitely helps me with that.

I have learned a lot about community in the past two years. I have learned that it comes where you least expect it and sometimes you must embrace the community you are given.

The place...and people...that have challenged my thinking about community the most lately are the beautiful women over at (in)courage. Not only did they start online community groups called (in)courager groups, but they also held a conference called (in)RL meaning (in) REAL LIFE where women across the globe, literally tuned in together in real life meet ups with women in their home towns. This is taking in one mind and one accord to a WHOLE new level!

Well guess what? You can be a part of (in)RL 2013 this year FOR FREE!!  Yay! Just click over here for more details! Please check it out! You won't be sorry! I promise! Oh...and did I mention, that you get some FREE gifts if you sign up TODAY! WaHOO!! Even more loveliness, right??

"Think of it as a FREE girl’s weekend away that doesn’t require packing or plane tickets, where women can kick off any expectation of perfect, set aside their fears, their shyness, their worry that they’re not good enough, and find some of Jesus’ words of rest woven into every video shared."

(If you are reading in an e-mail or RSS fee, please click here to see the (in)RL trailer.)

  


My ALL-TIME favorite Christmas movie hands-down is It's a Wonderful Life. Jimmy Stewart's rendition of George Bailey and the subsequent characters his life impacts tug at my heart strings every time. I am always reminded what a powerful force each of us can be in the lives of others.

So every Monday in 2013, I am sharing from Bob Welch's book, 52 Little Lessons from It's a Wonderful Life, in a short, encouraging post, a new principle to focus on and be encouraged by for that week. Hopefully you {and I!} will both be inspired that it REALLY is a wonderful life as our faith in God and how we live that out is challenged.

Five Minute Friday :: Dive

Because some days, five minutes is JUST enough.
To make someone feel loved.
To know that you are cared for.
To give hope for the future.
To remember His promises.

So on Fridays, I join the web's best linky party filled with women {and some men too!} who throw caution to the wind and just write without perfection or hindrance in just five minutes...giving our soul's abandoned words to the world...

It's hard and amazing and so breathtakingly beautiful...and you can be a part of that beauty. 

Will you join us?



2013 has started off with a bang.

I mean, we are 10 days in...11 if you count the 11 minutes past 12 that I am looking at right now, and well....

Bang! We are off to the races.

Dreams pushing to the surface like the wreckage of some beautiful old pirate ship filled with treasure beyond comprehension.

Damon | Photography

Can there really be so much goodness inside of a old boat covered in mildew and moss?

And there He is...the Captain smiling proudly over his ship, ready to dive deep into the treasure He most assuredly placed inside. It is like He does not even see the wreckage or the mildew or the moss. He sees the bounty, the unearthed goodness because He knows how much He put into it.

So how can I say no or walk away from the pride in His eyes?
Scared though I am.
Trepidation filling my senses

And yet...

Oh, Captain, my captain...how can I not follow you as we dive deep together in this new-old land?

P.S. I wanted you to know that I am hosting this AH-MAY-ZING giveaway on my blog for 5...yes FIVE...of Chris Tomlin's latest release, Burning Lights! So PLEASE don't miss out on this! It is SUCH a steal....for REAL!

Chris Tomlin - Burning Lights {Review & Giveaway}

When I was about nineteen years old, I fell in love with a new worship movement especially geared for college students. It was fresh and real and freeing and gut-wrenchingly from the heart. They called themselves Passion, and the passion that they inspired in the hearts of not only but especially college students was just mind-blowing. A whole generation fell in love with the likes of David Crowder, Charlie Hall, and Chris Tomlin....including me.

Almost 15 years later, Passion is still going strong. Their worship leaders have multiplied and many have written and launched albums of their own. Yay!

This week, I am excited to tell you that one of my LONG TIME FAVS released a NEW album on Tuesday of this week.....Burning Lights.

Chris Tomlin wrote his first worship song at fourteen years old. Ten years later, he started a journey that would see him leading thousands upon thousands of the leaders of the next generation in worship. His songs have made their way into church worship services, youth group prayer vigils, car radios, and maybe even your personal iTunes playlist. from Give Us Clean Hands, We Fall Down, How Great Is Our God, God of This City and so many more comes worship songs for the new millennium.

