I can see it like it was yesterday.
photo by Jonathan Thompson
I walk into the classroom reminiscent of the sixties in hues of gold and blue. I smile as I see my-slightly-more-chatty-than-normal-psychology-major friends sitting in our usual front-row-of-the-class seats. I slide into my seat excited, as our newly-favorite professor begins the study of the day.
Counseling Psychology I.
Finally, it is my senior year and already this material is making my Top Hits list.
Dr. Feller shares scenarios with us and we students engage in a lively, guided discussion, especially the loud mouths on the front row. And suddenly he begins to present the case that would impact my heart for life….
A couple in counseling…. …because they cannot have a baby.
Immediately solutions spouted from the mouths of students in class.
“They have so many options.”
“Maybe they could adopt.”
“They could get a surrogate.”
I raised my hand in frustration, “But what if that is not the point. What if the desire of this woman is to carry this child in HER womb? What if she just needs to grieve THAT loss?”
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2 comments:
Wow, this is totally my story, but about a different issue! When I first started travelling the world, in various ways I told God that I would do whatever he asked of me, go wherever he told me, but that I really really did not want to go alone. And, not only that, but dozens of people started praying the exact thing for me, without me telling them about my prayer. It seemed so ordained that I was sure God would provide me a companion. Sure, a husband would be great, but I could settle for a teammate or a good friend. Well, now is 11 years later, and I realise I have mastered being alone, something I never wanted to master. I've had so many fabulous experiences that I wouldn't otherwise have had, and I've made so many more friends than I would have if I'd had one or a few close people to provide me that support. But I still struggle with bitterness about it. Was the trade-off worth it? Why did God put so strongly on my heart a desire he had no intention of fulfilling? I have no idea. But much of what you listed of what you learned and your spiritual deepening definitely applies. Maybe that really is what it's all about.
There's nothing worse than walking down the hallway that's labeled "infertility" and knowing that as a couple, our biology/timing/etc has failed us for MORE than a year at one particular time. We're going on 7 years in between deployments, moves, schoolings, etc trying for a family. And all the doctors say "there's nothing wrong". Failure every month feels more than "nothingwrong" doesn't it? I'm your newest follower and can't wait to read more. You're wholeheartedly on my prayer list today!
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