Burning Lights continues this amazing trend with songs like White Flag that reminds us to lay our own agenda down in surrender to His, God's Great Dance Floor that just rocks your socks off and makes you want to leave your seat and get on your feet, and my current personal fav, Whom Shall I Fear {God of Angel Armies} that reminds me of the story in the Bible where Israel's enemies saw WAY more fire power behind the Israelite army than was actually there, and like them, I know that "the God of angel armies is always by my side."

Even though Sparrow Records gave me an album for review, I got so excited listening to these songs at Passion '13 that I could not wait to tell you about it because I know you will love them too!

PLUS......

And this is the best part.....

Five of you....yes that is right....FIVE of you will win Burning Lights for FREE!! Right here!!

Yay!!

Just enter the Rafflecopter below for a WHOLE LOT of chances to be one of those winners!! Be sure to come back every day to tweet or share for more entries!
{If you are reading this in your e-mail or a reader, please click over to the blog to enter.}

a Rafflecopter giveaway

It's a Wonderful Life :: Childlike Faith

My ALL-TIME favorite Christmas movie hands-down is It's a Wonderful Life. Jimmy Stewart's rendition of George Bailey and the subsequent characters his life impacts tug at my heart strings every time. I am always reminded what a powerful force each of us can be in the lives of others.

For Christmas, my mom bought me the DVD, because believe it or not, I still had the VHS version! ;-) And Netflix isn't giving up the goods quite yet. When I opened the present, there was another fun treat in there, 52 Little Lessons from It's a Wonderful Life by Bob Welch. He visits fifty-two various themes throughout the book that challenges us in our faith in God and how we live that out every day.

So I had a light bulb moment!

Why not share one of my arguably favorite movies of all time with you, on a weekly basis, all year long based on the short principles in this book.

So every Monday, I will bring to you in short, encouraging post, a new principle to focus on and be encouraged by for that week, hopefully, to inspire you {and me!} to realize that it REALLY is a wonderful life.

Lesson #1 :: Childlike Faith

Clarence, he is George's angel in our story. He is getting sent down on his first assignment, hopefully, to get his wings. The higher ups do not think much of Clarence's brains, but they admire his faith like a child. Although Clarence may not be the best angel around according to all the "angelic societal norms," he has a heart that has gained him the recognition of the higher-ranking angels who decide where the second-class angels get sent on assignment.

I love to live life with the heart of the child, to approach every situation with raw honesty and joy.

Welch says it like this, "As children, we are not jaded by the sophistication of the world.  We're real. We're humble. We're willing to admit our needs and trust that others can help us. We're unpretentious and adventurous. We're lighthearted and imaginative. And we're fearless, willing to take a risk."

But like most adults, I, too, forget to put adventure, imagination, and fearlessness at the forefront. I, we, live life safe, guarded. Welch said that we even "hide our needs from others." Guilty as charged. And finally, instead of approaching God with simplicity, without guile, complicated thinking gets in the way like trying to work out my salvation and problems all on my own....on our own.

If we can approach life a little more like Clarence, imagine how different life would be.

1 Corinthians 1:27 - "But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong."

I spent the afternoon on Sunday learning about the life of Randy Pausch and listening to his final Carnegie Melon lecture on Achieving Your Childhood Dreams.

 

If you want the ten minute condensed version, you can click here, but if you have time to soak in the hour and fifteen minute lecture, you will seriously NOT be sorry.

If there is a man who embraced life with childlike wonder, it was Randy Pausch. I am thoroughly challenged.

May you find the kid in your soul and the laughter in your moments as you trust the Father with the faith of a little child.

Project 365 :: Day 344-366 {The Final Chapter}

 Day 344 :: Day 1 of the dreaded flu/infection/virus. 

Little did I know it would be "hanging" out for the holidays

Day 345 :: Some of the "bandaid" meds that helped

to provide a bit of relief 

Day 346 :: One of my views during the yucky-ness 

Day 347 :: A little abstract photo project for photography class 

Day 348 :: I figure if you have to blow your nose

like it is going out of style,

you might as well have a smiley face around. ;-) 

Day 349 :: Felt better so went out for a photo shoot

for my cousin and his surprise proposal

Sweet couple, right?

 Day 350 :: Mom and Dad are home for Christmas! Yay!

 Day 351 :: And yeah...not so much better....

Tomorrow's agenda :: Finally go to the doctor

Day 352 :: My ole boy 

Day 353 :: Well at least there was some holiday fun

around the house to keep me company 

Day 354 :: And then my love started feeling not so awesome.... 

....and we missed a picture day....

Day 356(1) :: But we perked ourselves up enough to make

it to Arno's work party

Day 356(2) :: Bowling with the Telewire crew

 Day 356(3) :: And some yummy snacks from 

Arno's boss' wife 

 Day 357 :: Helping Mom and Dad pick out 

their Christmas tree

 Day 358 :: Watching my favorite Christmas movie,

It's a Wonderful Life,

with the family!

Day 359 :: Christmas Day with the cousins 

Day 360 :: Hanging wth Mr. Morris

Day 361 :: This is what happens to your recycling

when you have been sick for almost 3 weeks.

Thank you, Mom, for taking it to the 

recycling center for me!

{No pickups in our neighborhood!}

Day 362 :: My first attempt at baking a turkey,

under my Mom's supervision.

It was quite fun and not as hard as I thought! 

Day 363 :: My love and his Russian attire

He totally wore this to work and kept it on the whole day! 

Day 364 :: Post-Christmas chilliin' 

Day 365 :: New over-the-boot socks from sis

and upscaled boots from my friend Natalie 

Day 366 {Leap Year} :: Happy New Year's Eve

from the van Niekerks

It's been a fun ride doing Project 365. With days missed here and there and made up for along the way, I love looking back and seeing how I have grown and changed along the way.

I will not start over agin this upcoming year as far as Project 365 is concerned,

but stay tuned for weekly photography assignments, designed to stretch myself and my skills.

It's gonna be great!

Thank you for joining me on this journey, and if you want to see the whole Project 365 year in pictures just clicked the Project 365 label below.

Happy New Year!

Five Minute Friday{And Then Some} :: Opportunity

It's back! 
After a month long hiatus for the December holidays, Five Minute Friday has returned. Last night was a lovely party {#FMFparty} on Twitter with some of my favorite ladies on the web. It was a real treat to my extroverted, words-of-affirmation heart. You should TOTALLY join us one week...for the party and the word scramble.

It's hard and beautiful and lovely and scary.
And I hate to ever miss one week!

So without further ado......



I've been dreaming a lot lately.
This has been pretty amazing.
For awhile I thought I had lost the dreamer,
the artist,
the soulful girl,
the Anne-girl of my childhood.

But God is faithful and good and gracious
to renew and restore and fill us up again.

So I have been dreaming.
Of the future.
Of the year to come.
Of the days ahead.
Of the now.

I am full up with possibility, opportunity, and the light at the end of the tunnel.

I do not know if I will become an author, a counselor, a professor, or a graphic designer.
I am not sure if I will move to Alaska or Colorado or Timbuktu or even stay here in small town Maryland.
I have no idea if we will have six children or one, if they will be foster or adopted or biological or all of the above.

I am not sure.
I am not sure about a lot of things.
This used to scare me.
Some days it still does.
A lot.

But lately, the pot has been stirred and I am bubbling to the brim with the open doors that I can just make out on the horizon.

It is a mystery,
where they will lead,
what mountains and valleys that I will travail,
which beautiful hardships and gifts will cross my path.

But somehow...in the mystery...for the first time, in a long time....I trepidatiously, with outstretched arms, step forward into the Light, knowing that His fingers are at holding my palms leading me on.

P.S. Had a "little" more than 5 minutes today...was just on a roll and HAD to finish!! ;-)

100 Pound Loser {A Review}

When I heard that Jessica of Muthering Heights was writing an e-book about her 100 pound weight loss journey, I was surprised. After seeing her first at Relevant in 2011, and at Allume in 2012 as co-leader of the conference, looking super cute in her trendy outfits and amazing figure, I would never have guessed the battle she has overcome to arrive at the place she is now.

I was super excited to read and to review this book, not only because of how she looks NOW, but also because she is a real woman with four kids and fibromyalgia and somehow managed to balance all that, and find the body that she feels comfortable in.

THAT is the kind of book I want to read, the kind of woman whose story and journey that I want to know.

Since I have battled with chronic pain, most likely fibromyalgia too, I have been unable to exercise and dance like I used to to maintain the weight that I was most comfortable with and the past 2 and 1/2 years have found me slowly adding pounds that I would rather not carry around.

100 Pound Loser: How I Ate What I Wanted, Had Four Babies, & Still Took Control Of My Weight – And You Can Too! was like a shot in the arm, the boost that I needed to believe that it IS possible, even with obstacles in the way like health issues

Jessica shares her words in the same style that she speaks {I can hear her sweet voice in my mind bouncing across the auditorium at Allume}. Winsome, humorous, girl-next-door, coffee-chat-style, that is Jessica to a tee. Her words and motivation are not from a dietician or a fitness expert, they are from a mom, a woman, a friend who has faced this poundage mountain and lived to tell the tale.

In Jessica's own words....

"I wrote this because I'm just like you...I’ve been where you are: feeling tired, sluggish, and out of shape. Wanting to make positive changes for your health, but overwhelmed by the enormity of it, with hands full of children and all the beautiful business of life.   

I wrote this because I’ve done it. I’ve gained the weight, lost the weight, and kept it off. . .four babies (each a little over one year apart) later. 

I want to encourage you to take the steps toward taking care of your body. I want to cheer for you as you reclaim your health. If you’re married, I want you to wink at your husband, and giggle with confidence when he comes after you, without trying to hide. 

I want you to know you’re not alone—and that no matter what, whatever the mirror or the scale says, you are not just your body; you’re an amazing creature, fearsome to behold."

You can buy the book today for $4.99 on Amazon.

Or if you want more information, check out 100poundloser.net.

***Big thanks to Jessica for giving me and advance copy of the book to review! All opinions are my PURELY my own....

One Word :: Rearview Reflection and Dreaming into 2013

After I told my sister my one word for the year at the beginning of 2012, she later confessed that she asked God, "Really Lord? Isn't Lindsey relentless enough already?"

I have laughed over and over and over about that thought.

And I realized how true it is. I have a RATHER persistent personality....usually enticing people into my ideas and passions with contagious excitement.

Usually.

I have long been aware that there is a fine line between influence and manipulation. I try hard to keep that line really OBVIOUS to myself. No one HATES being manipulated more than me so I do not want to be the one to inflict that yucky-ness on others.

But that relentless nature in my 90%-fight-over-10%-flight reaction in my being took a beating in the struggles of the past 3-4 years.  So when I wrote about Relentless on January 5 of last year...I knew that God wanted to show Himself relentless in my life. I truly did get that.

But.....
.....the depth to which He has plumbed, I honestly do not know if I have the words to adequately explain because it has been so vast and thorough and well...amazing...

Let me try....

I feel more aware of the fact that He is Relentless FOR me, IN me, THROUGH me, IN SPITE of me. His grace to see me through every circumstance, to let me be still while He fights for me....well...there is no other way to say it than...I needed that. I needed to have a rescuer. I needed to learn how to LET Him be that. I needed the white knight. And He met me where I was at.

I will probably always be learning how to let go, to let Him, to be, to stop doing all the time, but this past year was an amazing kickstart.

My word for this year came to me in a whirlwind of a surprise, and yet slowly as it has seeped into my heart, I see the way God is weaving the tapestry together in this decade of grace. Arno {the hubs} even commented on the connection...

2010 - The Year of Grace
2011 - The Year of the Redeemed
2012 - The Relentless Year

And now.....

Taking this extrovert to a place of quiet and even loneliness, showing me who He is AND who He is IN me. This word both scares and excites me, like one's one word should I think.  Like every big launching pad moment, the knowledge that change is coming has me simultaneously shaking in my boots and shouting Hallelujah in the deepest recesses of my soul.

Like "Be STILL and know that I am God...." and "I am STILL in control, my child..."

Yeah. Like I said. Shaking and shouting.
All at the same time.

So of course Psalm 46:10 will not stop persisting in my head.
I looked it up and discovered some interesting perspectives in various versions that got me just a wee bit more excited!

New International Version (©1984) "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." 

New Living Translation (©2007) "Be still, and know that I am God! I will be honored by every nation. I will be honored throughout the world."  

New American Standard Bible (©1995) "Cease striving and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."  

Holman Christian Standard Bible (©2009) Stop your fighting--and know that I am God, exalted among the nations, exalted on the earth." 

International Standard Version (©2012) Be in awe and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations. I will be exalted throughout the earth.  

Aramaic Bible in Plain English (©2010) Return and know that I AM GOD. I am exalted among the nations and I am exalted in the Earth. 

GOD'S WORD® Translation (©1995) Let go [of your concerns]! Then you will know that I am God. I rule the nations. I rule the earth. 

Okay, if you are STILL here, and I haven't lost you in my comparing-versions-geek-fest, well, YAY! And I will share more as the year progresses...

Now.........I would love to hear YOUR one word {or link to your blog post about it if applicable}, if you have chosen one or even one of your goals for this year. I think sharing our plans/goals/dreams, while scary, gives us, not only accountability, but also stirs excitement in our bones...makes it real!

So c'mon...get real WITH me...yeah?

Happy New Year, friends!
This is a special one, eh?

A Year in Review :: My Favorite 2012 Blog Posts

There is something really cool about blogging (and photographing) your life.
You READ and SEE the changes up close and personal.
It is kind of an amazing thing!

Here are some glimpses of my journey through 2012, month by month.
Feel free to browse through and find the one or ones that speak to you most.
It has been a beautiful year -- a Relentless one {more on that One Word pilgrimage coming soon},
and it is my pleasure to be able to share it with you!

January

Snow-Quiet Moments
"With more energy and life now, I pick up my postal delivery and flit out the door to bask in the not-quite-yet-wonderland. As magical as the morning dusk to some, this midnight hour is to me. The world is quiet. The snow falls tiny and unnoticed. There is no one around."

Who Am I To Judge?
"But where is the love? Where is the redemption in my heart? Where is the desire for restoration and reunification of the family? Where is it in me, the one who has been hand-held on a pilgrimage of grace, who was broken open to understand how he redeems my broken places, and who continues to walk a path of relentless grace and mercy?"

February

His Banner Over Me Is Love
"And on and on and on and on it goes. It rages and storms and beats and batters and bruises my wounded soul until I have shocked and scared her into a submission she was not meant to endure. Anxiety. That demon-monster puts its clutches into every fiber of my being, my very humanity, until the voice of the One whom I have known since I was a little girl is replaced with HIS horrid mantra."

Happiness is Overrated....or Is It?
"And so....happiness is overrated....became my motto. I figured. God never promised us that we would be happy, just that He would be with us. And He was always with me. Of that, I am sure."

March

Can I Truly Love?
(The internal wrestling at the beginning of our foster care journey)

To be Fearless
"Tippy-toeing on broken glass. Holding new life in my hands. Walking through the creepy forest of fairy tale lore.  Grasping. Wailing. Bleeding. From fear that holds me hostage...."

Brave
"I want to be brave. Brave enough to swim the English channel. Climb Pike's Pea.k And travel around the world on a wing and a prayer. I want to be brave. Brave enough to say I'm sorry. I forgive you.
 I love you. I need you."

Getting Stronger :: A Story of Hope
"I sat frozen by the news. After more than two years of "trying," taking various tests, and crying and praying for a breakthrough, the word that something truly biological may really be blocking us from holding our own precious babes ravages through my heart."

Where I Fly

(a favorite childhood place...written poetry style)

April

Light
"The things that I am longing for, knowing that I need to be thankful for what I have but just tired of daily having to search and to look and to see His mercies and grace, when the big things that I have so desperately prayed for and waited for and yearned for, for SO long seem to always be JUST out of reach."

In the Shadows
"I have spent a few years living life amongst the shadows. At first the shadow was small, apparent, yet not overpowering, but the longer it lingered, it seemed to loom larger until another shadow appeared, making the first seem insignificant. These two shadows vyed for the light, each taking more, in a battle to win the duel. And still yet another appeared, and then another, threatening to choke every shard of light from my life."

Community
(Where I learned that community was not as far away as I thought it was)

May

The Artist's Voice
"Artists SEE each other. 
 We recognize greatness. We understand the way one's heart is worn on the sleeve. We hear the unique drumbeat even when it varies from our own. And we champion the aspirations within those faces we see. At least that is how it is supposed to be."

To the Childless Mothers
(encouragement for the moms with no babies to hold...including me)

What She Did Not Know (A Letter to my Mom)
"When she said yes to ministry, to my dad, to missions, and to motherhood, she did not know the road she would travel. When she embarked on her adventure as a newlywed missionary to the island of Hispaniola, she never imagined the trials she would need to overcome. When she carried her firstborn child in her womb, accepting the mantle of motherhood at the ripe age of 22, she had no idea the heartache that awaited her, not years but months later."

June

The Voice in my Head
"And somehow, even when I am sitting still, my mind races at a hundred miles a minute screaming at my body and soul to be productive or to make more lists. I feign relaxation on the outside in hopes of tricking my being into believing that it is actually resting."

July

I Am

"I am whimsy and prose.  I wonder why people don't SEE into each other more.  

I hear animals talk.  I see fairies in my forest. 

I want babies to call my own.  I am whimsy and prose."

Coming Home
"Coming home to them is like coming back to family. But a "different" kind of family. This family does not all speak the same language, live in the same house, or even look alike. This family hails from places like Jellico, TN or Jacmel, Ayiti and more town and cities whose soil has never met my feet. This family loves me, not because we share blood or ancestry; their love comes from living this common, simple life together. It blooms from growing up together."

August

Join
"I think what's funny though is how that is really the heart cry of all of us, especially us girls. 
Can I just be me? Will that be safe? 
Will you love me in spite of the prickles and spines that you see in me?"

Releasing to the Fall
"It's scary sometimes to live and love so wildly and passionately with one breath and with the next cringe and long to crouch in fear with the anticipation of the unknown future."

September

In the Tension of the Waiting
"Inside I feel small. Insignificant. Unimportant in the sea of artists, photographers, designers, administrators, counselors, professors, ministers, pastors, teachers, writers, mothers.... 
 Juxtaposed is the heart of a warrior princess bursting to fly. Longing to dream big, to follow rainbows to the pot-o-gold end, to dance on clouds Care-Bear-style."

I Wish It Was Different
"I wish it was different. I wish I could be the one they need me to be. I wish I was not so altered by life and circumstances and living away. I wish I knew how to bridge the ever-widening gap. I wish I felt connected to them. I wish they had let their guards down years ago to let me know them. I wish I could set it all aside and just love them like Jesus."

The Journey of Finding Courage
"I did not know two and half years ago when God was placing that little seed of possibility in my heart sitting in my home in South Africa, the full spectrum of emotions my heart would have to overcome."

October

31 Days of Story
I wrote for 31 days on my childhood, adolescent, and college years. I am not even sure how to pick one to highlight BUT Day 11 was my first vlog ever and a favorite story of mine to tell filled with an airport shooting and all so if you missed it the first time...THAT would be a fun one to check out!

November

Learning to Quiet
"So I am here. Waiting. Living. Loving. And hopefully... Quieting..."

When You Just Cannot Make Sense of It All
"Cry. Cry hard and deep and long and good. Run. Run fast and strong. Beat your chest. Raise your fist to the sky. Shout up at the heavens and scream, "Why?" Fall into a puddle. and cry some more. 
 Sit with your grie.f Your questions. Your anger. Your heartbreak. Feel them deep. Deep into your soul. In the place where deep cries out to fathomless deep."

When Tears Come
"Sometimes the ache is so big you can hardly breathe. Sometimes the sorrow feels so real you cannot separate it from your skin. Sometimes the movement in your soul violates the peace, the joy, the radiance He longs to display within all those broken pieces."

December

Open-Handed Love
"You see, Emily and her husband, Wayne had to wait a long time for these two gifts, so they do not take parenting lightly, and the most beautiful thing, they do not hold it selfishly. She lets them love me and have a relationship with me And not just me But others too Whom they both love JUST as freely."

When One Shines Brighter
"I think back to that moment and smile at how in a swarm of people, the ones we love shines brighter than all the rest. My theatrical mind can hear the musical score and see the lighting effects fading everything else into the background. I feel swept up in the beauty of that space and time."

Tears at Christmas and the Greatest Gift of All
"So today from a heart who knows brokenness, my heart aches ... for the mother who mourns for her child, for the soldier far from home, for the loved one dead and gone, for the relationships broken and beyond repair, for the lonely and the desperate and the forgotten, this Christmas."

Thank you so much for letting me share my ongoing story with you in this space. Your presence and comments and interactions are a constant gift to me!

20 Questions for 2012

20 Questions for End of the Year Reflections

1. What was the single best thing that happened this past year?

We bought a house and then I fell in love with it,  for this nomadic missionary kid that is quite a feat!

2. What was the single most challenging thing that happened?

For the first time in three years, I actually had to think about this question because no obvious answer came to me right away. Such a beautiful miracle!  I suppose the most challenging thing has been the journey of becoming certified to be foster parents. The paperwork and inspections and interviews are the EASY part. The part that I did not expect was the emotional and mental roller coaster that I would feel preparing to step into this. I am still scared silly!!

3. What was an unexpected joy this past year?

I had almost 6 months of the year where I had more "good" days than "bad" days with my health. I do not talk a lot about the chronic pain issues that I have here on the blog, but they do overshadow a lot of how I live my life, unfortunately, not by choice, so the fact that this has been the "best" year health wise in 3 years is just amazing!

4. What was an unexpected obstacle?

1) The EXTRA 3 months that it took to close on our short sale.

2) As mentioned above, the overwhelming emotions in processing what it would mean to be foster parents, to have the first children we would be "raising" for a time not be our "own."

5. Pick three words to describe 2012.

His Relentless Pursuit 

6. Pick three words your spouse would use to describe your 2012

(don’t ask them; guess based on how you think your spouse sees you).

Healthier. Happier. More-like-yourself-again.

7. Pick three words your spouse would use to describe their 2012 (again, without asking).

Chilled. Transforming. Revealing.

8. What were the best books you read this year?

Grace for the Good Girl is on my list again this year as I continued reading into 2012. I did quite a few fictional reviews this year, but my favorite of them all was Breath of Angel by Karen Henley.

9. With whom were your most valuable relationships?

Arno, my life-long friends {college & local}, my parents, my sister,

Blogging friends who are IRL friends, Libby and all my (in) This Season ladies

10. What was your biggest personal change from January to December of this past year?

Finding the desire and passion and drive to dream again

11. In what way(s) did you grow emotionally?

I learned that I wait TOO long before I ask for help because it is so hard for me to ask so I am SLOWLY learning NOT to do this, even with those closest to me

12. In what way(s) did you grow spiritually?

The more I learn about how and who God wired me to be, the closer I feel to Him and His heart. The more I live the life HE created me for, the more I feel alive in my purpose on this earth.

That is the lesson that has come alive for me this year.

13. In what way(s) did you grow physically?

As mentioned above, I have seen significant improvement in my chronic pain issues this year. While I am not back to my "old" self yet, I am SO VERY thankful for the healing the Lord has/continues to do in my body!

14. In what way(s) did you grow in your relationships with others?

As I am more fully embracing who I am, I am embracing that uniqueness in others around me. The past few years, GRACE has been like an anthem to me. I feel that the Lord is constantly teaching me not only to have grace for myself and my own story but for others and their journeys too.

15. What was the most enjoyable part of your work (both professionally and at home)?

The flexibility and the variety of working various types of jobs

16. What was the most challenging part of your work (both professionally and at home)?

Finding the balance with how to manage my time the best, especially with the health limitations

17. What was your single biggest time waster in your life this past year?

Probably TV/Internet

18. What was the best way you used your time this past year?

Taking photography classes with my sister. Connecting with ladies at (in) This Season. Taking time to write more and more strategically. Connecting with others who have like-minded hearts and passions.

19. What was biggest thing you learned this past year?

What I have learned the most goes along with my OneWord for 2012 :: Relentless. The Father has shown me that He is relentlessly pursuing my heart. He is relentless in seeing the dreams He has placed inside of me come true. He is relentless to heal me and to renew what the devil tried to steal. He is relentless so I do not always have to be. He IS on my behalf.

20. Create a phrase or statement that describes 2012 for you.

Weeping may come for a night, but joy comes in the morning.

Check out my 2010 Reflection Q & A.
Check out my 2011 Reflection Q & A.